My point here is that we’ve all had a few blunders, but that doesn’t make us any less gifted or desirable.
I’ve always prided myself on my erotic talents. I was determined to excel at pleasing men, and I did what it took to learn how. I learned early on that they are every bit as complex as women. It seemed that women only considered the end result when they thought of sex: cum in you or on you. Or, for the squeamish, getting it cleaned off as quickly as possible. I always felt that how I got to that conclusion was every bit as important. To me satisfying a lover takes skill, and it takes confidence.
Given the goals that I had at such a tender age, it is no surprise that I was more sexually mature and confident than my peers. While they were worried that a boy might want to round second base on the third date, I was having multiple orgasms with the town’s ultimate bad boy. I may have looked and sounded like the southern good girl that I was brought up to be on the outside, but on the inside, I was as dirty as they came.
I was the girl who exuded sexual confidence. I was also the girl who earned a master’s degree in hiding the bruises left behind when the town bad boy lost his temper.
After I broke free, I spent years using sexual aggressiveness as a form of control. I thought it was what I needed, because I’d had so much control taken from me forcibly by the town bad boy. It turned out that it was the sex after the violence that I craved. It was the fucking that consumed me to the point where I couldn’t hear anything but the roaring in my ears. It nursed me into a state of total submission, only I didn’t know it at the time. Looking back, I realize that it was the conclusion that I truly wanted, that dreamy place of contentment that kinksters call ‘subspace.’ It took me quite some time after that to understand that what I needed wasn’t to be in control, it was to give up control. And to answer your question, yes, I like a bit of pain.
With all that being said, I’m still learning things about myself and about men. For example, when men claim to be dominant right off the bat, chances are very good they’re not even in the same ball park. And sadly, some men interpret ‘fuck me harder’ as ‘please puncture my kidney.’ Then they have the nerve to wonder why I won’t let them anywhere near my ass. I might be a little crazy, but I’m not fucking stupid. Also, some men wouldn’t know what to do with a clit if it sat on their face.
Then there are the ones who take you by surprise. The ones who don’t claim to be something or someone they’re not because they don’t need to. The ones who you just know are going to make you cum until you beg for mercy. They’re the ones who at the risk of sounding cliché, will rock your world.
So, if you ever hear someone say “anyone can fuck” or “sex is like riding a bike,” run fast and run far because chances are that you’re in for an experience that will have you counting the seconds as they slowly tick past. Be willing to experiment and get to know your own body before you go pawing at someone elses. And remember, practice, practice, practice. After all, you wouldn’t run a marathon without knowledge and training first would you?
Didn’t think so.
It’s a long learning road for all of us. It’s been nice to watch you truly find yourself, my dear.
Thanks love. MWAH!
[...] Jan 2012 – Dubbed High Priestess of Sexual Blunders by Nikki for my rookie mistakes in [...]