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Posts Tagged ‘Kinky women’

  1. The Truth About Kinky Women

    November 15, 2012 by Nikki Blue

    I’m frustrated. As a matter of fact, I’m downright pissed off. Many men are choosing not to exercise the intellect, tact, or class that God gave them and it’s elevating my blood pressure to a dangerous level. In other words, I’m gonna blow.

    The anonymity of the net allows many to forget that even though I’m a kinky sex blogger who is also a member of a fetish site, I’m a woman with feelings and I deserve respect. So, if I’m asked if I really like a guys dick in my mouth, the answer will be, “fuck off.” And if receive a DM asking to see the video I made for my boyfriend, expect that shit to be posted on Instagram. Oh, and to the guy who asked if I forgot to open my legs, what does that mean?

    Anyway, I found a journal entry on Fet’s Kinky & Popular page this morning that resonated with me. I threw my hands up and shouted, “Yes! A man who gets it!” So, I thank you, Mr. Zeitgeist, for penning the words many women have been screaming; kinky and vanilla alike. And thank you for giving permission to share.

     

     

    The Truth About Kinky Women

    This was written in response to a FetLife post. The poster was wondering why no one was responding to his profile or his entreaties to be invited to parties.

    You want to meet a girl that you can explore your kinky side with. That’s wonderful.

    Let me ask you something:

    • Do you have a match.com or OK Cupid a profile that says “I’m a guy. I’m looking for a girl. If you’re a girl or know a girl, would you send her to me please?”
    • Suppose you’re into stamp collecting. Do you go into stamp-collecting forums and say “I’m a guy who thinks he may like stamp collecting, and I’m looking for a girl to fuck and teach me about stamp collecting.”?
    • Do you see a girl at Starbucks drinking coffee and say “Hey, I like coffee, too. Wanna fuck?”

    Every time you post on here asking for people to “help you out,” that’s exactly what you’re doing.

    You seem to think that just because a woman is into getting tied up, beaten, and fucked in the ass, she’s somehow different from a “normal” woman. You seem to think that just because a woman likes to have sex, talk about sex, and sometimes be naked in front of people, she should want to do that with you, without knowing anything at all about you except that you like women to get naked in front of you.

    Submissives aren’t submissive to everyone

    You’ll hear submissives say “I’m submissive, but I’m not yoursubmissive.” No matter how many times you’ve read The Story of O, there is no chateau full of submissive women who are available on demand to anyone who wants to use them.

    Kinky women are not whores

    Some kinky women may like it when their partner calls them “whore,” but they’re not sex workers. They’re not in the business of making sex of any sort available to all comers. (And contrary to popular belief, there is not a rule that actual sex workers have to accept whoever is willing to pay them.)

    Kinky women are not easy

    Some kinky women have multiple partners. Some women will do some sort of limited play with people they just met. As a rule most women will not get intimate with a guy they know nothing about. Kinky women are no different.

    Kinky women are not objects

    Sure, some women like being objectified, to be used as furniture, ashtrays, fuck toys, even toilets. But you know what? The women who like that trust the people who do that to them, Do you know why they trust them? Because they know them as people. They have connected as human beings before they connected as kinksters.

    Kinky women have feelings

    Do some kinky women want to be humiliated, degraded, hurt, and used? Absolutely. This may be hard to understand, but while they may want all those things, they want them in a supportive, trusting, and caring environment. You call my girlfriend a bitch, she’ll kick your balls. I call her a bitch, and she melts in my arms. See the difference?

    The Truth About Kinky Women by Septimus1812 is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.

    Category Randomness | Tags: , | 17 Comments

  2. Just Call Me Sybil

    October 5, 2012 by Nikki Blue

    Each day I stand in front of the mirror, and I see two very different people in the reflection before me. The image doesn’t represent the inner turmoil of self-doubt and pain that it once did, but it’s troubling nonetheless. There are times that the stress of managing my dual personalities crashes down on me, and I end up feeling a bit like Sybil. But with better shoes. Even though the two sides of me are respectful of the other and they co-exist peacefully, for the most part anyway, determining the appropriate times to allow each one into the spotlight can be quite challenging. It can also be exhausting.

    I want to scream “I am Nikki Blue of Vagina Antics!” at the top of my lungs to anyone who will listen, but I can’t. It would be a selfish move that carries the possibility of ending badly. I have children to think about whose emotional and social well-being are my first priority. Revealing myself could affect them negatively and I would lay down my life before I would let any harm come to them. I also have an ex-husband who has the tendency to lean hard towards bat-shit crazy. To such a degree that the night he threatened to take my babies from me concluded with a S.W.A.T. stand-off and an ambulance ride to a mental health facility for the next seventy-two hours.

    I’ve worked hard to shield our children from his erratic behavior, but he’s not capable of showing me the same respect. I realized that the night he tried to rip my heart to shreds in front of them. He would love nothing more than to gather ammunition to paint me as a bad mother with loose morals and questionable judgment. I live with the fear every day that he will somehow stumble across Vagina Antics and put two and two together. I know deep down the odds of it happening are slim, especially since the man can barely manage to send an email on his own. But the thought of it still wakes me up in a cold sweat.

    I’m a single mother trying to set a good example for both of my kids. It’s important to me that they see me stand on my own. I’m going back to college, I’m building a business, and I write what I want, how I want. I’m also a woman with needs, and keeping my kinky lifestyle separate from my children isn’t always easy, but I do my best. I have a long-time partner who doesn’t exist as far as they are concerned. I love my toys and keep them in a bag on the top shelf in my closet. I confess that I forget to put one of them away from time to time, leaving it on the bathroom counter for my kid or some sort of repair man to notice. You would think I’d learn, but I don’t. And while the embarrassment is easy to conceal as I tell my young son that the purple butt plug is a stress reliever, the chuckle from the repair man makes me want to die.

    I make sure I keep the lines of communication open with my teenage daughter. I want her to know that she can talk to me about anything, and I won’t judge her. I see a lot of me in her, and it scares the shit out of me. She’s strong-willed, sarcastic, and independant. She’s also a people watcher. She watches everything I do, and she hears everything I say which makes for some pretty creative cover-ups at times. I don’t like keeping secrets from her, and I don’t do it because I think the things I do are wrong. I do it to protect her, because she’s too young for that kind of exposure. She is now the reason I delete the history every time I use the desktop computer for anything Vagina Antics related, and the reason I periodically change the password on my laptop. I’m also very protective of my phone because the extensive library of incredibly intimate photographs and videos I keep would be enough to traumatize her for life.

    It’s a continual tightrope act to keep the two sides of me from colliding into each other, producing a scandalous uproar. I have to be conscious of which address I send emails from, what tabs are displayed on my computer screen when my daughter is behind me, and which Facebook account I post Instagram pictures to. The same Instagram account that I recently spent twenty minutes convincing the teen I don’t have, by the way. And when she swore she would find it if I had one, I swallowed hard and wished her the best of luck.

    One day I’ll tell the teen how important it is that she is true to herself sexually, that she should never be ashamed of her desires, whatever they may be. One day I’ll tell her and everyone else that I am Nikki Blue, co-writer and shenanigans maker at Vagina Antics. But not today. She’s not ready for it. And neither am I.

    Category Randomness | Tags: ,, | 1 Comment

  3. The Time I Wanted to Punch Yoda

    October 3, 2012 by Heather Cole

    Luke: All right, I’ll give it a try.
    Yoda: No. Try not. Do… or do not. There is no try.

    I’ve almost broken myself of the habit of saying, “I’ll try.” Most of the time I say, “I’m going to do my best.” This practice is manifesting itself in my life in some incredible ways. I’m doing work that I love, my daughter is healthy and happy, and I’m dating a wonderful woman. I’m making friends and connecting with fellow writers, and every night I’m thanking the universe for the abundance in my life. Oh it’s not roses every day, but I’m creating the life I have always wanted. So why the hell am I punching Yoda, you ask? Because I’m afraid and punching a short jedi makes me feel better. Just kidding. I don’t really want to punch him, but I would like to borrow his light saber for a couple hours.

    Most days I’m not afraid. Most of the time I don’t worry that my ex-husband is going to discover our blog and haul me to court to fight for custody. Just writing that, however, spurs the monkeys in my brain to chatter fearfully. I’ve read about that happening. A sex-positive, kinky woman came out on her blog and put a face to her words. She wanted to stop hiding and embrace her identity wholly, and her ex-husband suddenly sued her for sole custody of their child as a result. They battled it out for five years until he finally dropped it. Reading her story was like watching my worst nightmare come to life. I work damn hard to keep my Vagina Antics work and kinky life separate from my daughter. I work even harder to keep my life secret from my ex-husband.

    Last night my mother said, “I didn’t know how bad it was until I visited you before you moved out. I had no idea how he was treating you.” Her words managed to push me right back into the feelings of that time and the constant fear that accompanied me. I spent most of my marriage afraid of what that man could do, and then ironically, he did even worse than that when I told him I was leaving. All the horrible things he said to me meant nothing in comparison to the threat of taking our daughter. The sheriff, the subpoena, the formal language sprawled over eight pages of thick paper detailing an investigation of my life… thinking about that time still makes me cry. It’s like my body can’t help but remember the terror despite my mind reminding me that it’s over.

    Yoda is right, dammit. I’m not trying. I’m consciously refusing to let that anxiety consume me again. I work hard and save my kinky social life for the evenings that my child is with the ex. I keep moving forward, meeting new people and telling them about Vagina Antics when I feel safe to do so. I’m sorry if I keep some things hidden, but there’s that nagging voice of worry in my head. What if they know him somehow? What if he finds out? What if he comes after me again?

    The balance of good here is much greater than my fears, and someday way down the road, I hope to be able to post my smiling face next to my writing. In that far off future, I want to be able to talk frankly with my daughter about my journey. I’ll skip the details of the naked parts, of course, but I want her to know that I didn’t hide because I was ashamed. I would rip the heart out of anyone who hurt her, and I don’t want my choices to limit hers in any way. But I probably won’t tell her about threatening Yoda. Hey, we all have our secrets.

    Category Divorce | Tags: ,,, | No Comments