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‘Anal Sex’ Category

  1. Ask Heather: Where Are Anal-Loving Ladies?

    November 12, 2013 by Heather Cole

    I have a question for you that I don’t quite know how to ask, so I will be as polite as I can.

    You are a rare treasure of a woman, and as a man that loves anal sex I have been hard pressed to find a woman that even remotely enjoys it. It’s usually seen as taboo, or nasty even though I know all of the ways to keep it sanitary. So here is my question. Are women who enjoy anal really so elusive, or am I not looking in the right places? I admit, even men’s gully holes are starting to look good to me at this point.

    ~Dark Passenger

     

    Dear Dark Passenger:

    Thank you very much for the politely worded question and the compliment. I appreciate both. Now let’s talk anal sex.

    Finding a person who shares your fantasies or kinks can feel like trying to find a needle in a haystack sometimes. And I’ve never understood why people place anal sex in the taboo category or see it as scandalous. In my eyes, anal sex is a part of regular, vanilla sex. CRAZY, I know. There are other women out there who feel the same <points at Nikki> and it will take patience to find them. But I know that they’re out there. I’m absolutely positively sure that they exist. Wearing a scarlet ‘AS’ on our shirts would be helpful, I know, but since many of us are undercover taking-it-in-the-ass lovers, patience is more practical. Keep the faith, Dark Passenger!

    Have you tried looking at a fetish site? Anal play is popular with many kinksters. In fact, there are anal groups that you can join to discuss your mutual adoration of ass play. But even more important than zeroing in on a certain website or concentrating all your focus on a woman who loves anal sex, I think it’s most important to find someone willing to explore it. Sometimes all it takes is someone willing to try something new or explore a concept again with a new partner. I’m speaking from first hand experience, because I didn’t always love anal.

    In college my first anal sex experience was super hot. It was like discovering a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow–unicorns and glitter abound! But many of the men I later dated didn’t even broach the subject of anal. Eventually I married, and I entered a nine-year anal sex dry spell. My ex-husband proclaimed that as far as he was concerned, I didn’t possess an asshole and he thought it was disgusting to even contemplate touching a sphincter during sex. So like I said, I went a looooooong time without anal sex. After my divorce, when I re-entered the dating world, anal sex became a hot topic again especially when I began dating kinky people. The challenge was that for a variety of reasons, anal sex had become painful for me.

    This is the part where I think finding a willing woman can be as great as finding one that is an anal whore (and I mean that as a huge compliment) right out of the box. When I started dating the man who is now my Dominant and master, I realized that if I wanted to please him in all the ways that I could, I would have to find a way to enjoy anal sex again. Sure, I could bite my tongue and take it up the ass like a good girl, but as much as sir enjoys anal sex, I knew I’d be having it a lot. Luckily for both of us, my soulmateclone Nikki Blue published a fantastic guide to anal sex and I started doing my homework.

    I learned a lot from Nikki’s guide, and sir and I have tried anal sex in different positions, with different lubes and under all sorts of conditions. Stairs are tricky. *cough* I’ve had some amazing anal sex again, but the biggest lesson I learned was that having a willing partner to explore new sexual territory is the most important component. Because as much as you think you know about a sexual topic, you could probably learn more. At least, that’s how it was in my case. All I needed was a little direction and a gentle push from sir. <snort> I’m totally restraining the cock jokes here. ANYWAY…

    It takes patience to find a willing partner, and then more patience as you explore anal sex together. Guides like Nikki’s Fundamentals of Fabulous Anal Sex are very helpful, and if you can show your partner that you’re willing to take it slow and that you’re focused on her enjoying the experience as much as you do, then I predict many pleasure filled times ahead of you. Don’t lose hope, Dark Passenger. We anal sex loving girls are out there. Keep in mind that sometimes we don’t realize how great it can be, but we’re willing to try if you are.

    Here’s a song to illustrate what I mean.

    Hugs,

    Heather

     


  2. Anal Sex – Part 1

    May 22, 2012 by Heather Cole

    This week is my birthday, and I love celebrating it. Which naturally makes me think of anal sex. BECAUSE IF YOU CAN’T GET ANAL SEX ON YOUR BIRTHDAY THEN WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT?!

    Just kidding.

    Mostly.

    I like anal sex. I’ve had good experiences and bad. When they were good, they were fucking phenomenal. And when they were bad….oh geez….you *never* forget a bad experience with a cock up your butthole. I have yet to meet one person who is ho hum about anal. One man I know hates it and described it as, “some tightness then a whole lot of nothing.” From what I read on many Twitter timelines, anal will never feel pleasurable to some. Then for others, it’s the holy grail of all sexual encounters.

    Nikki and I discuss anal sex a lot, mostly because it’s a regular item on the sex menu between her and her partner. In my eyes she’s the Queen of Anal, and I bow to her expertise. After weeks of talking about it amongst ourselves, we’re devoting this week to anal sex and discussing the many facets of the anal sex encounter. Whether you like it or not, the conversation is an interesting one.

    Tips for Exploration

    1. Know Thyself – If you’ve never stuck a finger up your butt…the time is NOW. The next time you’re in the shower, gently probe your anus. This is a good exercise because A.) The better you understand your body, the better you’ll know what you like and don’t like, and B.) This is a simple way to begin preparing for anal sex with a partner.

    There are two different muscles that surround the entrance to the anus:  there’s the internal sphincter and the external sphincter. The anus is the brown flower at the center (or bleached, if you’re into that) that you can see and the internal and external sphincter muscles encircle it.

    The external sphincter muscle is a voluntary muscle. It’s what you clench when you’re trying not to fart in front of your partner, and it’s possible to strengthen the external muscle with exercises. Like kegels but for the butt. Heh… The internal sphincter muscle, on the other hand, is completely involuntary. Some of us were born with a strong internal sphincter muscle, and others not, and we can’t do a damn thing about it either way.

    Beyond the anus and the sphincter muscles lies the rectum. If you look at a diagram of this system, and trust me I most certainly did, the rectum looks big. What I’m trying to say is…you really can be full of shit. And darlings, this is what leads me to Number Two…

    2. Clean That Shit Out – Believe it or not, this is the perfect application for douche. YES, your great-grandmother wasn’t 100% wrong when she bought a bottle of douche, she just used it incorrectly. For those that don’t possess vaginas or who aren’t aware, douching upsets the natural pH balance of the vagina, and is a big no-no. However, it’s perfect for cleaning out your rectum and anus. Take that douche marketing campaigns!

    Nikki prefers to empty the solution and use the douching bottle with water. In her words, “no one wants to lick an ass that smells like vinegar.” The applicator is really handy in the shower, and if you’re sensitive to chemicals, you might prefer to go the soap and water route. A gay friend, on the other hand, prefers to use an enema before date night.

    I admit. I haven’t always cleansed beforehand, and my partner ended up with fecal matter on his cock. Embarrassing but true. To be completely honest sometimes the moment is so hot and intense that it doesn’t even cause a hitch in the play. But remember this, no matter how well you clean your poop chute, there will always be fecal matter present even if you can’t see it. Which means…

    3. Don’t Cross Streams – Take it from the Ghostbusters and girls who know, do not place a cock or toy from the ass directly into a vagina! Take the time to clean the cock or the toy before continuing in a different venue. The bacteria present in the anus and rectum will cause a bacterial infection in a vagina faster than you can say “double penetration.” An easy solution is to keep antibacterial wipes in the nightstand or in your “fuck me” kit along with condoms, lube, Visine and chapstick. Wiping down everything with wipes ensures that all play is sanitary, and you and your toys can utilize all the holes safely.

    4. When You Think You Have Enough, Use More – There is no such thing as too much lube during anal. I’ve done it without and it has been amazing, but I prefer to use lube in copious amounts. K-Y brand is my favorite for anal.  I think lube is especially crucial if you’re anxious about the pain. Because hear me when I say this, if it hurts and you don’t enjoy it…STOP.

    Enjoying anal sometimes means working your way up in size, getting familiar with what feels good and what doesn’t…in other words, experiment. If you don’t like how something feels, stop and try something different. Sometimes changing position helps. Sometimes stopping and waiting a couple days works. Was it something you ate? Maybe your mood?

    My advice is to start with a finger then a toy, like a butt plug, then a dildo or your partner’s cock. If my approach seems overly scientific, it’s because I believe in trying something a lot of different ways before rendering judgement. Let’s face it, you might try anal sex in a hundred different configurations and still dislike it. Or love it. Either way, at least you’ll know your asshole better. BWHAHAHAHAHA! How’s that for a silver lining?