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Posts Tagged ‘kink positive’

  1. BDSM 101 Tips for the Newbie Kinkster

    March 17, 2015 by Heather Cole

    Valentine's Day BDSM gift

    No matter how hot things start out, over time, your sex life with your partner can get a little stale. You form a routine, and then before you know it, you’re in a rut. But instead of subjecting yourselves to a mediocre sex life, why not try some kinkier moves to help heat things up again? Before jumping into the deep end, take a look at our guide to help you dip your toes (and much more, of course) into the BDSM pool.

    Bondage

    In their Kinky Sex 101 guide, the writers at Adam & Eve describe the act of bondage as “a simple form of dominant/submissive sexual behavior where one sex partner is bound either to themselves (wrists tied together) or to a piece of furniture.” When experimenting with bondage, you can make yourself privy to your partner’s every whim by strapping into some cuffs, or practice your dom play by tying them up. If you’re new to bondage/restraints, it’s best to start with comfort-fit toys, such as silk ties, padded cuffs, and binding that has size adjustable straps. If you’re uncomfortable, or your extremities start to change color, your restraints are most likely too tight.

    Paddling

    Spanking or paddling can help you and your partner awaken some of your most sensitive areas. When selecting your spanking weapon of choice, your options are limited to your imagination in addition to what you and your partner are comfortable with. Beginners usually opt for classic toys like wooden or leather paddles. Eventually you can move your way up to more advanced toys that provide a little more sting, such as riding crops and leather floggers.Just don’t make the mistake of limiting your play to your partner’s rear. According to the team at the Art of Submission, “the back of the thighs and the inner thighs are often very sensitive, so you can get some nice reactions from your submissive when striking these.” Keep them guessing by varying the location and the intensity.

    Blindfolding

    Blindfolding your partner can add a whole new level of excitement to your play. Guessing where your lips, toys, paddle, etc. will venture next will have them writhing in anticipation of your touch. She Knows notes that “a blindfold is also a highly effective method for banishing body shame and shyness.” If you’re feeling too bashful to get in the BDSM mood, try eliminating the visual distractions. Get lost in the moment and focus on what you feel, instead of what you see.

    Sexy Extras

    For many kinksters, a Wartenberg wheel has become an increasingly popular addition to their toy collection. It was originally designed as a medical device to test nerve reaction and sensitivity, but it can also be used as a stimulating way to tickle your lover’s skin. Additionally, you can experiment with collars and leashes, or even nipple clamps for added excitement. Once you get into the spirit of BDSM, your options for play are truly endless.

    Just remember: you should never do anything that makes you or your partner uncomfortable. Aways have a safe word, and be sure to have established boundaries in place before getting started. Communicate, communicate, communicate about what you want to do (and not do) before embarking on a new activity. BDSM can be an amazing journey into emotional intimacy if you and your partner are open about sharing your experiences together.

    Who knows, you may learn that your sex life isn’t so “routine” after all.

     

    my37j

     


  2. Why You Should Vote for Sex

    October 14, 2014 by Heather Cole

     

    Everyone is talking about voting. The November elections are just around the corner, and we’ve been talking about the sex elections here as well. In short, you should vote for sex.

     

    You can vote for us at Kinkly:  Kinkly’s 2014 Sex Superheroes Contest

    You can nominate us at Between My Sheets:  2014 Top Sex Bloggers 2014

     

    So why should you take three minutes to vote or nominate Vagina Antics? It’s not like we can make birth control affordable and accessible to women everywhere… or can we? Part of what we strive to do on our blog is expose our readers to sex positive messages. Maybe you love reading about our adventures but wouldn’t do them yourself. That’s OK. We’re not here to convert you or say that we’re holier than thou sexually because we push sexual boundaries.  The point is that regardless of your sexual orientation, gender, or the sexual choices in your personal life, we want y’all to see the breadth of what’s out here. Acceptance and tolerance are direct results of education, and although we’re not formal educators, we try to present sex, kink, and relationships in a positive way. Voting for us is getting the word out, so that we can touch even more people. Um… wait… I mean expose ourselves to new friends. Hold on… that’s not quite right either.

    If you’ve already voted and shared our blog with someone, we thank you from the bottom or our dirty, little hearts. Hell, we thank you for clicking on our blog and reading every week. Without you, we’d be broadcasting Vagina Antics with only my mama reading. (and she tells me all the time that my language is shocking)

    A vote for Vagina Antics is a vote for sex and kink positivity. Damn, we need t-shirts.

    HUGS and *boob smooshes*

    ~Heather


  3. Golden Showers: Two Perspectives

    March 12, 2014 by Heather Cole

    When it comes to watersports (Urban Dictionary definition: “In BDSM terminology, refers to sensual or erotic play involving bodily fluids, typically urine, saliva, and less commonly, blood. Considered ‘edge-play’…”) Nikki has had more experience than me, and she has written about her good times with Mr. K on Vagina Antics. When I entered the BDSM lifestyle, urine used as a facet of play time didn’t hit my radar. Not in a oh-this-is-so-gross-I’ll-never-do-it way, but more like I didn’t know it was a thing. In fact, Nikki didn’t discuss her water games with me until she was ready to write her blog post. My reaction was “you did WHAT? Of course you should write about it!” And that was my first exposure to erotic play involving pee. We can all blame Nikki Blue.

    We’re writing about both our perspectives today, because they’re so different. We both have fun with watersports but in different ways. I was going to make a joke about y’all reading in the “splash zone” but never mind. I’ll keep it classy.

    Enjoy!

     

    Heather

    On my list of kinks, urine was in the ‘I don’t have a fetish about this, but if you really want to I’m game to try something” category. It was never added to my play list, because I was having so many other firsts with D/s and my master. Urine first entered our conversation after a dominant friend of ours related a story where he used his sub hard and when she was crumpled on the floor in a sweaty, teary mess, he pissed on her then walked out of the room. I know what you’re thinking. Holy shit, that sounds so MEAN. For those masochists among us who were into a little humiliation, though, there was something poetic and degrading and… it gave me tingles. Not because of the physical feeling of being pissed on, or the actual urine, but the drama of the scene. There she lay, utterly depleted and used emotionally and physically, and the closing action was to be a receptacle of his piss. Afterwards he scooped her up, showered her, snuggled and told her how much he loved her. But in that moment, in that scrap of time in their universe, she was this thing to be used in whatever way he wished. From my perspective of masochist and slave, there was something terrible and beautiful in that like the best kind of dark fairy tale.

    After I related that anecdote, the element of watersports was assimilated into the fantasies of sir. He liked to brainstorm out loud, so I heard a lot of scenarios escape from that man’s mouth. Many of them freaked me the fuck out, but that was half the fun for both of us. He wouldn’t do most of them, because his intention wasn’t to damage me. Hurt me, yes, but not damage me. He began talking about pissing on me, and I listened, reacting appropriately when the ideas became extreme. And then one day as we showered together, he pissed on me. I didn’t have to look down to know he was doing it. He had this expression on his face that I could only describe as one that my cat had when I accidentally walked in on him using the litter box. The one that said he knew I’m watched him do his business and he could give two flying fucks. Sir had a similar attitude. Part of me wanted to act in a ridiculously squeamish way and whine about how GROSS it was even though it wasn’t disgusting at all. I mean, who didn’t pee in the shower on occasion? My reactions, though, were part of what sir looked for, so I sighed loudly and set about washing myself again in a resigned manner, ever the practical slave.

    The next time, though, I was sitting on the toilet after a particularly rough fucking. I still wore a sports bra and was taking a breather and relieving myself. Sir walked in the bathroom, as he often does (I’m prohibited from privacy so all doors were open when it was only the two of us), and ordered me to spread my legs wider. Next thing I knew, he was pissing into the toilet. I think my mouth dropped open, and before I could utter a word, he directed his stream over my breasts. I shrieked, NOT ON MY SPORTS BRA! He laughed and told me to get in the tub if I was going to complain.

    “I can’t believe you’re doing this!” I squealed and stepped gingerly into the shower.

    I was aware of the cooling piss dripping down my abdomen and the slight smell of ammonia. Part of me still couldn’t believe he was going to continue. The air felt cool in contrast to the hot urine, and I stood in partial shock as he pissed all over the front of my body. He smiled at my reaction then shook his head with mock chagrin.

    “What kind of girl stands still for a man to piss on her?”

    I felt my cheeks grow hot with shame. “A dirty girl,” I whispered.

    “Do you feel dirty?” he asked. I nodded, peeking at him through my lashes. The smile of satisfaction on his face made my heart beat harder.

    “How embarrassing for you” he replied.

    I was mortified and ashamed, and as soon as those two elements combined, I started to feel aroused. As sir watched me squirm, I wanted to fuck him again. Lips, fingers, tongue… I didn’t care. I was his dirty girl, the one he knew would do almost anything to please him. It was uncomfortable and the pee was starting to turn cold, but the look in his eyes as he watched my small humiliation made it all worth it. Eventually he helped pull off my bra and started the shower for me.

    “You’re such a good girl,” he said as he pulled the shower curtain closed. “Get cleaned up. I’m not done with you yet.”

    Nikki:

    Part of the beauty of my relationship with Mr. K is that we play with few limits. We’re open to trying most anything together and we are incredibly turned on by each other’s scent and body fluids. His slow licks down my sweat-soaked back while he fucks my ass make my head spin, he nearly orgasms when I spit in his mouth, and precum leaks from the tip of his cock when he cleans me with his tongue after I pee. And after everything, he kisses me long and deep, sharing what he loves with me. He’s always said he would never do anything to me that would keep him from kissing me afterward. Yep, he’s a keeper.

    I’ve written here and there about our foray into Watersports, so I won’t bog y’all down with the same warm, wet details, but I will say I still haven’t been able to successfully pee on Mr. K due to my bladder’s performance anxiety issues. And it’s something I desperately want to do for him. I can pee when we shower together and while sitting on the toilet with his fingers between my legs, but for now, peeing ON him seems to be a hard limit for my bladder. Fucking bladder.

    Like Heather, I get peed on as we shower too. Every time. But the difference between us is that I expect it, want it even. It’s a totally natural act for us and I love the feeling of the warm fluid streaming over my body. I watch as it flows and the look of pleasure on Mr. K’s handsome face as it does is a super huge bonus.

    With that having been said, it’s not often I’m able to say something that surprises Heather, but when it comes to my Watersports tales, I leave her in a constant state of WHAAAAAA? And I confess I kinda like it. I may have even rendered her speechless when I told her Mr. K had peed on my face, boobs, and in my mouth. I think she was pretty shocked when I didn’t find it gross, humiliating, or feel dirty, but that’s not how it was intended to be received. Mr. K would be horrified at the thought of making me feel that way. He pees on me because to him, drenching me with his body fluid is a wonderfully intimate expression. It’s a moment of sharing I will always welcome. Every golden, salty drop.


  4. Vanilla Isn’t a Bad Thing, It’s Just Not My Thing

    October 10, 2013 by Nikki Blue

    He asked if we were turning vanilla. Not that there’s anything wrong with vanilla, because there’s not. I happen to like it. A lot, actually. I like vanilla icing and vanilla cake too. Ooooh, and vanilla lattes are the bomb. But in terms of sex, vanilla just doesn’t work for me. I relate it to unhappy times in my life which was why Mr. K’s question during a recent text conversation put me on high alert. His words were unexpected and jarring, and because I was a glass-half-empty kind of girl, I immediately assumed the worst. White-hot panic shot through me as I lay in my bed one hundred forty-something miles from him, my mind racing to understand why he would say such a thing. Was he growing tired of me? Was he falling out of love? Did the things he once loved now make him YAWN?

    “Nooooo! Why??” I replied. If I’d spoken the words aloud, my voice would have been unnaturally shrill, because helloooo–panic.

    “Toys. We used no toys.”

    The words glared at me rudely, and I glared back. And in the midst of our showdown, I began to wonder if the horrid heat radiating from my core wasn’t panic but a hot flash instead. Fucking hormones… He was right, though. Other than my butt plug, which I ALWAYS wear for him, our toys remained untouched during our last three visits. The simple truth was that time didn’t always allow for toys, and there were occasions when kinky hotness strayed from a planned scene, taking on a life of its own.

    For example: Mr. K wanted face-sitting, pegging, and spanking during one of the visits in question, but he arrived feeling super dominant, and that turned me all kinds of inside out. Then there was our last visit, which was…well, see, there was this really BIG mirror and a camera phone, and lots of fucking. Then Mr. K pushed my legs open while I sat on the toilet, licking my pussy after I peed. Oh, and there was more fucking. A lot of it. So yeah, toys never entered my mind. But does mean we’re vanilla-fying (totally a word)? Fuck no.

    Mr. K and I went at it hard during the first months of our relationship. Not a second of our time together was wasted, and we used every toy in our arsenal. We rode the high of finding another to whom we could express our kinky desires without fear of judgement, and we slept very little. But in my opinion, playing with toys didn’t make us kinky. It’s the way we’re wired; the way we think.

    If you think about licking your girlfriend’s sweat from the crack of her ass after she works out, you might be a kinkster. Or, if you call Home Depot ‘Dom’ Depot, you might be a kinkster.

    Move the fuck over, Jeff Foxworthy. I’ve got this.

    My point is, we see a lot of things in a different light. And the beauty of kink is there are many degrees and no qualifying guidelines. If a person considers themselves kinky because they like their hair pulled during sex, then by God, they’re kinky. Nowhere does it state a person must wield a flogger for X number of hours before the title of kinkster is granted. Again, toys don’t make the kinkster; the kinkster makes the toys. Or something like that.

    I didn’t hear from Mr. K again that day until early afternoon, and by that time, I’d run a million errands, overreacted, and freaked out accordingly. I was prepared to hear discontent in his voice, and concern that our sex life was growing stale. But to my surprise, there was no disappointing tone, and he wasn’t dissatisfied. He was happy. And he agreed that we don’t always need to play with toys. “It feels good just as us,” he said. “It just does.”

    “So you don’t think we’re turning vanilla?”

    He laughed. “Hell no. That was a joke.”

    Jesus fucking Christ.

    “Are you kidding me?”

    “Nope.”

    Heh. Isn’t it funny how the word ‘vanilla’ can throw a kinkster into a tailspin? No, it’s not. Not at all.


  5. Dear Ladies of Vagina Antics: what are your thoughts on ‘making love’?

    August 28, 2013 by Nikki Blue

    What’s your thought on the phrase ‘making love’? Do you ever ask someone to ‘make love to me’? & is it possible to “make love” anally? My girlfriend says no, as it’s a more submissive act, and raunchy. Great blog, thanks!
    craig

     

    Dear Craig:

    Neither Nikki nor myself knew that when we read your questions, you would be sparking a revelation. Although we’re soulmateclones and have talked about practically everything under the sun and have seen each other naked and, um… <cough> Anyway… Nikki didn’t know that I avoided using the term “making love.” BOOM! Revelation rendered. It was an unintentional attack of shock and awe. OK, so not much awe, but I know that Nikki gasped. Maybe once. But let me explain why I hate that phrase.

    I refuse to use the term “making love.” So much so that I’ve told the people I fuck that if they utter that phrase during our naked time I’m kicking them out of my bed. To me, the phrase “making love” conjures the poignant moment in the Romantic Comedy when the lights dim, the sweet music starts and couple shares a physical joining that somehow encompasses all their love and dreams and life’s purpose culminating in mutual orgasms timed precisely at the same time so that they think, breathe and feel a magical communion of body and soul. It’s a happily ever after moment that’s great for film and telling a story effectively. But it comes nowhere close to what I believe are realistic expectations in the bedroom.

    “Making love” seems to say that for sex to be emotionally significant, it must be tender and delivered in a gentle manner. I say bullshit. I also don’t want my partners to feel like every time we have sex it must be done in a romantic way in order to communicate that they have feelings for me. I don’t want Prince or Princess Charming in my bed. I want a real person and an authentic sexual experience for everyone involved.

    Instead of making love, I’m fond of saying “fuck.” In fact, I love to say fuck, and I love to fuck. I choose to use this word to describe the sex I have, because I feel that it best communicates the intensity of what I feel with my sexual partners. It’s a visceral emotional and physical interaction that leaves us breathless and as close as two (or three) people could be. Fucking can be tender and gentle or rough and slaphappy. In my vocabulary book, it’s a flexible word that can be used to describe all sorts of sexual configurations independent of gender and sexual preferences.

    In my humble opinion, the English language doesn’t have enough words to describe sexual intercourse. If the Inuit dialect has at least 53 words* to describe the nuances of “snow” then why can’t the English language have the same for “sex?” The fact of the matter is that there’s no inbetween word that lies between the romanticized, over-emotional ‘making love’ and the hard-hitting word ‘fuck.’ You’re either dressed as a knight and wooing your fair maiden to bestow her favor upon your codpiece or you’re backing her up against the wall and getting down and dirty with her. These are just two words that mean sex. What counts is how you and your girlfriend feel when you connect physically and emotionally in a sexual way. Call it fucking badminton if you like; what remains is that you love each other, right?

     

    Heather

    ********************

    It’s true. I gasped when Heather confessed her strong dislike for the act of, and even the term ‘making love’. I may have even stuttered. I mean seriously, we’ve been besties for nearly three years now and we know everything about the other, OR SO WE THOUGHT.

    *ahem*

    We do know quite a bit about each other, though. Heather has a lifetime subscription to my Vagina Report, and I’ve seen her nekkid, a lot. But we had no idea we had such different views on making love. It truly was a revelation.

    A ‘sexelation’!

    Yes? Yes? Pfft, whatever.

    Katie Kamara said:

     

    “Love making is the matrimony of physical desire, spiritual elevation, and emotional alignment and synchronicity.”

     

    That’s some pretty heavy stuff, but let’s talk a little about ‘fucking’ before we dive into those deep waters.

    In the past, ‘fucking’ was an unemotional act for me. It was a no-strings, get your rocks off, get the fuck out of my bed kind of thing. My feelings on ‘fucking’ have changed greatly, though. ‘Fucking’ can be rife with emotion, but in my opinion, it fills a different, more primal need. And if love is part of the equation, it doesn’t disappear when fucking. I just think it’s channeled differently.

    ‘Making love’, however, is very different for me because of the elements of pure emotion involved. It fills the needs of my softer side.

    Yes, I have one. Shut up.

    Anyway, I never hesitate to ask, or even beg Mr. K to make love to me. I’m not afraid to admit I need moments of tenderness, or that I need to hear I love you in my ear. He needs those moments, too. He needs to feel my legs wrapped around him, holding him impossibly close. And then he needs to flip me over and fuck my brains out because it’s how we roll.

    To me, anal penetration is no different than vaginal penetration, really. Okay, there’s a whole lotta difference as far as holes are concerned, but the psychology of it is the same. While there are those who view anal sex only as an act of submission, or “raunchy” fucking, there are others, like me, who don’t limit its definition. Unlike the anus itself, the definition of anal play is flexible and can be molded to fit the ‘headspace’ of the moment. Anal sex can be whatever you want it to be. It can be the ultimate act of submission, it can be rough and raunchy, and it can also be the rawest form of making love.

    So the bottom line is yes, you can make love anally, which means your girlfriend is wrong. You can even tell her I said so. Just kidding. *I’m totally serious*

     

    Nikki

    **********************

     

    David Robson. There really are 50 Eskimo words for ‘snow’. New Scientist. The Washington Post, 14 Jan. 2013. Web. 28 Aug. 2013. <http://articles.washingtonpost.com/2013-01-14/national/36344037_1_eskimo-words-snow-inuit>


  6. Like Mother Like Daughter?

    May 8, 2012 by Nikki Blue

    I’m a very sexual person and I’m not embarrassed or ashamed to admit it. I talk openly about the things I’ve done, the things I need, and the things I want. I readily admit that I was just fourteen years old when I gave my virginity away to a twenty-two year old married man. Should I have waited until I was older and had a better understanding of the value of my virginity? Probably, but there’s nothing that can be done to change it now. That infinitesimal speck of life experience is what has made me who I am today, and that I wouldn’t alter for any amount of do-overs.

    With all that being said, I now have a thirteen year old daughter. A daughter who is smart and beautiful, and holy Jesus is she a hard-headed, pain in the ass. She has exhibited no signs of being boy crazy, and trust me, I know the signs well. She’s a watcher, and she doesn’t ask questions. She figures it out on her own and that’s not always a good thing.

    The other day I checked the history on the computer as I often do, to see what she’s been up to besides spending an ungodly amount of hours liking stupid status updates on Facebook. When how to be really good at sex popped up in the list of visited sites between Woozworld and YouTube, I felt like I’d been kicked in the gut.

    Holy fucking shit.

    I shouldn’t have been terribly worried because the google search landed her on Redbook Magazine. Seriously, how much are they going to teach her? That’s like the Disney channel compared to the naughtiness Heather and I write about on Vagina Antics. I began to wonder what aspects of her would most resemble me. It wasn’t easy having such a strong yearning for sex when I was a teenager. It was confusing, and I made a lot of mistakes while trying to figure out why I was so different from the other girls my age. I also earned myself a scandalous reputation in the process. The worst part, and most dangerous, was committing the better part of my teens to a single relationship that fulfilled my desires yet nearly killed me.

    My first knee jerk reaction was to jump online and purchase a chastity belt. My second idea was to lock her in the garage for the duration of puberty, but then I realized I’d have to let her out to shower and use the bathroom and that’s just way too much work. And then, of course, there would be the “concerns” of Family and Children’s Services. I hear they kind of frown on that sort of thing.

    After I calmed down and began to think rationally again, I saw an opportunity to talk to her about sex when most kids her age are learning about it from their friends the way I did. Am I going to divulge details about blow jobs and rimming? Fuck no, but I want her to know that she can count on me to give her the best answers I can, no matter how ‘icky’ they are to her. She was embarrassed when I confronted her and tried to deny it was her curiosity that got her busted. I assured her that I wasn’t angry, but if she continued to lie about it, life as she knew it would cease to exist because I’d take her phone, her iPad, and her TV. Then I’d make her tell me how cool I am every day for a week. If I can’t have a little fun with it, what’s the point?

    If she turns out to be a sexual being like me, so be it. We do share the same DNA. I can’t shield her, but I can educate her. My job at this point is to try to keep her from making the same mistakes I made. I’ll be supportive, and most importantly, I’ll tell her that if she does decide to have sex before she’s ready to handle the responsibility that comes along with it, her kidneys will fall out of her vagina. Because when it comes down to it, I’m a good mom.