Tonight is Halloween, and while my short and loud people are out pandering for sweets, I’m sitting here trying to put my most recent experience with my boyfriend into words. I know I’ve said it before, but we have encountered few limits since our relationship began. And it seemed the ones I thought were hard weren’t limits at all. Except for fisting. My babies didn’t wreck my vagina and there was no way a hand was going to.
We put a lot of effort into getting to know each other when we met, carefully peeling back the self-preserving layers to expose the core of our needs. In his opinion, there was more to me than met the eye. He suspected broaching the subject of me fucking him with a strap-on would give me pause, but felt my hesitation would quickly give way to curiosity, and soon after to a deep rooted desire. He was right, and that was only the beginning of our travels into virgin territory. But when he shared his wish for us to try watersports, I faltered. I didn’t know what to say, and I damn sure didn’t know what to do.
Did I really want to pee on him? Did I really want him to pee on me? When was the right time to announce the need to empty my bladder? During foreplay? Over pancakes? Were golden showers even related to sex at all? Fuck if I knew. The only thing I knew for certain was the thought of peeing on my boyfriend’s chest during my period was a bit much, even for a man who wears his red wings proudly and has no qualms about having regular threesomes with Auntie Flo.
Much discussion of the subject led to him sending me videos of him peeing, to sticking his hand between my legs as I sat naked on the toilet, and eventually to me sending him videos as I peed, which he found incredibly erotic. The next step was for me to actually pee on him, even though I was still a little unsure about it. But as our relationship grew stronger, so did my desire to please him, and once I’d made the decision to go through with it, it seemed natural– it felt right.
As he sat on his knees between my legs in the bathtub, the hunger in his eyes nearly stole my breath. He lifted my foot to the edge and slid his hands along the inside of my thighs. They were slick with our mingled fluids. I felt the pressure of my full bladder and attempted to relax my muscles to release the flow, but was surprised when only a little came out. He teased me about having stage fright as he pushed his fingers inside of me. They glistened in the dim light from the hallway as he spread the wetness on his chest before stroking his hard cock. His fingers found their way inside me again, then into his mouth, and back into me. The vision of him savoring the taste of us will forever be tattooed on my brain.
To him, it was slightly awkward and sweet. To me, it was incredibly sexy.
I couldn’t concentrate on peeing, though. I couldn’t focus on anything but him on his knees and the sensation of his fingers inside me. I ran my fingers through his thick hair as his lips brushed my stomach. He dipped his fingers inside me over and over again while telling me to relax, but I couldn’t. I needed to pee, but it wouldn’t come out.
When it was obvious that stage fright would overshadow my performance and the grand finale would be nothing more than a handful of sparklers, he turned me around and bent me over. I planted my hands firmly on the tile as his tongue licked me everywhere, and his fingers filled and stretched both holes. The overwhelming sensation of it all made my knees shake and my head spin. He worked me over with his hands until he was sure I’d ask for mercy for the first time in our relationship, but I didn’t.
Later, as we lay in bed, I asked him how many fingers he had inside me. He held up his arm and traced an invisible line across the middle of his hand, his lips curling into a smile.
Huh.
Okay, so I found out fisting may not be a hard limit after all, and that peeing isn’t just peeing. I’m not giving up on it, though. Does this mean that I took pleasure in the fetish itself? Or was it fulfilling my boyfriend’s fantasy that got me off? I don’t really know the answer to that, but I do know I want that wonderfully hot bathtub scene again. I just need to relax, and according to a support group on FetLife (yes, there are pee fetish support groups), he shouldn’t stimulate me until the flow begins.
Heather was fascinated by my inability to pee and even more so by my fisting revelation.
“Oh, how the mighty have fallen,” she snorted.
“Yeah, well I may have almost been fisted, but you’re going to be monogamous.”
“Don’t you use that word with me!”
*cue hysterical laughter*
I’m not above fighting dirty.
There should be a “Watersports for the Shy Pee-er” manual. 😛
I love reading this, because it affirms to me me what DumbDomme had to say about “hard limits/soft limits” – that it’s difficult to say what you are/aren’t willing to do with a partner until you’re really with them. And, further, are you doing what you thought you would never do because it’s what *you* want (and just didn’t know it/have denied it), or are you doing it because it’s what your partner wants, and you want to please your partner?
Difficult thing to figure out, especially if you’re close and those threads intertwine so much. But it’s all a journey, and I love that you share it with us. <3
I wondered how you could pee once he started playing with you. Sometimes my orgasms are so intense, I think I have let everything loose, but the body tends to try to protect the different activities, so anyway, you already figured that out.
This is a great post… and that is a LOT of fingers. Getting caught up is amazing for both relaxation and the fleeing of inhibitions, those are the moments I love.
I have trouble peeing when I know someone else might be able to hear me. I can’t imagine the pee-shy that might seize my bladder if I were hovering over someone.
You’re a brave woman, Nikki.
I wish you and boyfriend a flood of success in your future attempts.
Oh Nikki, you took me straight back to a scene where I was asking for a break to nip to the loo and was commanded to ‘piss here then’. I tried – I really tried! – but that shy-bladder thing really gets in the way. Well done you for exploring and thank you for sharing
As always, your honesty (and enthusiasm) are a joy. xox
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