My first exposure to porn was during my sophomore year of college. The guy I was seeing suggested it at dinner, I think more as a test of how I would react than because he actually liked the idea. We rendezvoused at his dorm room, the two of us plus his roommate, his roommate’s girlfriend and her best friend. But I wasn’t scandalized. I wasn’t even titillated. I was bored. After ten minutes I had enough of the huffing and puffing on screen and started kissing my guy. This was also the night that I first had sex in front of other people. I can’t remember a single thing about the porno, but I sure as hell remember my explosive orgasm and how amazingly hot it was to fuck in front of an audience.
For years I assumed something had to be wrong with me when I didn’t find traditional porn satisfying. It wasn’t until I began talking to B that I stumbled upon what I liked. He had a similar meh feeling about traditional porn although I didn’t know it at the time. He sent me a DM with a link to a black and white tumblr pic, and I was hooked. I loved that moment caught in time, his fingers lightly pressed against her jaw, the second before they kissed captured on camera. I liked suggestion. Just enough to let my mind and fingers do the rest. I like women and men of different shapes and sizes, and sometimes, it’s the setting that does it for me more than the people in the photo. Our tumblr correspondence was a revelation.
The truth of the matter is that I need room for my brain to connect with the fantasy. A picture captures just enough to start my mind humming and lets me fill in the blanks. It could be a fragment of conversation, an email, a text about how you want to kiss me. It could be a story I wrote about you, me and a stranger in a hotel room, or the ex-lover you dumped but who wants to meet me. All of that is fuel for my masturbatory fantasies, I just need a picture to light me on fire. And if it’s a pic of someone I know? Oh honey, call the fire department, I’m setting the bed alight.
My attitude regarding porn isn’t about a particular moral or religious position. Naturally I have an opinion about what I think is well done or not and what appeals to me as a woman with a brain. My ho-hum feeling is mostly due to the fact that I’m not a voyeur. Watching others fuck doesn’t get me off. I like fucking in the same room while other people go at it or being in a situation where we’re all participating. But what really rings my chimes is when they’re watching ME fuck. My lovelies, I’m an exhibitionist. I don’t want to look at porn. I want to be in the middle of it.
And here comes a deep, dark secret: some of my favorite porn pictures are of me. *blush* Not because I think I have the perfect body or the best O-face. I enjoy seeing the evidence of a great fuck. One pic that I like best was taken in low light, and the cum on my face gleams in the dimness. Another one is of my ass after a beating, when I was laying there, feeling rapturous and in subspace. Looking at the photos of my private collection transports me back to that moment, those feelings of being consumed yet connected by sex and my partners.
At heart I’m a good girl. I wear dresses with pearls and vintage aprons when I bake. I pay my taxes and go to church. When the camera comes out, though, you can expect the best oral sex of your life and some crazy hot fucking. In my humble opinion, that’s the best kind of porn there is.
