RSS Feed

Don’t Try This at Home, Kids: A Word of Kinky Caution

September 25, 2013 by Nikki Blue

If you’re not familiar with it, FetLife is a social networking site geared toward people who are interested in BDSM, Fetishism, and Kink. It’s kind of like Facebook for kinksters, except that it’s a private, membership based community. Aside from being the place where Mr. K and I connected, it’s a place where I feel safe enough to post nekkid selfies and photographs of him wearing my Victoria’s Secret undies to a dinner meeting. And then of course, there was my pee video. My point is, it’s a fantastic resource for all sorts of kinky stuff.

Kinky & Popular is one of my favorite things about Fetlife. K&P consists of random photographs, videos, and journal entries posted by kick-ass kinksters streamlined by popularity into one page. A person could easily lose HOURS of their day to all the kinky hotness. Not that I have. I’m just saying it would be easy to. *ahem* There is, however, a particular journal entry I’ve watched climb the ranks on K&P more than once, and I’m finding its subject very difficult to swallow.

The Chain Trick, which I chose not repost even though permission was granted, tells kinksters how to stuff a metal chain into a woman’s vagina and…

“PULL THE CHAIN OUT. Do it in one continuous and rapid motion.”

This action supposedly results in a massive squirting orgasm. Sounds fun, right? Fuck yes it does. Who doesn’t want a massive squirting orgasm? The post goes on to caution players in regards to the type of chain and how to prepare it for use. While the chain is understandably important, what about the vagina the chain will be stuffed into? Where is the disclaimer warning against possible pinching or even tearing of the delicate lady bits as the chain is yanked from the vagina? Do we not get a disclaimer because we’re kinky?

To be honest, it’s not the journal entry itself that gives me pause. Okay, fine. The mere thought of it sends my vag into shrieking hysterics, but what I’m really struggling with are the 1,690–wait–1,695 comments the post has garnered. The majority of comments–and I read most of them–were “I can’t wait to try!,” “Heading to Dom Depot!,” and the like. Very few questioned the safety of the aforementioned scenario. One Domme even mentioned the enjoyment of ripping chain from her male sub’s ass. I was all like “Nooooooooo! Nothing should EVER be ripped from an asshole. Never put anything hard inside the rectum. Never put anything sharp inside the rectum. And NEVER PUT ANYTHING INSIDE THE RECTUM THAT’S NOT RECOMMENDED FOR ANAL PLAY!”

Breathe, Nikki. Breathe.

Let’s look at it from another angle. Most of us are familiar with the anonymity the internet affords us. It allows some people to say things they normally wouldn’t, and it gives some the opportunity to be something or someone they’re not in real life. Do you see where I’m going with this? I thought you might.

“I’m not a Dom or a kinkster, but I play one on the internet because I can.”

Okay, so I may have tweaked it a little to fit the point I’m trying to make, but think about it. How do we know for sure the newest kinky craze, whatever it may be, wasn’t written by a fifteen year old boy masquerading as an experienced kinkster? We don’t. And that should be enough to raise your caution flag.

Listen, I’m a kinky motherfucker. And I totally empathize with the excitement of trying that next thing to get off. But–you knew there was a ‘but’ coming, right?–with kinky ventures comes great responsibility. Be smart about it. Don’t take someone else’s word that something is safe. Do your own research. Be prepared for what can go wrong. Because believe me, there is always a chance something can go wrong. Remember the case of the missing butt plug?

Exactly. I rest my case.


16 Comments »

  1. TONY WARDS says:

    You have an account with Fetlife? So do i – for research, of course…..

    Hope you share with me….

    XOXO

  2. Sheri Savill says:

    People are so very gullible and … unquestioning. It’s why con games work, why the check is in the mail, why the Sham-Wow is selling, why the ER is busy all night, and why I stay in my underground bunker and eat MREs and only leave when I have to fetch more water.

  3. says:

    There are some things on Fetlife that I like to read as fiction and for enjoyment. The Chain Trick is one of those things. Sounds awesome on the screen…sounds not so awesome in real life.

  4. Raven says:

    The thought that someone would try this, without hesitation, is quite … scary. You really shouldn’t believe everything you read, especially not on the web …

  5. Karen Blue says:

    Wow! *picks up jaw from floor*
    I now have really nasty pictures in my mind thanks to my twisted imagination. That doesn’t sound safe at all, and I doubt it would induce a gushing orgasm.

  6. Jill says:

    I love, love, love looking at pictures of the chain trick. The idea of it is incredibly hot and it’s a great fantasy. The reality is I’m NEVER going to think ripping a chain out of my favorite vagina is a good idea.

    I try not to let reality interfere with my fantasy life too much (“No, I can totally bend like that!”), but it’s an important consideration when it comes to the things I actually do.

  7. Sadey Quinn says:

    Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

    I put a disclaimer on some of my racier stories. Don’t try this at home, PLEASE, unless you absolutely know what you’re doing!!

    Those disclaimers aren’t on (and I don’t think they need to be on) the majority of the anecdotal BDSM stuff we get from the web and Fetlife. I think a fun website would be something like bdsmGoneWrong.com, a forum where people can share their stories and everyone can learn what not to do.

  8. Nikki Blue says:

    YES! Kind of like PeopleofWalmart.com, but less horrifying.

Leave a Reply to Nikki Blue Cancel reply