I’ve pondered anal orgasms for days now and I’m no closer to knowing what to write about them than I am to receiving a shiny Mother of the Year award for my outstanding parenting skills. I’m tired and I’m frustrated, and all I can think about is how I’d sell one of my kids to a band of gypsies for a stack of buttermilk pancakes with boysenberry syrup, but I digress.
I realize I’m struggling with this particular subject matter because despite how often Mr. K and I have anal sex, I’ve never actually experienced an anal orgasm. Sure I’ve had clitoral orgasms during our anal sexcapades, and the delicious sensation that shoots straight to my clit when Mr. K penetrates my asshole is wickedly intense. I haven’t orgasmed from anal stimulation though. And I really want to.
Rumor has it the female anal orgasm occurs from indirect stimulation of the G-Spot through the vaginal wall, but science suggests the nerve endings that flood the anus move through the same nerve that activates the clitoris; the pudendal nerve. So which is true? Who the fuck knows. Finding concrete information regarding the female anal orgasm has been nearly as challenging as finding a lone silver sequin in a glitter factory. Even with my internet ninja skills. Most search results provide links to videos on porn sites and we all know that’s always a credible source. *eye roll* Some argue its existence altogether, saying the anal-o is nothing more than a sexy creation of orgasm mythology.
I disagree with the naysayers though. They’re harder to find, but there are women who have had what seems to be the elusive anal orgasm. They can be found spouting their experiences with what is apparently the Super Bowl of orgasms on FetLife, message boards, and blogs. I’ve read in some cases where anal orgasms are so powerful women have passed out from them, gushed like a fire hydrant, or they were so overwhelmed with pleasure they were left shaking uncontrollably. I confess I’m totally down with that.
Prostate orgasms are a different story though. The interwebs are damn near busting at the html with hard facts, benefits and techniques. Using diagrams, websites and books on the art of prostate pleasure tell us the gland is located one to two inches inside a man’s rectum toward the front of his body. And they tell us that we can give our men mindblowing orgasms by massaging the walnut shaped gland with our finger or a dildo. The first time I did this to Mr. K, he found the stimulation extremely pleasurable but when he said he felt like he was going to pee I stopped, worried I was doing it wrong. But they say it’s normal for the man to feel like he’s going to pee just before a prostate orgasm. Well, “they,” whoever you are, I’ll be testing this theory when Mr. K visits in a few days.
We spent some time today talking about my anal orgasms, or lack thereof, and Mr. K asked if there is something we’re not doing right. I didn’t have an answer for him. But realistically, orgasm or not, how can something that feels so amazing be wrong? We’re not giving up on them though. We’ve vowed to dedicate ourselves to the worthy cause of discovering the almighty anal orgasm. You know, for science.
