With my friends, I’m open about my love of anal play; all forms of it. And with Mr. K, I top, bottom, and relish in every delicious moment of both. I also enjoy dispelling the stigma attached to anal penetration, and engaging in lively discussions about the pleasures of it; the intimacy. I’m an open book and will speak candidly to anyone who asks, but when my teenage daughter broached the subject, I confess I was unprepared.
As we cleaned out the garage one afternoon, she said that she knew of girls at school who’d had anal sex. I was like wait, what? I mean, I’d heard tales and read articles about college age girls experimenting with anal sex under the misguided notion that it kept their virginity intact– and to prevent pregnancy –but fourteen and fifteen year olds?
Fuck me…
I took a deep breath. This was my daughter, after all. When most girls her age, I assume, wonder about handjobs or blowjobs, she wanted to talk about something that for all intents and purposes, should have been well beyond her radar. She wanted to talk about anal sex, which to me, is sex in its rawest, most vulnerable form. And I knew that whatever it was that I said to her would define her impressionable thoughts about it. It was a conversation I couldn’t fuck up.
How much was I going to tell her, though? Was I going to tell her how much I loved anal sex with Mr. K? Um, HELL no. Even I have limits to what I will say. They’re few, but I do have them. I did, however, tell her that even though she may think anal sex is dirty and kind of gross, one day, she may have a much different opinion.
Let me shed a little light about my daughter for a moment. She’s a cautious one– more so than I am, and she just recently had her first kiss. It was an act of affection she realized she wasn’t ready for. It made her uncomfortable, she told the boy he was moving too fast, and ditched him. There are days I wonder if she’s truly mine.
Anyway, I made sure she knew that there was nothing wrong with anal sex. It’s a sexual act that both men and women find great pleasure in, but it’s not to be taken lightly. I told her she was way too young to comprehend the amount of trust that is required for anal adventures. I went further, using the doorway she’d opened as a teaching moment. I emphasized the risks of STDs, STIs, and of course, the long term effects of anal sex done incorrectly.
“There’s a wrong way to do it?” she asked, her eyes super big.
“Oh yeah,” I said. “Anal penetration should never be rushed. And sometimes, regardless of how well you clean, things get dirty.”
“Ew, Mom. I really didn’t need to know that much.”
“Yeah, you did. You just don’t know it yet.”
I don’t know how many kids would feel comfortable enough to talk to their parents about anal sex, but I can’t imagine that those numbers are high. My kid was, though. She was afraid, not so long ago, to confess her first kiss, but after that, she trusted our relationship enough to come to me about a topic that even she recognized as a sensitive one. Will I ever tell her that I’m a super huge fan of anal sex? Probably not. But I will tell her that if she ever decides she’s curious about it, she should wait until she has a partner who she trusts implicitly. And that regardless of what misinformation the kids at school are spouting, opting for anal sex over vaginal does not classify you as a virgin. Nor should it be thought of as means of birth control.
Dumbass kids.
For anal advice, check out
Hi there, I just found your blog and I’m loving it!
This is an interesting subject. I have a teenage daughter not much younger than yours and its definitely a balancing act of knowing when they are ready for this type of info and just how much to share. I think you handled it beautifully. Way to go Mom!!
xo
Thank you for reading and commenting, Bonnie!
That road can be a super tricky one to navigate down. You don’t want to give them too much information, but at the same time, you want to tell them the truth. Parenting is hard!
Thank you again!
Hugs!
I thought I had commented on this to find out I hadn’t!
First, let me say how jealous I am of your relationship with your daughter. While I am close to my mom, and can talk with her about most things, sex in general is kind of a hard topic since we disagree on a multitude of aspects (that I know of, and we haven’t discussed much).
So while I know it’s tough to know what to say and how much to tell your daughter, it’s AWESOME that you’re there for her. From a daughter’s perspective, just knowing that your mom is willing to not only have a conversation about usually sensitive subjects, but will also listen to you…it’s a rare and great thing. You’re a kickass mom. <3
Britt, darling!
My mom never talked to me about anything. NADA. What I learned, I learned by doing and in the process, I made a fuckload of mistakes. Because of that, I swore I would be the parent who would talk about anything and everything. Also, I feel that owning my sexuality after divorce has helped in my parenting, if that makes any sense at all.
And you made me all teary-eyed with “You’re a kickass mom.” Stop that shit.
Many hugs!
Ok, my daughters are in their 30s and I just don’t see me having this conversation with them. But I commend you for your open honesty and talking to your daughter the way you did. Great Job Momma! Open and honest!
Thank you, Kathy!
I’ll admit that it definitely caught me off guard.
[…] they will be the ones that form their opinions. Like the time the teen brought up the topic of anal sex. I’m still learning how to answer their questions on a level they can understand and […]