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August, 2012

  1. Photos of My Bum

    August 29, 2012 by Heather Cole

    It was during a visit with my mother that Master Cecil, the Dom who topped me in my first rope scene, challenged me with “pics or it didn’t happen!” The bruises from our scene were just beginning to turn a beautiful shade of bluish-purple, and my ass and thighs looked like a twisted version of connect-the-dots. Being the good girl that I am, not to mention a proud masochist, I waited until my mama took a trip to the farm stand then I locked myself in her bedroom to take some photos with my phone. I felt giddy and scandalous to be in mama’s bedroom. Twelve blurry photos later (I fell over several times in various contortions) I posted three of the best results. Naturally I was tweeting the entire process in its hilarity, because who else am I going to share my ridiculousness with but a thousand of my dear internet friends.

    The following morning as I peeled peaches with mama for peach cobbler, she asked, “why on earth would you take photos of your bum?” For several moments all I could do was stare at her, dumbfounded. Turns out that mama had been stalking my Twitter timeline after I had gone to bed. I carefully sliced through a peach and tried to formulate a coherent response through my brain paralysis. I replied that Master Cecil wanted to see his handiwork. While that was true, the unspoken part was that I enjoyed showing off the results. After years of disliking my body, I’m finally finding it beautiful.

    A year and a half ago, I refused to have my picture taken. I was ashamed of my weight and felt completely undesirable. When my ex-Dom asked for a picture of me, an innocuous headshot, I had a panic attack. My self-esteem had been slowly pulverized through the course of my marriage to the point where I thought any sane man would take one look at me and keep walking. I felt lumpy, bumpy and forgettable. I sent the photo and held my breath. When he told me that I was gorgeous and sexy and demanded more pics, I thought that maybe I was being too harsh. Maybe.

    Early on in my marriage when my ex-husband expressed that he found me unattractive, I lost forty pounds and was surviving on cucumbers and yogurt. I was miserable, and he didn’t suddenly find me desirable because there was less of me. Fitting into that size 8 didn’t miraculously improve my life or solve my problems. I now wish that I had been kinder to myself instead of obsessing about a flatter stomach. I needed to address the issues at the “unattractive” core of the conflict between us, and my ex needed to be married to someone else.

    The truth of the matter is that I’m still working at shedding the last of my baby weight. I have stretch marks on my lower abdomen and cellulite on the back of my thighs. My breasts aren’t perky either, and sometimes I still cringe at a photo that catches me in an unflattering angle. However, when I finally accepted that I was kinky, I also began accepting my body. Having lovers tell me they desired me helped a lot, but even more importantly, becoming whole in my sexuality cemented the fractured relationship I had with my body. I know who I am, and I accept who I am. That confidence is more attractive than thousands of dollars of plastic surgery. And I won every ounce of it through emotional work and life experience. Therapy helped too.

    When I look at my body I still see the flaws, but I also see the beauty of its strength. I fell in love the curve of my waist where it dips down to my hips, and my full ass is perfect for spanking and caning and all sorts of things. My pale skin shows every mark, and my height gives a Dom a lot of canvas to work with. I tweeted once, “I bake. I sew. I’ll fuck your brains out.” Yes, my body enables me to do it all very well. And so much more.


  2. Learning the Ropes

    August 23, 2012 by Heather Cole

    Sunday morning found me clutching my soulmateclone in the Orlando airport, repeating over and over again that I didn’t want to leave her. Our visit cemented what I had known all along–we were two parts of a whole and the idea of separating again broke my heart. Two men watched us with interest as we smooshed our boobs together one last time (That was all me. Nikki’s boobs are amazing.) and declared our undying love for each other. Then I dutifully stepped into line with the sea of tanned families embarking on their trips home.

    I had barely two hours sleep and my borrowed tank top was hiding red rope marks across my chest. My neck and cheek were decorated with bite marks, and I wore bruises on my ass and thighs. My nipples were sore from the friction of the jute traveling over my areolas, and if I moved a certain way, my skin still smelled of the Dom who had topped me hours earlier. I maneuvered through security in a golden haze of contentment, and not even the obnoxious woman with four overstuffed carry-on bags could penetrate my goodwill.

    My faith in Doms had been restored.

    Please don’t misunderstand. I know that there are thousands of good Dominants out in the world, and I know a handful of them personally. My faith was shaken regarding the right Dom for ME. I was haunted by the final conversation with my ex-Dom. He predicted that I would never find another Master with our kind of chemistry, and I believed him. My logical mind knew this couldn’t be true, yet the submissive in me, the slave that wished to be owned and possessed was afraid. Of course it won’t ever be exactly the same. Each Dominant and submissive possesses their own styles and personalities, but since my split from my ex-Dom, part of me despaired that I would ever find that spark again.

    Although I was in the land of commercial princesses, there was no Prince Flogger, riding out of the swamp on his partially trained alligator to whisk me off to his dungeon where I’ll live happily ever after, chained to his bedpost. I was OK with that, because I had my soulmateclone and a never-ending supply of vodka tonics. No, what happened, my darling vagina readers, was that I had an amazing scene. A-fucking-mazing! Let me tell you why…

    Nikki and I had been planning to visit The Woodshed, a BDSM club in Orlando, ever since we began our blog. It was going to be one of the highlights, we hoped, of our first weekend together as naked, power-ballad-loving bffs. I packed my black corset, black ruffled panties and platform heels and crossed my fingers that we would make the dress code. And we would have–if Nikki and I hadn’t put the damn things on upside down. During the ride to The Woodshed we’re both thinking, why is this corset digging into my thighs? Because that’s the sweetheart neckline, you dipshits!

    God bless kind, kinky strangers. As we stood in the crowded lobby of The Woodshed, filling out paperwork, two women approached us and asked in hushed voices if we were aware that our corsets were upside down. Nikki and I could only look at each other and laugh. We laughed until we cried while they hustled us into a dressing room to correct our fashion emergency. In the four hours we spent at The Woodshed, I learned more about corsets than I did from the website where I purchased the damn thing.

    The club was busy that night, because there were several birthdays being celebrated. There was cake EVERYWHERE and that reassured me. Because people who love cake can’t be awful people. It’s a proven scientific fact. The kindness didn’t end with our corsets. The first Dungeon Monitor (DM) we met gave us a tour and answered a ton of questions. So did the second one. They weren’t kitted out in Kill Bill leather outfits and thigh-high boots, looking like Barbie and Ken doing the Magic Kingdom the dirty way. They were real people who were generous with their time, indulgent of newcomers and educated about the lifestyle. As much as Nikki and I felt like clueless newbies, they welcomed us and offered to help in any way they could. Trust me, I had some ideas about that.

    So there we were, standing in an ocean of BDSM and trying not to ogle the various scenes going on around us. There was a Domme whipping her boy tied to a whipping post. One lucky birthday girl was tied to a shibari wheel dangling from the ceiling as five sadists circled her and struck her with various ouchy things. There was a shibari frame with women tied to it for spankings and padded tables for needle and wax play. Off in a quiet corner was a circle of couches where Doms and subs cuddled in blankets for aftercare. It was amazing and a bit overwhelming.

    Then we met Master Cecil.

    We had spoken briefly in passing when Nikki and I were in the lobby, but I didn’t know who he was. I remember looking at him and trying to figure out what had caught my attention. I don’t talk about energy between people for fear of sounding like a hippie freak, but something about Master Cecil made me sit up and pay attention. It wasn’t until an hour later that we were all introduced (I believe I yelled, “we’re Vagina Antics!” at the top of my lungs or something), and then the three of us ended up in the parking lot having a chat.

    I have to give the man a lot of credit, because I grilled him. The only thing missing was the interrogation room and the bright light in his face. He answered everything with humor and candor, and after asking “what kind of scene would you recommend for a newbie?” I found myself agreeing to do a rope scene with him. It wasn’t until my naked body was being shoved against the St. Andrew’s Cross that I remembered that I had a safeword. Oops…

    Master Cecil explained to me that a rope scene would consist of him figuring out what the rope wanted to do based on the energy between us. He also warned me that if it went well, I would never look at rope the same way again. I had plenty of opportunity to negotiate and state my preferences, but I didn’t. His honesty and emotional integrity during our impromptu Q&A session convinced me that I was speaking with an honorable man and an experienced Dom. The slave part of me was jumping up and down and clapping her hands with glee. My verbal reaction was, HOLY FUCK YES!

    It was arranged so that Nikki would be seated four feet away on a couch, and she was in charge of any aftercare I needed. I was naked because I’ll get naked at the drop of a hat, but also because I didn’t want there to be any impediment to the rope. I felt safe and respected by Master Cecil. I trusted that whatever he dished out, it was going to be good for both of us.

    Inside the dungeon, Master Cecil was barefoot and had removed his shirt. He opened his arms and beckoned me forward. I was a little nervous, but the skin on skin contact erased it. I melted into him, and the way we came together, I was able to bury my nose in the crook of his neck. He took a deep breath that I matched, and his voice rumbled deep in his chest.

    “Good girl,” he said.

    I’m not certain that I have the words to adequately describe what I felt. There was an echo of my old Master-slave dynamic in that touch, that moment of openness. That unspoken communication that I would offer him everything, he only had to take it. I told Nikki later that Master Cecil could have done practically anything to me in that scene, and I would have met him willingly and given every ounce of myself. It was as if his touch had opened a door inside me, one that had been padlocked shut and ignored.

    The instructions he gave me were simple. I was to keep my eyes shut, listen to his voice and feel the rope. The jute rope was scratchy and rough. He wrapped it around my torso three times with my breasts sandwiched between the loops. It felt pleasant, the rope humming against my skin as he worked. I was safe within those bonds. Then he grabbed me by the hair and swung me around, shoving my chest against the cross. The rope tightened and the pain began in earnest. There was his deep voice, his broad hand striking my ass, gripping my thighs, and the rope. Always the rope singing its own tale.

    There was no sexual component to the scene (both the club and Master Cecil have strict rules about that), but his spanking made me orgasm. I was up on my tiptoes, my skin rubbing against the wood of the cross as his hand made contact with my ass. The pain blossomed, and my clit responded. The throbbing between my legs joined the impact of his spanking, and I was lost. Don’t worry, I always ask for permission to orgasm first.

    When we were saying our goodbyes, Master Cecil told me that I was what he had suspected. When I asked what that was, he replied, “you’re a very good girl.” I couldn’t help but feel pleased. I had an amazing scene, because for the first time since being un-collared, I felt that spark to open myself up again. I am deeply grateful to Master Cecil for working with me. Maybe it was personal chemistry, his experience, confidence or skill…maybe it’s a combination of all those things… What matters is that I felt the spark, and I now know without a shadow of a doubt, that I will someday find another Dom that shares that amazing chemistry with me. Yeah, I’m still grinning like the Cheshire Cat.


  3. Soulmateclones Unite!

    August 15, 2012 by Heather Cole

    Today I’m going to meet my best friend for the very first time. I’m in the airport waiting to board a plane that will whisk me off to the land of sunshine, humidity that will make my hair misbehave like a Motley Crue groupie, alligators and my soulmateclone. (I would also like to note that I’m having a very Sex in the City moment tapping away at my laptop in public. Yes, I’m a writer IN PUBLIC!)

    Nikki and I “met” on Twitter over a year and a half ago. I followed her because she was a writer, and because her bio said something about power ballads (let the 80’s flashbacks begin). Her dry humor told me that she wouldn’t be boring, and I soon saw that she interacted with interesting people. We tweeted back and forth a couple times, and then everything changed. I jumped into a conversation with her and a man I didn’t know. We were joking about our kids on the playground, and then next thing I knew, the conversation had veered from children to sex and I was neck-deep in sexual innuendo . After that day, the three of us became inseparable on Twitter. That silly tweet started the ball rolling for our virtual threesome.

    That mysterious man eventually became my Dom and Master, I referred to him as M here, but before that he played with both Nikki and me. There’s a lot to be said about that time in our relationships. So much that Nikki and I are writing a memoir, but that’s a story for another day. What occurs to me this morning is how well we circumnavigated the Jerry Springer set-up to become bff. When M told Nikki they could only be friends, I was prepared for drama. Not that I watch the Springer Show, *cough* a friend does, but I was ready for the proverbial chair to be hurled at me across the stage. Thank the reality tv gods that didn’t happen. Nikki and I talked about the shift in her relationship with M, and despite the changes, no one wanted to lose the friendships we had forged.

    Nikki’s friendship has sustained me through some of the darkest times in my life. We literally coached each other through our divorces, held each other’s hands when we were afraid and couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, and we shared all our million thoughts and feelings about sex without judgment. Nikki was the first woman I could tell all my sexual thoughts to. She’s the person that gets my “I miss cock!” texts. She was also the first woman to see a picture of me naked, and to this day, I still send her pics of my bruised body after a scene. We talk, on average, three times a day, and I wouldn’t want to build Vagina Antics with anyone but her. And today I’m going to meet her in the flesh.

    This is the part of my post where I’d summarize (in a humorous way, hopefully) my wishes for this trip and our first meeting. However, the most appropriate thing I could write is:

    To be continued…


  4. How Does Your Garden Grow?

    August 7, 2012 by Heather Cole

    My poor mama has been through a lot with me these past couple years. I moved further away from her loving arms, my marriage went south into hell followed by a nightmarish custody battle. Then I came out about being kinky and having not only a Master at that time but a second boyfriend. Phew! So the fact that my ladygarden is bare…well, she shouldn’t bat an eyelash. Right?

    During a recent visit, she was in the master bathroom helping my daughter brush her teeth. We were all getting ready for bed, and I wanted a quick shower. I walked from my bedroom past her at the sink and then into the shower. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her do a double-take at my ponynose, but she would have preferred to kick Jesus in the shins than question my shaving practices. The more I thought about it, the more I understood why it was such a shock to her. She was a young woman during the sixties, those glorious days of free love and copious body hair. My dear mama believes in bush.

    Scrolling through my tumblr, almost all the women are shaved or waxed. It’s the popular trend these days, and I must confess, I’m hooked on that smooth, soft-as-a-pony-nose feeling. Apparently this doesn’t apply to red-haired women, because they’re supposed to retain some pubic hair as evidence that they’re natural gingers. You’d think it was like finding a unicorn or something. Look! It’s a natural ginger! Grab her quick so we can make wishes!

    It’s almost time for me to happily submit to my aesthetician for my monthly brazilian. I became a disciple of the wax after discovering that I had hair growing in my ass crack. I mean, how cruel is it that we grow hair there where we can’t see it unless we randomly squat over a mirror? I uncovered this devastating truth a month before I moved out of our married home, and I was in the shower masturbating. My ex-husband didn’t approve of masturbation or any activity within the vicinity of the ass. (I think he secretly thought there was a sphincter monster or something.) The shower was my one escape where I could explore and enjoy my body, but when my hands wandered from my vagina to my ass…HOLD THE PHONE, PEOPLE. It was like discovering the Black Forest was actually growing in my ass crack.

    What did I do? I marched my hairy monster ass into the grocery store and bought hair remover. The extra sensitive kind that promised to give me the hairless, toned ass of a model. According to the commercials, all I had to do was smooth it on my skin and the hair would just wash away. I locked myself in the bathroom and called Nikki for a pep talk. Then I applied the thick, foul-smelling stuff around my ladygarden. I called Nikki minutes later and the conversation went something like this:

    Me: “I need bandaids for my vagina!”
    Nikki: “What?!”
    Me: “I’m bleeding! I need a vagina first aid kit!”
    Nikki: “What happened?”
    Me: “I spread it on and left it there like the directions said. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD IT’S LIKE A BRUSHFIRE DOWN BELOW!”
    Nikki: “Did you wash it off?”
    Me: “Yes, but it won’t stop burning! My hooha looks like a lobster bake gone horribly wrong!”

    I don’t remember the rest of our phone call because Nikki was laughing too hard to be coherent. (She just emailed me that she’s still laughing.)

    Thankfully there are coping mechanisms for people like me. A recommendation from Liri sent me to a six foot, tattooed woman at a spa. Ms. AJ is wonderful, and I have no problems with modesty as I contort my body so that she can rip all the hair out of my crevasses. I make sure not to go the week before my period, because of the heightened tenderness in that area. Also, caffeine beforehand is a no no. I swallow a couple ibuprofen and go for the gusto. I have some swelling and redness for 24-hours afterwards, but the results are worth it.

    I’m not alone in my love of the brazilian. Dudes are doing it now too. It’s called a manzilian, to be exact. Yes, men can go have hot wax placed on their tenderest of bits and have their pubes pulled for that professional stripper feeling.

    Having said all that, I have nothing against people like my mama who prefer an au natural landscaping scheme in their gardens. When I polled my male friends as to their preferences, every single one replied that when they desired a partner, they could care less about the texture down there. It’s all part of the glorious scenery. It came as no surprise that not one person said that they wanted to see chemical burns. Still, I really think vagina bandaids need to be a thing.

    Really.


  5. The Best List EVER!

    August 6, 2012 by Heather Cole

    WE’VE BEEN NOMINATED!!!

    Yes, that deserves all caps and a million exclamations marks accompanied by Nikki and I jumping up and down like teenage girls at a One Direction concert. Anna at the Ladygarden Project nominated us for:

    2012 TOP SEX BLOGGERS LIST

    What is it?

    The prolific and talented Rori at Between My Sheets accepts nominations for the best sex blogs of the year. She opens the list for nominations for a month and typically receives at least 300 blog nominations. Then she sifts through them all and chooses her 100 favorites. It’s like making the Who’s Who of sex blogs.

    Tell her you love us!

    If you read Vagina Antics (you’re here, aren’t you?) please tell Rori to consider us for her list. Imagine the Google possibilities and the amazing bloggers we’ll rub virtual elbows with. Last year’s list makers included: Guy New York and the Dirty Gentleman, The Life and Charlotte Times, and The Beautiful Kind.

    Just leave our blog name and address in the comment box and click! Click again! DO IT! (Ok, there’s no double click. Just one. I’m enthusiastic. Sue me.)

    Click here to leave your two cents about Vagina Antics. And THANK YOU!

    Kisses!

    Nikki and Heather

     


  6. Our Vaginas Are Inspiring!

    August 6, 2012 by Heather Cole

    Our cup runneth over…

    Vagina Antics was nominated for a Very Inspiring Blogger award by the wonderfully written SEXTAILS.

    “my favourite girls in erotica. Heather and Nikki write with humour, honesty and alot of heat. These girls know how to write and how to entertain in every sense of the world. Cannot recommend them highly enough.”

    SEXTAILS is full of erotic stories and anecdotes, poems and a beautiful photograph or two for good measure. She sometimes writes in blatant disregard of grammar or punctuation which lends itself to the powerful emotion she conveys rather than detracting from it. Her passion is palpable, and I don’t give a fig about the lowercase “i” because her stories make my panties soaking wet. Is this a good barometer of an erotic tale? You bet your sweet ass, it is. By the way, Sextails’ story about Mr. Polo on a plane is the first time I ever wanted to spend more than two seconds in an airplane bathroom. Damn! (And if you pronounce that properly like the southern girls we are, it has two syllables and double the admiration.) Thank you, Sextails, for making our sexual fantasies that much hotter!

    Five Facts About Heather:

    1. My secret fear is that I’m too complicated to be loved.
    2. I adore being tied up with thick pink rope.
    3. I can talk to my soulmateclone, Nikki, seven times a day and still have things to say.
    4. In the nine years I was married, I never masturbated. Not once.
    5. One of the first lessons of my slave training was to orgasm on command. (I see this as poetic justice of the universe.)

    Five Facts About Nikki:

    1. I once worked in a strip club.
    2. My vagina doesn’t like latex.
    3. I suck at math.
    4. I’ve had breast implants since I was 19.
    5. I can recite every piece of dialogue and sing every song in Grease. All of it. It’s a gift.

     

    The blogs we award with the Very Inspiring Blog award:

     

    Dom Next Door – Scot is a prolific writer, and his adventures into bdsm with his wife, Leigh, are inspiring on many levels. His honesty, emotional intelligence and skill with the written word never fail to impress me. His sense of humor and wit keep me in stitches while his erotic descriptions leave me squirming in all the good ways. Most importantly he writes with heart, and I eagerly look forward to reading every post. Keep up the great work, Scot. Your blog inspires me to better my craft and our blog.

    The Ladygarden Project – When Vagina Antics was newly born, I spent a lot of time trawling the web and reading, reading, reading. The Ladygarden Project was the first blog that made me drop everything to read more. Anna celebrates women as sexual beings no matter our size or orientation. She inspired me to envision a path for this blog that talked frankly about sex but that empowered our readers. Anna taught me that it’s possible to inject warmth and kindness and support when writing about sex. Some day when I travel to the UK, I’m going to take Anna to tea and hug her over and over. (Who are we kidding? I’m totally going to cop a feel.) Thank you, Anna, for inspiring Nikki and me to celebrate healthy, sexy women everywhere.

    Kneeling in Kansas – I noticed Noelle on her knees in my ‘Who to Follow’ list on Twitter one day. I followed the link to her blog where she writes bdsm erotica, and I couldn’t stop reading. Her original stories are beautifully written and have soaked my panties on more than one occasion. She’s a self-labeled submissive literary slut with an affinity for erotic photography. Plus, she has fantastic taste in shoes.  –Nikki

    A Dissolute Life –  I admit it. I don’t read other blogs as much as I’d like to. But when Hyacinth’s latest posts are delivered to me via email, I stop what I’m doing. She’s brutally honest about her escapades and makes no apologies. She puts it all out there and inspires me to keep doing the same.  –Nikki


  7. A Very Good Place to Start (cue Julie Andrews)

    August 3, 2012 by Heather Cole

    I find myself saying “I’m not looking for a Dom” a lot these days. I tell my significant people, my mama, Nikki and the men who message me on Fetlife. I say it to myself the most, usually when I’m crying because I miss my ex-Master so much. It’s too soon to begin looking. I’m still in the deep sadness that comes from losing someone I loved and served. However, the day will come when I’ll want to find a new Dom. I had the amusing thought that this places me in the same boat as all the other submissives on the same mission. With the current popularity of bdsm in pop culture, me and hundreds of other people will be looking for their perfect Dominant or submissive or switch. This thought was quickly followed by, “how the fuck all am I going to do that?” Followed by, “I need a nap.” I’m not ready to shove my boat back into the vast ocean of kink yet, but let’s talk about the good places to start.

    What I don’t know is a lot – As a hardcore nerd, I place great faith in the written word. My journey into bdsm began with an online relationship and a stack of reading material. If you go to our Beginner’s Kink page, you’ll find the building blocks of my bdsm library. Over a year ago I was anxious to learn the fundamental definitions and equipment of my new way of life. This time around I have different questions. What’s proper play party etiquette? What’s the best way to negotiate a scene with a Dom I don’t know well? How does polyamory fit into my needs as a slave? And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. At this point, I have more questions than I have answers. Rather than going to my knees for the first Dominant who crooks a finger at me, I’m feeding my brain first and trusting that the rest will follow.

    Call on your community – When I came out of the closet about being kinky, one of the things I wanted to do was connect with my community. Finding fellow kinksters was good for support, friendship and education. At the time, however, my ex-husband was trying to destroy my life, and I couldn’t connect with anyone in the community because it would have been used as ammunition against me. This time it’s different. I’ve found classes for newbies and workshops on all sorts of fetishes. I’m on Fetlife and making kinky friends both virtually and locally. Some days I log into my account on Fet and just stare at the thousands of different ways that people celebrate their kink and feel very much like the Country Mouse visiting its cosmopolitan cousin, the City Mouse. I’m still new in a lot of ways.

    The virtues of virtual exploration – As I said before, my bdsm journey started in the virtual world. In fact, virtual bdsm is a fetish in its own right. I know several skilled Dominants that only have virtual submissives. The beauty of virtual Dominance/submission is that it happens in the safety and privacy of your own home. My slave training began in my kitchen with a set of thick wooden spoons from WilliamSonoma. With His first command to hit my ass with a spoon, I began exploring my masochism and submission. I learned to orgasm on command and protocols were established that we maintained for the life of our M/s dynamic. I don’t know that I could go back to a virtual relationship after feeling a Master’s hands around my neck, but it was the perfect place for me to start.

    I suppose when it boils down to it, I’ll follow a similar path that I did before. I’ll read as much as I can, ask lots of questions and look for that Dominant spark. I also have significant others to help me through the process, and I trust them implicitly. Even with all these resources, it’s still difficult for me to imagine embarking on that voyage. For the moment, I’m content to just dip my toes in and stare at the horizon over the sea of my ambivalence.