This week is my birthday, and I love celebrating it. Which naturally makes me think of anal sex. BECAUSE IF YOU CAN’T GET ANAL SEX ON YOUR BIRTHDAY THEN WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT?!
I like anal sex. I’ve had good experiences and bad. When they were good, they were fucking phenomenal. And when they were bad….oh geez….you *never* forget a bad experience with a cock up your butthole. I have yet to meet one person who is ho hum about anal. One man I know hates it and described it as, “some tightness then a whole lot of nothing.” From what I read on many Twitter timelines, anal will never feel pleasurable to some. Then for others, it’s the holy grail of all sexual encounters.
Nikki and I discuss anal sex a lot, mostly because it’s a regular item on the sex menu between her and her partner. In my eyes she’s the Queen of Anal, and I bow to her expertise. After weeks of talking about it amongst ourselves, we’re devoting this week to anal sex and discussing the many facets of the anal sex encounter. Whether you like it or not, the conversation is an interesting one.
Tips for Exploration
1. Know Thyself – If you’ve never stuck a finger up your butt…the time is NOW. The next time you’re in the shower, gently probe your anus. This is a good exercise because A.) The better you understand your body, the better you’ll know what you like and don’t like, and B.) This is a simple way to begin preparing for anal sex with a partner.
There are two different muscles that surround the entrance to the anus: there’s the internal sphincter and the external sphincter. The anus is the brown flower at the center (or bleached, if you’re into that) that you can see and the internal and external sphincter muscles encircle it.
The external sphincter muscle is a voluntary muscle. It’s what you clench when you’re trying not to fart in front of your partner, and it’s possible to strengthen the external muscle with exercises. Like kegels but for the butt. Heh… The internal sphincter muscle, on the other hand, is completely involuntary. Some of us were born with a strong internal sphincter muscle, and others not, and we can’t do a damn thing about it either way.
Beyond the anus and the sphincter muscles lies the rectum. If you look at a diagram of this system, and trust me I most certainly did, the rectum looks big. What I’m trying to say is…you really can be full of shit. And darlings, this is what leads me to Number Two…
2. Clean That Shit Out – Believe it or not, this is the perfect application for douche. YES, your great-grandmother wasn’t 100% wrong when she bought a bottle of douche, she just used it incorrectly. For those that don’t possess vaginas or who aren’t aware, douching upsets the natural pH balance of the vagina, and is a big no-no. However, it’s perfect for cleaning out your rectum and anus. Take that douche marketing campaigns!
Nikki prefers to empty the solution and use the douching bottle with water. In her words, “no one wants to lick an ass that smells like vinegar.” The applicator is really handy in the shower, and if you’re sensitive to chemicals, you might prefer to go the soap and water route. A gay friend, on the other hand, prefers to use an enema before date night.
I admit. I haven’t always cleansed beforehand, and my partner ended up with fecal matter on his cock. Embarrassing but true. To be completely honest sometimes the moment is so hot and intense that it doesn’t even cause a hitch in the play. But remember this, no matter how well you clean your poop chute, there will always be fecal matter present even if you can’t see it. Which means…
3. Don’t Cross Streams – Take it from the Ghostbusters and girls who know, do not place a cock or toy from the ass directly into a vagina! Take the time to clean the cock or the toy before continuing in a different venue. The bacteria present in the anus and rectum will cause a bacterial infection in a vagina faster than you can say “double penetration.” An easy solution is to keep antibacterial wipes in the nightstand or in your “fuck me” kit along with condoms, lube, Visine and chapstick. Wiping down everything with wipes ensures that all play is sanitary, and you and your toys can utilize all the holes safely.
4. When You Think You Have Enough, Use More – There is no such thing as too much lube during anal. I’ve done it without and it has been amazing, but I prefer to use lube in copious amounts. K-Y brand is my favorite for anal. I think lube is especially crucial if you’re anxious about the pain. Because hear me when I say this, if it hurts and you don’t enjoy it…STOP.
Enjoying anal sometimes means working your way up in size, getting familiar with what feels good and what doesn’t…in other words, experiment. If you don’t like how something feels, stop and try something different. Sometimes changing position helps. Sometimes stopping and waiting a couple days works. Was it something you ate? Maybe your mood?
My advice is to start with a finger then a toy, like a butt plug, then a dildo or your partner’s cock. If my approach seems overly scientific, it’s because I believe in trying something a lot of different ways before rendering judgement. Let’s face it, you might try anal sex in a hundred different configurations and still dislike it. Or love it. Either way, at least you’ll know your asshole better. BWHAHAHAHAHA! How’s that for a silver lining?