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‘Anal Sex’ Category

  1. Anal Orgasms Are Hard, Y’all

    June 7, 2013 by Nikki Blue

    I’ve pondered anal orgasms for days now and I’m no closer to knowing what to write about them than I am to receiving a shiny Mother of the Year award for my outstanding parenting skills. I’m tired and I’m frustrated, and all I can think about is how I’d sell one of my kids to a band of gypsies for a stack of buttermilk pancakes with boysenberry syrup, but I digress.

    I realize I’m struggling with this particular subject matter because despite how often Mr. K and I have anal sex, I’ve never actually experienced an anal orgasm. Sure I’ve had clitoral orgasms during our anal sexcapades, and the delicious sensation that shoots straight to my clit when Mr. K penetrates my asshole is wickedly intense. I haven’t orgasmed from anal stimulation though. And I really want to.

    Rumor has it the female anal orgasm occurs from indirect stimulation of the G-Spot through the vaginal wall, but science suggests the nerve endings that flood the anus move through the same nerve that activates the clitoris; the pudendal nerve. So which is true? Who the fuck knows. Finding concrete information regarding the female anal orgasm has been nearly as challenging as finding a lone silver sequin in a glitter factory. Even with my internet ninja skills. Most search results provide links to videos on porn sites and we all know that’s always a credible source. *eye roll* Some argue its existence altogether, saying the anal-o is nothing more than a sexy creation of orgasm mythology.

    I disagree with the naysayers though. They’re harder to find, but there are women who have had what seems to be the elusive anal orgasm. They can be found spouting their experiences with what is apparently the Super Bowl of orgasms on FetLife, message boards, and blogs. I’ve read in some cases where anal orgasms are so powerful women have passed out from them, gushed like a fire hydrant, or they were so overwhelmed with pleasure they were left shaking uncontrollably. I confess I’m totally down with that.

    Prostate orgasms are a different story though. The interwebs are damn near busting at the html with hard facts, benefits and techniques. Using diagrams, websites and books on the art of prostate pleasure tell us the gland is located one to two inches inside a man’s rectum toward the front of his body. And they tell us that we can give our men mindblowing orgasms by massaging the walnut shaped gland with our finger or a dildo. The first time I did this to Mr. K, he found the stimulation extremely pleasurable but when he said he felt like he was going to pee I stopped, worried I was doing it wrong. But they say it’s normal for the man to feel like he’s going to pee just before a prostate orgasm. Well, “they,” whoever you are, I’ll be testing this theory when Mr. K visits in a few days.

    We spent some time today talking about my anal orgasms, or lack thereof, and Mr. K asked if there is something we’re not doing right. I didn’t have an answer for him. But realistically, orgasm or not, how can something that feels so amazing be wrong? We’re not giving up on them though. We’ve vowed to dedicate ourselves to the worthy cause of discovering the almighty anal orgasm. You know, for science.

    Category Anal Sex | Tags: ,, | 10 Comments

  2. Anal Play vs. Scat Play: Setting the Record Straight

    May 31, 2013 by Nikki Blue

    I’ve rewritten the opening paragraph of this blog post three times now and I’m still not sure I won’t come off sounding like a raging bitch, but you know what?

    Fuck it.

    Anal play has been a hot topic between Heather and me as of late. More so than usual, because Heather has been dealt a handful of harsh criticisms and unwarranted judgments that have been slung with the carelessness of mud. I think it goes without saying my hackles are raised and the claws are out in defense against this pack of close-minded kinksters who believe ALL anal activities fall into the scat play category. This, my kinky friends, is what I call bullshit.

    Viewed as extreme by the majority of kinksters, scat play is loosely defined as getting sexual pleasure from the excretion of feces. Whether it’s from the sight, smell, taste or feel of it, there are those who get off on it. Sometimes scat, also known as scatophilia, is part of a submissive’s desire to be used as a human toilet. Sometimes it’s part of enema play, and there are some Masters who incorporate it into slave training. Like many other kinksters, scat play is a hard limit for me. Like super fucking hard.  Anal play, however, refers to any sexual activity that stimulates the anus. It’s a blanket term used to describe analingus or rimming, fingering, fisting, the use of anal toys, and anal intercourse. It does NOT include the consumption of or anything else pertaining to scat.

    I give a lot of thought to anal play beforehand, making sure my ass is as clean as it can possibly be, because the last thing I want to do is give Mr. K more than he bargains for when I pull the jeweled plug from my asshole and shove it in his eager mouth. Now does that sound like scat play? Didn’t think so.

    There are some who will argue that regardless of the level of preparation, the anus is still a dirty place. I’m not naive to this. I understand that it doesn’t matter how little I eat the day I know Mr. K will worship my ass, or how well I cleanse internally with a douche bottle, there is still the possibility of trace amounts of feces. But that doesn’t stop me from kissing him after he’s tongue fucked my asshole or giving him a blow job that makes his knees buckle after he’s, well, you know. That still doesn’t classify it as scat play as far as I’m concerned.

    Scat play and anal play are clearly different fetishes and saying they are the same doesn’t make it so. I find no appeal whatsoever in scat, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to condemn a person who does either. There’s too much judgment floating around the kinky community as it is, which in Heather’s words is super shitty. And for those who don’t feel that they need more than a soapy shower before a round of anal sex, guess what: still not scat play. With that being said, all fetishes have lines that can easily blur, but with good communication and a clear understanding of limits, those lines are less likely to lose focus.

    Anal play is an important element of the sexual connection Mr. K and I share. It has been from our first night together. And as our relationship and roles have evolved, the purpose of our anal play has grown deeper. We give ourselves freely, allowing the incredible sensations, both physical and mental, to take control of our bodies. The high is more addictive than any drug. So anytime a person, kinky or otherwise, passes judgment on me because of their own hang-ups, I’ll defend myself. And when they push me into a corner trying to shove their definition of anal play down my throat or when they attempt to devalue what I feel is the most powerful expression of intimacy, back up because I’m coming out swinging.

    Category Anal Sex | Tags: ,, | 13 Comments

  3. Anal Sex – Part 2

    May 27, 2012 by Nikki Blue

    When Heather suggested we write about anal sex this week, I was all over it. Literally and figuratively. Seriously, who doesn’t love some buttsex? Okay, okay, I know not everyone finds it pleasurable, but to me it’s the most intimate way I can give myself to my partner. It’s a fan-fucking-tastic feeling when he lays his hands on top of mine, lacing his fingers through my own, and claims me as he whispers “mine” into my ear.

    *swoon*

    I’ve always enjoyed anal sex. When I got married, however, that desire was put in a box with everything else that my close-minded ex husband didn’t consider “normal” sexual practices. Now that I’m divorced my life is different. I have an amazing partner, and with him I have taken my appreciation of anal sex to new heights. He thinks I “ooze sex,” and loves everything about my body, but he especially loves my ass. Holy Jesus does that man love my ass. He loves it with his fingers, his tongue, and of course, his cock.

    For me, it takes a tremendous amount of trust and strength to submit to anal play. My partner recognizes that anal sex releases the submissive in me, making the desire to please him overwhelming at times. My head spins, my heart races, and I can’t focus on anything but him. He holds me close afterwards, kissing me, touching me, giving me the care I need to come down safely from the high of the all-consuming moment we’ve shared. He tells me what a good girl I am, because he knows it soothes me, and he thanks me for giving myself to him.

    Anal sex isn’t only about being on my knees with my face shoved into a pillow and my ass in the air. It’s more personal than that. It’s any position that allows the intimacy of his skin touching mine, my hands in his hair, or our eyes locked on each other’s. It’s knowing and feeling that he appreciates and respects what I give him.

    I admit that wearing a strap-on makes me feel powerful, and watching the reflection in the mirror of me taking his body with beads of sweat running down mine is wonderfully hot. It’s an intimate moment between the two of us and every bit of my focus is on his needs, his pleasure. I don’t try to mimic the acrobatic positions I’ve seen on PornHub. That’s not the reality of anal sex. Reality is laying him on his back with a pillow under his ass, and wrapping his legs around me as I penetrate him. It’s his eyes glazing over in pure ecstasy as he pleasures himself. It’s watching him explode like the grand finale at the end of a spectacular fireworks display. Reality is the satisfaction of giving him what he wants.

    The first time I fucked my partner with a strap-on, I was a little anxious. It was a first for both of us and I didn’t want to go too fast or hurt him in anyway. I let him guide me, telling me what to do, and the sounds of his pleasure as I penetrated him washed away any doubt I might have had. He doesn’t require the aftercare that I need, but powerful orgasms are always followed by quiet moments of holding and touching. It’s a closeness that is unparalleled.

    Butt plugs are something I wasn’t crazy about at first. I’d been instructed by a Dom to wear one and because of that, I thought it brought my submissiveness outside of the bedroom. I had a big problem with that. But, I realized that’s not what it did at all and I’ve grown to love them.

    There was a time when I wore a butt plug because it helped me to refocus my scattered emotions when my marriage was crumbling around me. It gave me a sense of control. A little odd maybe, but true. Then I wore it mainly when I masturbated because the orgasms were incredible. Now I wear my favorite stainless steel plug with the sparkly jeweled base because my partner finds it unbelievably sexy. I wear it when he instructs me to do so. I wear it to please him. I also like to use one on him. And I like to remind him that his ass is mine.

    At this point in my life, incorporating anal play into a sexual relationship is something I don’t take lightly. I need to feel a cerebral connection, I need to feel trust, and I need to feel safe. Without that combination, it just won’t happen. I’m not a twenty-something anymore trying to make sense of my wants and needs, I understand them now and I’ve accepted them. I’m finally confident about who and what I am, and I’m proud of it.

    Category Anal Sex | Tags: ,, | 5 Comments

  4. Anal Sex – Part 1

    May 22, 2012 by Heather Cole

    This week is my birthday, and I love celebrating it. Which naturally makes me think of anal sex. BECAUSE IF YOU CAN’T GET ANAL SEX ON YOUR BIRTHDAY THEN WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT?!

    Just kidding.

    Mostly.

    I like anal sex. I’ve had good experiences and bad. When they were good, they were fucking phenomenal. And when they were bad….oh geez….you *never* forget a bad experience with a cock up your butthole. I have yet to meet one person who is ho hum about anal. One man I know hates it and described it as, “some tightness then a whole lot of nothing.” From what I read on many Twitter timelines, anal will never feel pleasurable to some. Then for others, it’s the holy grail of all sexual encounters.

    Nikki and I discuss anal sex a lot, mostly because it’s a regular item on the sex menu between her and her partner. In my eyes she’s the Queen of Anal, and I bow to her expertise. After weeks of talking about it amongst ourselves, we’re devoting this week to anal sex and discussing the many facets of the anal sex encounter. Whether you like it or not, the conversation is an interesting one.

    Tips for Exploration

    1. Know Thyself - If you’ve never stuck a finger up your butt…the time is NOW. The next time you’re in the shower, gently probe your anus. This is a good exercise because A.) The better you understand your body, the better you’ll know what you like and don’t like, and B.) This is a simple way to begin preparing for anal sex with a partner.

    There are two different muscles that surround the entrance to the anus:  there’s the internal sphincter and the external sphincter. The anus is the brown flower at the center (or bleached, if you’re into that) that you can see and the internal and external sphincter muscles encircle it.

    The external sphincter muscle is a voluntary muscle. It’s what you clench when you’re trying not to fart in front of your partner, and it’s possible to strengthen the external muscle with exercises. Like kegels but for the butt. Heh… The internal sphincter muscle, on the other hand, is completely involuntary. Some of us were born with a strong internal sphincter muscle, and others not, and we can’t do a damn thing about it either way.

    Beyond the anus and the sphincter muscles lies the rectum. If you look at a diagram of this system, and trust me I most certainly did, the rectum looks big. What I’m trying to say is…you really can be full of shit. And darlings, this is what leads me to Number Two…

    2. Clean That Shit Out - Believe it or not, this is the perfect application for douche. YES, your great-grandmother wasn’t 100% wrong when she bought a bottle of douche, she just used it incorrectly. For those that don’t possess vaginas or who aren’t aware, douching upsets the natural pH balance of the vagina, and is a big no-no. However, it’s perfect for cleaning out your rectum and anus. Take that douche marketing campaigns!

    Nikki prefers to empty the solution and use the douching bottle with water. In her words, “no one wants to lick an ass that smells like vinegar.” The applicator is really handy in the shower, and if you’re sensitive to chemicals, you might prefer to go the soap and water route. A gay friend, on the other hand, prefers to use an enema before date night.

    I admit. I haven’t always cleansed beforehand, and my partner ended up with fecal matter on his cock. Embarrassing but true. To be completely honest sometimes the moment is so hot and intense that it doesn’t even cause a hitch in the play. But remember this, no matter how well you clean your poop chute, there will always be fecal matter present even if you can’t see it. Which means…

    3. Don’t Cross Streams - Take it from the Ghostbusters and girls who know, do not place a cock or toy from the ass directly into a vagina! Take the time to clean the cock or the toy before continuing in a different venue. The bacteria present in the anus and rectum will cause a bacterial infection in a vagina faster than you can say “double penetration.” An easy solution is to keep antibacterial wipes in the nightstand or in your “fuck me” kit along with condoms, lube, Visine and chapstick. Wiping down everything with wipes ensures that all play is sanitary, and you and your toys can utilize all the holes safely.

    4. When You Think You Have Enough, Use More - There is no such thing as too much lube during anal. I’ve done it without and it has been amazing, but I prefer to use lube in copious amounts. K-Y brand is my favorite for anal.  I think lube is especially crucial if you’re anxious about the pain. Because hear me when I say this, if it hurts and you don’t enjoy it…STOP.

    Enjoying anal sometimes means working your way up in size, getting familiar with what feels good and what doesn’t…in other words, experiment. If you don’t like how something feels, stop and try something different. Sometimes changing position helps. Sometimes stopping and waiting a couple days works. Was it something you ate? Maybe your mood?

    My advice is to start with a finger then a toy, like a butt plug, then a dildo or your partner’s cock. If my approach seems overly scientific, it’s because I believe in trying something a lot of different ways before rendering judgement. Let’s face it, you might try anal sex in a hundred different configurations and still dislike it. Or love it. Either way, at least you’ll know your asshole better. BWHAHAHAHAHA! How’s that for a silver lining?

    Category Anal Sex | Tags: ,, | 6 Comments

  5. Strap-on Stresscapade

    April 18, 2012 by Nikki Blue

    A wisp of hair was trapped in the corner of my open mouth as I rocked back and forth on top of him, naked and gasping for air.

    “Would you fuck me with a strap-on?” he asked, holding my head in his hands, his eyes searching mine for my honest reaction.

    “Wait, what?”

    The question came as a complete shock, causing me to crash hard from the high of my last orgasm.

    “What… Pfft… No way… Why would you… I’m not a… Pfft… I mean… Hm… Maybe…”

    The thing is, I’m sexually submissive. I shouldn’t have even been intrigued by the suggestion of topping him, but I couldn’t get the thought out of my head. Quite honestly, I wasn’t sure I wanted to. Then I began to question why I was infatuated with the idea of being the dominant one in our relationship, and that just opened up a whole new can of worms to be sorted through.

    On his advice, I turned to femdom porn and watched women fuck men, and women fuck women countless times wearing strap-on’s. I found it fascinating how the men in the videos surrendered completely as they were fucked every which way, and then it hit me. I would look fabulous wearing a strap-on and stilettos.

    Oh yeah, I was totally gonna to do it, but first I needed to do what I do best. Ok, the other thing I do best. I needed to shop.

    Being the anal person that I am (shut the fuck up), I read review after review, and I made notes listing the pros and cons of the different harness styles. Who knew there were so many different types to choose from? I sure as hell didn’t, and I was positive my brain was on the verge of a strap-on shutdown. I studied crotchless, thong style, jock style, corset, hipster, vibrating, leather, vinyl, vegan, vac-u-lock, power lock, O-ring, double penetration…

    Sweet baby Jesus, I was more confused than ever.

    It was time to call in the big guns. I had no idea what in the hell I was doing and was ready to sob convulsively at the mere thought of reading one more review about how that particular harness was the “best ever.”

    Heather, deeply concerned that I was dangerously close to banging my head against the wall repeatedly while mumbling strap-on options, asked the infamous @LifeofLiriope for her opinion on the subject because clearly, it had become a life or death situation. I would’ve paid money to see the waiter’s face when he stumbled upon that dinner conversation. Good money.

    With Liri’s recommendations, my quest for the perfect strap-on ended quickly when I decided on the Annie-O from Outlaw Leathers because, well, it’s hot. Sadly, Outlaw is not producing these sexy harnesses anymore and I had a bit of a time tracking one down, but thanks to Smitten Kitten, I got what I wanted and was able to narrowly avoid a full on temper tantrum.

    You’re welcome.

    Category Anal Sex | Tags: ,, | No Comments