When I sat down to write this post I had so much that I wanted to say. I originally wrote frank details about my intimate background and how they played a part in where I am today, sexually speaking. It took a lot out of me emotionally and after all of the effort, I read it and realized my point wasn’t conveyed at all. I hated it, and if it had been written on paper I would have ripped it into tiny bits over an open flame. I did it all wrong and I knew I needed to start from scratch, so here goes.
*Ahem*
What the fuck is wrong with these so called Dom’s and wanna-be’s who see no problem in saying “You know I’m going to collar you…don’t you?” in our second conversation and then turn around and demand that I have my nipples pierced because it’s a huge turn on for them. If it turns you on that much, get your own God damned nipples pierced because that shit ain’t happening. I like my breasts too much to go fucking up my nipples because it gets your rocks off. And if you think I’m getting a tattoo that says “submissive” on the inside of my thigh, you’ve lost your motherfucking mind. Or another one of my personal favorites: “I’m a Dom, you’re a sub. Let’s have lunch.” Really? Let me know how that one works out for you.
I’m almost 42 years old and I’ve only recently discovered that I’m sexually submissive with a proclivity for pain. It has always been there, I just didn’t know what it was. The realization didn’t come lightly either. It took months of me spewing my guts on the table to Heather and her M for me to get a firm grasp on who I was. So when some fuckhead eDom comes along trying to claim ownership by jizzing all over my TL, I really want to stab them in the chest with the heel of my stiletto to see just how red their blood actually is under fluorescent lighting.
And another thing, don’t think that Heather is going to influence me in any way for you. It won’t happen, and when you tell her you can train me, she’ll laugh hysterically and wish you luck in a most sarcastic way. I’m sexually submissive. I am not slave material, nor do I have any desire to be. I’m not your kitten and I’m not your pet. Don’t come to me with that needy Daddy Dom emotional bullshit either. I’m not wired for that kind of patience and will likely tell you to go fuck yourself.
I have belly-ached over and over to a Dom who I consider a friend. He’s old school, and not a prehistoric caveman looking to collect subs like Saber-Toothed Tiger claws to be worn around his neck as trophies the way some of these young up and comer’s seem to do. I’ve sought his sound advice many times, and he’s listened to my rants. Some are rational, others not so much. But he gives me his honest, sometimes harsh opinion. I respect him for it. He was one of the first to read between the lines of my elusive tweets. He told me that my profile and my TL were very misleading and that he had ripped my cover off, but would never reveal my secret. He agreed with Heather’s theory that some Doms, real and wanna-be’s, possibly see me as a challenge because of my in-your-face attitude and sharp tongue. He added that it was months before he discussed collaring with his sub and he doesn’t like the term “slave.” He says that we act of our own free will and that submission is a gift, not a right.
The main problem that I have with the way I’m pounced on like a condemned man’s last meal and reprimanded when I don’t address a random Dom as “Sir” is that I’m a woman with a brain and feelings. I’m not just tits and ass waiting to be tagged like a prized buck on the opening day of deer season. Don’t demand my submission. You won’t get it just because you want it. Submission is something that requires a great deal of trust and respect. These are crucial pieces of a well-oiled machine that have to be earned to make the D/s relationship a success. They’re not automatic. And don’t make the mistake of thinking I’m one of those little play subs who think submission is all about ass-fucking either. BDSM is not something you play at and the fact that some of these disrespectful ego-manics don’t even know what a safeword is a major red flag. That’s how people get hurt.
eDom’s, control freaks, and wanna-be’s may sound like walking talking BDSM Thesauruses with years of experience behind them, but if you pay close attention, their actions, their greediness, and their words will give them away every fucking time. It’s impossible to dominate a person without first taking the time to get to know their wants, their needs, and their limits. An environment of trust is absolutely necessary for the power exchange to flow. Without that trust, it just doesn’t work.
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[...] February 2012 – I expressed my exceedingly low level of bullshit tolerance in an open letter of sorts to any Dom, eDom, or wanna-be who mistakenly assumed that just because I was submissive, I [...]
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