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  1. Handjob Heather

    November 19, 2013 by Heather Cole

    I stood in a room surrounded by dominant women and the men and women who served them. There was a table full of food, sodas and water, and at first glance it looked like any other type of meet-and-greet. People milled around talking and eating, the new submissives in the group meeting the Dommes and asking questions. What made the evening different for me was the person who “owned” me for the evening, a Domme. This night I was Timber’s toy, and although I had a vague understanding of what that involved, I had no idea what was going to actually happen besides a thorough beating by Timber and her rifle case full of implements.

    We had spoken at length about what we liked in a scene and what we didn’t. She had coordinated with my sir, and they had both talked to me about our expectations for the night. I was wearing the outfit that Timber had picked out for me; a black silk skirt with pink beading that matched my pink bra and no panties. My hair was pulled into two pigtails and then pinned into low buns, and my makeup was done in pastel hues.

    “Look what I brought tonight!” she told a friend. Introductions were made as my skirt was yanked to the side. Timber’s hand came down with a loud smack on my thigh, and I winced. “Doesn’t she mark up nicely? She’s going to be my Barbie doll for the evening.”

    “Action Barbie?” I asked, trying to be helpful. Timber cocked her head and surveyed me for a moment like I was a piece of steak at the butcher.

    “No, I think I’ll call you Handjob Heather.” Everyone laughed, me included, but I had a serious case of the butterflies.

    Timber first caught my attention when I watched her manhandle a male submissive at rope class. Her energy and joy for domination were infectious, and it made me sit up and take notice. I felt the urge to sit at her feet and say, “pet me, pet me, pet me, pleasepleasepleaseplease!” There were very few dominant personalities that made me want to instinctively submit right out of the box, and Timber was one of them. I asked permission from sir to start a dialogue with her, and although she first thought I was contacting her for lessons in how to be dominant (yes, I’m still laughing about that) we soon began discussing a time/day to play. My first Timber experience happened at the fall Slave Hunt where she chewed up one of my sides and down the other, but it wasn’t until she borrowed me for the female domination evening that we experienced one-on-one play.

    Timber sat on a couch and patted her lap. I perched on her knee until she pulled me back against her, one arm coming around me in a tight grip. She then motioned to a male submissive that I recognized from rope class. He had also been tied up to the post with me at the Slave Hunt, but we hadn’t had the opportunity to have a conversation.

    “On your knees,” she ordered, and then she pulled up my skirt. I squeaked in surprise, and she smacked a hand over my mouth. “Dolls don’t speak,” she chided.

    I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment as the submissive inched closer to my exposed pussy. Four or five people stood watching, but I couldn’t meet anybody’s gaze. It was mortifying and thrilling, and I knew I was wet.

    “Closer,” Timber commanded. “You need to get familiar with this pussy. This is going to be the doll I use to teach you how to stimulate a clitoris like you would a penis. She should be able to feel your breath on her pussy lips. Get in there!” She grabbed him by the hair with one hand and shoved his face in between my spread thighs.

    I felt a thousand things in that moment; embarrassed, objectified, desired, aroused… His breath felt cool against my hot skin, and I blushed even harder at the thought that he could smell my arousal. Then Timber told the sub he could stand, and everyone went back to their snacking and chatting. Timber stroked my hair and praised me for being a good toy. Part of me couldn’t believe that a strange man’s face had been millimeters from my vagina, but I was happy that Timber was pleased. I couldn’t wait to go home and tell sir all about my experience.

    While we waited for people to start playing, Timber told me to lie down on a spanking bench. She smiled above me and began scratching at the skin beneath my collarbone.

    “I’m going to brand you with a T. By the end of tonight you’ll be sweaty and smelling like me. Then your master is going to see this brand.” She laughed loudly at my expression. “It’s going to be like two bears scratching at the same tree!”

    Somehow she didn’t break the skin, but when the ‘T’ was red and angry looking, she began snapping a rubber band along the outline. I held my breath and wished it was finished. When I was permitted to look down, a bright red T was emblazoned on my chest, a real scarlet letter.

    When Timber indicated that it was time to play, I ended up naked and cuffed to a padded leather board. Timber set her case nearby on a stool and started throwing a flogger up and down my back and ass. It had a stingy thud that made the breath catch in my throat. I silently reminded myself to keep breathing and eventually there was a different flogger, then a wooden paddle, a crop and a dragon tail. There were other things, but I lost track. Timber checked in with me several times, and I thought I was managing, but the pain was intense. She favored the sensitive curve of skin right beneath my ass, and I knew from the throbbing heat along the back of my thighs that I wouldn’t be able to sit without remembering her attentions. I danced back and forth, pulling at the cuffs in a vain attempt to avoid Timber’s paddle. She laughed and encouraged me to continue, telling me that I was only giving her more flesh to hit. Playing with Timber felt like being buffeted by a hurricane. The intensity continued to build until I though I would yellow. Whether she knew it or not, Timber threw me a metaphorical lifesaver and told me to count down from twenty.

    “I want everyone to hear you, Heather. Count and thank me for every hit.”

    I did exactly what she told me, and having the numbers to focus on gave me the reassurance that there was an end in sight. A floaty feeling descended as I entered subspace that was amplified when the beating stopped. Timber uncuffed me. She gently turned me around, and I saw my quilt spread out on the floor. I looked at her questioningly. She smiled and told me to lie down. Apparently the demonstration part of our scene was about to start.

    It took a few moments to get situated. I laid on my back with my head between Timber’s legs. C, the submissive man from earlier, knelt at my side and held the Hitachi. It was one of those moments where the mind fuck trumped all the physical. I wasn’t thinking straight because of my endorphin high. I was unable to think in any logical order. My thoughts were all over the place, and I eyed the Hitachi like a King Cobra. I had a love/hate relationship with it, and I couldn’t decide if I wanted an orgasm or not. See what I mean about not thinking straight?!

    First Timber fastened the clover clamps on my nipples, and then she started instructing C about how she wanted him to stroke my clit. Pleasure arched through me, a golden shimmer between the undulations of pain from my nipples. I begged for permission to come, but she denied me. C’s fingers continued their teasing torment, and I begged again. Finally she gave me permission, and I shouted with release.

    I thought it was over. I was counting on it being over, but Timber placed the chain of the clamps in my teeth. “You’re going to show me how badly you want to come by pulling off the clamps using your teeth. C, turn on the Hitachi.”

    She offered me hell and heaven in that moment. The clamps were excruciating, and pulling them in increments was the worst kind of agony, but I couldn’t fight the building pressure of the orgasm. My teeth ached from biting down and with a final jerk of my head I was free. I barely had time to announce it before the orgasm swept over me.

    There were people watching. I could feel the crowd around us, but my focus was entirely on Timber and what she wanted me to do. Even when she produced the thin cane and started hitting my breasts, I was ready to orgasm again. The pain, the pleasure, being watched and used… it all combined into this cacophony of sensation. I felt boneless, the heat of my bruised body combining with the heat created by C’s pleasurable fingers. I came apart in the best possible way, and there was nothing to be done but orgasm and plead for mercy.

    Eventually the demonstration ended, and Timber wrapped me in my quilt and cuddled me on the couch. She had made food for me, so when we got back to her place, we rehashed the evening while I drank water and ate chicken bites wrapped in bacon. It was some of the best aftercare I’ve ever received. By the time I drove home to sir, I was feeling like myself. Well, a beaten and orgasm-saturated version of myself, that is. He was in bed but not asleep, and after kissing him hello, he told me to strip. I gingerly pulled off my yoga pants and t-shirt (my going home outfit) and turned in a full circle so he could see all the welts and bruises.

    “I don’t think I authorized all that,” he said, deadpan. I promptly burst into laughter, and then he demanded to see what was on my chest.

    “It’s a T for Timber,” I said.

    “Come here so I can turn it into something else.”

    I couldn’t help myself, and I started to giggle again. “Timber was right,” I said as I laid down beside him. “Two bears scratching the same tree.”

    And here’s the proof…

    Handjob Heather

     


  2. ‘Curve’ on Boobday

    November 15, 2013 by Heather Cole

    Hyacinth’s theme for this Friday’s Boobday is CURVE. What is Boobday, you ask?

    Hyacinth at A Dissolute Life Means… explains:

    “Boobday is a place for us to honor breasts of all shapes and sizes belonging to all types of folks. All of us who are the owners of breasts know their magical powers, but not everyone gets to hear it. I hope this will become a place of support and praise.”

    I participated back in June, and I submitted another photo this week. They have similar themes: me feeling self-conscious about my body. Last time I mentioned my lovers convincing me that my breasts were beautiful. This time, though, the focus was all mine. There’s beauty in the curves, y’all. Even the smaller curves.

    So hustle on over to BOOBDAY and mind the curves.

    *naked boob smoosh*

    ~Heather
    adissolutelifemeans.com/boobday/


  3. Ask Heather: Where Are All the Anal-Loving Ladies?

    November 12, 2013 by Heather Cole

    I have a question for you that I don’t quite know how to ask, so I will be as polite as I can.

    You are a rare treasure of a woman, and as a man that loves anal sex I have been hard pressed to find a woman that even remotely enjoys it. It’s usually seen as taboo, or nasty even though I know all of the ways to keep it sanitary. So here is my question. Are women who enjoy anal really so elusive, or am I not looking in the right places? I admit, even men’s gully holes are starting to look good to me at this point.

    ~Dark Passenger

     

    Dear Dark Passenger:

    Thank you very much for the politely worded question and the compliment. I appreciate both. Now let’s talk anal sex.

    Finding a person who shares your fantasies or kinks can feel like trying to find a needle in a haystack sometimes. And I’ve never understood why people place anal sex in the taboo category or see it as scandalous. In my eyes, anal sex is a part of regular, vanilla sex. CRAZY, I know. There are other women out there who feel the same <points at Nikki> and it will take patience to find them. But I know that they’re out there. I’m absolutely positively sure that they exist. Wearing a scarlet ‘AS’ on our shirts would be helpful, I know, but since many of us are undercover taking-it-in-the-ass lovers, patience is more practical. Keep the faith, Dark Passenger!

    Have you tried looking at a fetish site? Anal play is popular with many kinksters. In fact, there are anal groups that you can join to discuss your mutual adoration of ass play. But even more important than zeroing in on a certain website or concentrating all your focus on a woman who loves anal sex, I think it’s most important to find someone willing to explore it. Sometimes all it takes is someone willing to try something new or explore a concept again with a new partner. I’m speaking from first hand experience, because I didn’t always love anal.

    In college my first anal sex experience was super hot. It was like discovering a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow–unicorns and glitter abound! But many of the men I later dated didn’t even broach the subject of anal. Eventually I married, and I entered a nine-year anal sex dry spell. My ex-husband proclaimed that as far as he was concerned, I didn’t possess an asshole and he thought it was disgusting to even contemplate touching a sphincter during sex. So like I said, I went a looooooong time without anal sex. After my divorce, when I re-entered the dating world, anal sex became a hot topic again especially when I began dating kinky people. The challenge was that for a variety of reasons, anal sex had become painful for me.

    This is the part where I think finding a willing woman can be as great as finding one that is an anal whore (and I mean that as a huge compliment) right out of the box. When I started dating the man who is now my Dominant and master, I realized that if I wanted to please him in all the ways that I could, I would have to find a way to enjoy anal sex again. Sure, I could bite my tongue and take it up the ass like a good girl, but as much as sir enjoys anal sex, I knew I’d be having it a lot. Luckily for both of us, my soulmateclone Nikki Blue published a fantastic guide to anal sex and I started doing my homework.

    I learned a lot from Nikki’s guide, and sir and I have tried anal sex in different positions, with different lubes and under all sorts of conditions. Stairs are tricky. *cough* I’ve had some amazing anal sex again, but the biggest lesson I learned was that having a willing partner to explore new sexual territory is the most important component. Because as much as you think you know about a sexual topic, you could probably learn more. At least, that’s how it was in my case. All I needed was a little direction and a gentle push from sir. <snort> I’m totally restraining the cock jokes here. ANYWAY…

    It takes patience to find a willing partner, and then more patience as you explore anal sex together. Guides like Nikki’s are very helpful, and if you can show your partner that you’re willing to take it slow and that you’re focused on her enjoying the experience as much as you do, then I predict many pleasure filled times ahead of you. Don’t lose hope, Dark Passenger. We anal sex loving girls are out there. Keep in mind that sometimes we don’t realize how great it can be, but we’re willing to try if you are.

    Here’s a song to .

    Hugs,

    Heather

     


  4. Cunnilingus and Non-Monogamy

    November 9, 2013 by Heather Cole

    Nikki came through her surgery smoothly and is now resting at home and on a lot of drugs. I haven’t spoken to her yet which is why I’ve resorted to talking here. BECAUSE I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT SEX.

    <Deep breath, Heather.>

    See, people?? This is why I should never be without my soulmateclone. Otherwise I end up abusing readers with stories about anal sex under hypnosis and posting too many Catsquatch photos on Facebook.

    The good news this week was that got a sparkling review from Judi Reed at Distinctly Female. Her website is a wonderful font of feminism and sexuality and things that make you think. And it doesn’t hurt that Judi is hysterically funny.

    Today you can find me over at LTASEX talking about kink and poly and the boundaries that go with ethical, non-monogamous relationships. Jerome is a righteous dude who likes to talk about sex almost as much as I do. He has a wide range of sexual topics and some pretty, pretty photos. YUM!

    That’s the wrap-up for Vagina Antics this week. Nikki is recovering and texting me barely coherent messages, and I’m trying to amuse myself by talking about sex everywhere else.

    Hope your weekend is sexy too.

    *boob smoosh*

    Heather


  5. New Boobs For Nikki

    November 7, 2013 by Nikki Blue

    When I was contemplating what to say here, nothing felt right. Not even Mr. K’s suggestion of “Hey fuckers, I’ll be out for a week. Carry on.” Okay, so that one felt a little right for obvious reasons, but it lacked an explanation, which I felt was super important.

    Just over a year ago, I wrote about my breast implants and the need for their replacement in Blinded By Boobs. I laid my body image issues and the reasons behind them out on the table for all to see. It wasn’t easy for me to acknowledge those feelings. Then again, it never is.

    Stop laughing, Heather.

    Anyway, my mother has now been here for 16 hours, 5 minutes and 37..38..39 seconds– not that I’m counting or anything. And come 10:30 this morning, my boobs will be in the very capable hands of the most arrogant plastic surgeon I’ve ever met. He will exchange my twenty-something year old saline implants for brand spanking new ones. They will be placed under my chest muscle, my breasts will be reshaped, my areolas will be resized, and my nipples will be repositioned.

    I’m told I’ll hate him with the vehemence of Medusa when I wake.

    So, I’ll be away for a bit as I recover, but if you happen to me spot me spouting nonsense across social media over the next few days…I am SO sorry.

     
    Hugs,
    Nikki

    fake boobies


  6. I ran a half-marathon

    November 4, 2013 by Heather Cole

    Pic for VA

    Fifteen years ago I bought a book about how to run a marathon, and I began to run almost every day. But then I stopped. I justified this up and down and sideways, but the bottom line was that I lacked the self-confidence to see my dream reach fruition. Around that time I met my ex-husband and got married, and my running dream was pushed further away as I tried to become the wife I thought I was supposed to be.

    It turned out that my ex-husband wanted to run triathlons, and he set out to do so. I stayed home, though, because in his eyes I was too overweight to even attempt training for one. And since my self-esteem was already shaky, every critical word my ex spoke was like a nail in the coffin of my self-worth. He spoke aloud the secret thoughts I whispered to myself, so of course it had to be true.

    If you have ever lived with a critical person, then you know what I’m talking about. Those ugly, belittling words became a part of how I viewed myself. As our marriage was ending, I thought my ex was right. I was overweight, unattractive and the choices I wanted for my life would always leave me alone, but some part of me knew that I had to get out if I was ever going to have a chance at living a life as myself.

    At that point, I didn’t think about my running dream at all. It was buried with all the other things I figured I would eventually get to once I moved past the day-to-day-just-managing-to-hold-my-shit-together stage that many of us go through in the aftermath of divorce.

    Two years later, my running dream returned front and center when two different men entered my life. I had mentioned my running dream in passing, never thinking that they would push it front and center again in my life. Although they had different approaches, they were my loudest cheerleaders. They both became part of the catalyst that made me pull on my running clothes again, and as I pieced together my self-esteem, they bolstered me with their confidence that I could DO this. Even when I thought running a half-marathon was impossible, both of them were absolutely certain I could accomplish this. And some days I believed them more than I believed in my abilities.

    This past weekend I found myself awake at 5 a.m. and eating a Power Bar as LH made himself coffee. I felt giddy as I fumbled three times to get my timing chip tied in place on my sneaker. We watched the sun rise as we drove to where the half-marathon would start. It was perfect running weather, chilly and sunny with a slight breeze. I felt a mixture of excitement and anxiety and anticipation. I’m certainly not the fastest runner, but I don’t give up easily. I felt prepared, but I was also apprehensive about the last couple miles of the race. Miles 12 and 13 were uncharted territory for me. Although I had been hypnotized to help me break through a mental block I had about mile 10, I didn’t know what to think beyond that mile marker. I looked at LH and he repeated the words he had been saying since the beginning, “you can do this.”

    In the television series Walking Dead, there’s a scene in the first season when a ‘herd’ of zombies comes shuffling down the highway. That’s kind of how it felt when the race started. I began towards the back of the pack. The fastest runners and those running the full marathon started at the front. Even after the shot goes off to start, it takes a little bit of time for everyone to get moving. And at the start, you’re shuffling around slower people to find your pace. At some point further along the race, someone had made a sign that said “RUN LIKE ZOMBIES ARE AFTER YOU.” Apparently I wasn’t the only one with zombies on the brain.

    LH met me on the other side of the finish line to take pictures and congratulate me. I think my first words were, “that was the most terrible thing ever.” I was stunned and loopy at the same time, and part of me couldn’t comprehend what I had just achieved. It was later, after I had showered and devoured a plate of eggs and bacon, that it began to sink in that I had run 13.1 miles in an organized race. I had this uncharitable moment when I wanted to call my ex-husband and say, “Fuck you–I am more than you ever imagined. I am more than I ever imagined.” But the race wasn’t about him or his bad opinion. It was about me and making a dream my reality.

    I know now, more than I ever did before, that I can do anything I put my mind to. Whether it be lose weight or sell a hundred books… I can do it. I’m only limited by my beliefs, and I’m through thinking I don’t deserve it or that I’m unworthy. I’m done living a limited life based on others’ perceptions of me. I have this one life, this one shot, and I’m going to do my damnedest to live it to my full potential. Watch out world, here I come.


  7. Celebrating our Ladygarden

    November 1, 2013 by Heather Cole

    The Ladygarden Project is 2 years old!

    Anna asked Nikki and I to help her celebrate the 2nd anniversary of her wonderful project. CLICK HERE to see our congratulatory messages (and photos). The Ladygarden Project is an evolving exploration of sexuality that continues to grow as Anna pushes boundaries and helps other women reconnect with their sexual selves.

    When Nikki and I started Vagina Antics, it was Anna who reached out and connected with me as a fellow explorer of sexuality. She’s brave and charming and writes damn good erotica. She’s one of those people who’s spirit and kindness just shine from within, and although we live far away from one another, I can’t help but bubble with joy every time we correspond. But you don’t need to hear my gushing to become a devoted fan of The Ladygarden Project.

    Here’s why you need to start reading The Ladygarden Project:

    1. Anna has great suggestions for reconnecting with your sexuality whether you need to find it, expand it or just revel in it.

    2.  You can receive a FREE erotic story.

    3. There’s a picture of vagina cupcakes in the celebration post.

    VAGINA CUPCAKES! C’mon, y’all. You don’t need any more motivation to visit than that. Now scoot!

    Happy Anniversary, Anna! We wish you many, many more in the future.

    *boob smoosh*

    Heather


  8. We Picked Pics on Sinful Sunday!

    October 31, 2013 by Heather Cole

    The beautiful and talented Molly at Molly’s Daily Kiss asked us (SQUEE!) to pick five sinfully delicious photos from the participants at Sinful Sunday. If you’re not familiar with Sinful Sunday, you should be. Every week there are amazing photos that will make your Sunday yummy. And any other day, for that matter.

    Yes, I was over-caffeinated and Nikki was experiencing a sex hangover, but we were committed! We did it. Yes, IT. And after a series of frantic phone calls (from me) and lots of reassuring (from Nikki) we picked five favorites. Although for the record I could have picked ten at least.

    CLICK HERE to go to Sinful Sunday and enjoy the view.

    You can thank us later.

     

    xo

    Heather


  9. We’re Sex Blogging Superheroes, Y’all!

    October 29, 2013 by Nikki Blue

    Superhero Sex Blogger

    Nekkid hugs and sloppy kisses to everyone who nominated us! And boob smooshes galore to the folks at Kinkly for selecting us as one of the Top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2013! We even have a !

    We’re super thrilled to be included with such an amazing group of bloggers. Check them out! 

    Now I know I’ve said it before, but because it’s the best line ever (and I’m super dramatic), I’m gonna say it again.

    *ahem*

    The first time we didn’t feel it (we totally felt it), but this time we feel it (we feel it hard). And we can’t deny the fact that you like us, right now, you really like us! 

    Seriously, though. Thank you all for reading, commenting, and understanding our antics. It really does mean the world to us.

    Kisses and spanks,

    Nikki and Heather


  10. Slut

    October 25, 2013 by Nikki Blue

    This past summer marked the twenty-fifth year of my high school graduation. I knew the reunion was looming just over the horizon like a bad omen when the smell of has-been prom queens filled the air. But mostly I knew it was around the bend because of the We are sexy, we are great! We’re the class of 88! group I’d been added to– against my will, I might add –on Facebook, and the private messages attempting to confirm my cheery attendance to the “par-tay.”

    Cheery? Clearly, they had me confused with someone else.

    I disregarded the chatter, though. All of it. Much in the same fashion that I’ve ignored the multitude of status updates announcing every ridiculously themed mini-reunion they decided to throw. But this one struck a nerve, and when Mr. K asked if I planned to go, my self-preservation mode engaged unexpectedly.

    Pfft. Fuck no. I didn’t like those bitches in high school and I’m pretty sure I won’t like them now.”

    It was true statement. I didn’t like them, and in my opinion, they were bitches. They were also judgmental snobs, and I had a sneaking suspicion that had not changed along with their waistline over the years. But it wasn’t their high and mighty attitude that gave me pause. It wasn’t even the vivid memory of their sneers as I walked past them in faded Levi’s and my Bat Out of Hell t-shirt. What did trigger my defenses, however, was the recollection of their sweet, southern drawl as slut rolled off their forked tongues.

    Slut was a label I’d worn since I began an affair with a twenty-two year old, married man. I was barely fourteen at the time. I was also a virgin. It would have been easy to say I was in over my head and he took advantage of my innocence, but it would have been a lie. I knew exactly what I was doing.

    The label itched my skin uncomfortably. I tried not to let it get the best of me, but there were times it won, and I scratched at it until I was raw and bleeding. In a way, it blended in, becoming part of who I was as I stumbled through the intense sexual urges that consumed me. I used it, discovering sex yielded a certain power I thrived on, and like a blood thirsty vampire, I wanted more. I was ravenous, and I fed my hunger with little concern for those around me.

    Oddly, the guys treated me with respect, never making me feel like I was THAT girl. But the girls outside of my circle of friends looked at me with disdain, shocked I could hold my head high. And I did, for the most part anyway.

    Then it seemed I’d met my match in the bad boy, and they– disgruntled by the idea I may have been THE ONE –made it their mission to destroy me; the sexually open girl who willingly went against the grain of societal norms. They slapped me super hard with the label I’d tried my best to embrace, shaking it loose and out of my control. Over and over again, they reminded me and everyone within earshot I was a slut. They told the bad boy choosing me was a mistake, and he would have been much better suited to one of them in particular. They complained to my boss, refusing to eat pizza served to them by a slut. And they laughed, calling me a slut as I walked down the hallways of school.

    I stopped listening to the answering machine before erasing the messages, and I walked down the hallways with my eyes on the floor, hoping they wouldn’t notice me if they passed. I refused to go to work after they’d embarrassed me to the point of tears, but my boss wasn’t having it and banned them from the restaurant. It was my safe place and they were no longer welcome.

    Their witch hunt lasted the better part of my sophomore year, finally dissipating to the occasional slut comment in passing throughout the remainder of high school.

    If we’re lucky, ghosts of the past will lose their power and fade away to nothing more than a faint memory. But some are especially difficult to dispel, appearing when we least expect it. They can take on the form of people we try our damnedest to forget, shouting “I wouldn’t touch that slut if I was you! She’s probably got AIDS!” across a crowded parking lot.

    By the way, that one was thrown with intent to kill and it struck with the force of a shotgun blast to my chest.

    Ghosts can also materialize in the shape of a simple invitation to a high school reunion. And this one contained much more than the date and name of the DJ who would spin the tunes of yore.

    When I peered inside of it, I saw nothing but a preview of the women I knew as girls. They smiled sweetly to my face, and say it’s been too long and pry into my life. But as soon as I turned away, their smiles transformed into the wicked grins I remembered and slut dripped from their mouths once again. I decided then and there I would never allow them the opportunity to call me a slut again. The thought of it all picked at an invisible scab I never knew I had.

    I locked those years away for a long time, refusing to acknowledge their existence. But now I walk freely through the memories. I know now I wasn’t somehow flawed, that the wanton desires that fueled my compulsion were deep-rooted; they were part of my genetic make-up. Just like my green eyes, the dimple on my right cheek when I smiled, and my repugnance toward math. It was part of what made me ME. I also realize I made my share of mistakes, but I was a young girl. That aside, though, it was my body. MY choice. And they had no right to call me a slut.

     

    UnSlut