When Heather suggested we write about anal sex this week, I was all over it. Literally and figuratively. Seriously, who doesn’t love some buttsex? Okay, okay, I know not everyone finds it pleasurable, but to me it’s the most intimate way I can give myself to my partner. It’s a fan-fucking-tastic feeling when he lays his hands on top of mine, lacing his fingers through my own, and claims me as he whispers “mine” into my ear.
*swoon*
I’ve always enjoyed anal sex. When I got married, however, that desire was put in a box with everything else that my close-minded ex husband didn’t consider “normal” sexual practices. Now that I’m divorced my life is different. I have an amazing partner, and with him I have taken my appreciation of anal sex to new heights. He thinks I “ooze sex,” and loves everything about my body, but he especially loves my ass. Holy Jesus does that man love my ass. He loves it with his fingers, his tongue, and of course, his cock.
For me, it takes a tremendous amount of trust and strength to submit to anal play. My partner recognizes that anal sex releases the submissive in me, making the desire to please him overwhelming at times. My head spins, my heart races, and I can’t focus on anything but him. He holds me close afterwards, kissing me, touching me, giving me the care I need to come down safely from the high of the all-consuming moment we’ve shared. He tells me what a good girl I am, because he knows it soothes me, and he thanks me for giving myself to him.
Anal sex isn’t only about being on my knees with my face shoved into a pillow and my ass in the air. It’s more personal than that. It’s any position that allows the intimacy of his skin touching mine, my hands in his hair, or our eyes locked on each other’s. It’s knowing and feeling that he appreciates and respects what I give him.
I admit that wearing a strap-on makes me feel powerful, and watching the reflection in the mirror of me taking his body with beads of sweat running down mine is wonderfully hot. It’s an intimate moment between the two of us and every bit of my focus is on his needs, his pleasure. I don’t try to mimic the acrobatic positions I’ve seen on PornHub. That’s not the reality of anal sex. Reality is laying him on his back with a pillow under his ass, and wrapping his legs around me as I penetrate him. It’s his eyes glazing over in pure ecstasy as he pleasures himself. It’s watching him explode like the grand finale at the end of a spectacular fireworks display. Reality is the satisfaction of giving him what he wants.
The first time I fucked my partner with a strap-on, I was a little anxious. It was a first for both of us and I didn’t want to go too fast or hurt him in anyway. I let him guide me, telling me what to do, and the sounds of his pleasure as I penetrated him washed away any doubt I might have had. He doesn’t require the aftercare that I need, but powerful orgasms are always followed by quiet moments of holding and touching. It’s a closeness that is unparalleled.
Butt plugs are something I wasn’t crazy about at first. I’d been instructed by a Dom to wear one and because of that, I thought it brought my submissiveness outside of the bedroom. I had a big problem with that. But, I realized that’s not what it did at all and I’ve grown to love them.
There was a time when I wore a butt plug because it helped me to refocus my scattered emotions when my marriage was crumbling around me. It gave me a sense of control. A little odd maybe, but true. Then I wore it mainly when I masturbated because the orgasms were incredible. Now I wear my favorite stainless steel plug with the sparkly jeweled base because my partner finds it unbelievably sexy. I wear it when he instructs me to do so. I wear it to please him. I also like to use one on him. And I like to remind him that his ass is mine.
At this point in my life, incorporating anal play into a sexual relationship is something I don’t take lightly. I need to feel a cerebral connection, I need to feel trust, and I need to feel safe. Without that combination, it just won’t happen. I’m not a twenty-something anymore trying to make sense of my wants and needs, I understand them now and I’ve accepted them. I’m finally confident about who and what I am, and I’m proud of it.
A beautifully crafted piece. You touched on so many aspects (forgive that word) of this intimate act. Leigh & I share your views about how special this act is. Maybe someday I’ll find out what its like to receive…
Thank you Scot. As always, your opinion means so much. I really wanted readers to understand the beauty of anal sex and that it can be so much more than what we see on porn sites. That’s not the reality of it and there’s nothing remotely intimate about it.
[...] Heather crowned me Queen of Anal in May, which was a title I took very seriously, because I loved buttsex. Really loved it. And my boyfriend loved it just as much. We were an anal loving couple. And a [...]
[...] if he couldn’t retrieve it? Would I have to go to the emergency room? Would I lose my title as Queen of Anal? Would I flag metal detectors for the rest of my life? They were all valid questions. Except the [...]
[...] Anal play is an important element of the sexual connection Mr. K and I share. It has been from our first night together. And as our relationship and roles have evolved, the purpose of our anal play has grown deeper. We give ourselves freely, allowing the incredible sensations, both physical and mental, to take control of our bodies. The high is more addictive than any drug. So anytime a person, kinky or otherwise, passes judgment on me because of their own hang-ups, I’ll defend myself. And when they push me into a corner trying to shove their definition of anal play down my throat or when they attempt to devalue what I feel is the most powerful expression of intimacy, back up because I’m coming out swinging. [...]