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Posts Tagged ‘anal sex advice’

  1. Anal Sex Month

    August 21, 2015 by Nikki Blue

    I know that we are ass-deep in Anal August, but life, mostly business, has gotten in the way of writing about one of my favorite topics—butt love.

    Anyway, I thought it was time to give a new cover. I love this one hard because she has stretchmarks. Sadly, I had to cover them with the title, but you can still see them peeking through. You may have to squint one eye and close the other to see them, but they’re there.

    And because the book has a sexy new cover, AND to celebrate Anal Sex Month, I’ve given it an irresistible new price of 99 cents.

    For realsies, y’all.

    Oh, and to the dude who said the old cover reminded you of a grandma taking it up the ass, I’m watching you.

    , Smashwords, Barnes & Noble


  2. An Anal Heart-to-Heart

    May 17, 2014 by Nikki Blue

    Paper heart, anal sex advice

     

    With my friends, I’m open about my love of anal play, all forms of it. And with Mr. K, I top, bottom, and I relish in every delicious moment of both. I also enjoy dispelling the stigma attached to anal penetration, and engaging in lively discussions about the pleasures of it—the intimacy. I’m an open book about the joys of anal sex and will speak candidly to anyone who asks, but when my teenage daughter broached the subject, I confess I was a bit unprepared.

    As we cleaned out the garage one afternoon, out of the blue she said that she knew of girls at her high school who’d had anal sex. I was like wait, what? I mean, I’d heard tales and read articles about college age girls experimenting with anal sex under the misguided notion that it kept their virginity intact—and to prevent pregnancy—but fourteen and fifteen year old kids?

    Fuck me…

    I took a deep breath. This was my daughter, after all.

    When most girls her age, I assumed, wondered about handjobs or blowjobs, she wanted to talk about something that, for all intents and purposes, should have been well beyond her radar. She wanted to talk about anal sex, which to me, is sex in its rawest, most vulnerable form. And I knew that whatever it was that I said to her would define her impressionable thoughts about the act. It was a conversation I couldn’t fuck up.

    How much was I going to tell her, though? Was I going to tell her how much I loved anal sex with Mr. K? Um, HELL no. Even I have limits to what I will say. They’re few, but I do have them. I did, however, tell her that even though she may think anal sex is dirty and kind of gross, one day she may have a much different opinion.

    Let me shed a little light about my daughter for a moment. She’s a cautious one, more so than I am, and she just recently had her first kiss. It was an act of affection she realized she wasn’t ready for. It made her so uncomfortable that she told the boy he was moving too fast and ditched him. There are days I wonder if she’s truly mine.

    Anyway, I made sure that she knew that there was nothing wrong with anal sex, that it’s a sexual act that both men and women find great pleasure in, but it’s not to be taken lightly. I told her she was way too young to comprehend the amount of trust that is required for anal adventures. Then I went further, using the doorway she’d opened as a teaching moment, emphasizing the risks of STDs, STIs, and of course, the long term effects of anal sex done incorrectly.

    “There’s a wrong way to do it?” she asked, her eyes super-big.

    “Oh yeah,” I said. “Anal penetration should never be rushed. And sometimes, regardless of how well you clean, things can get dirty.”

    “Ew, Mom. I really didn’t need to know that much.”

    “Yeah, you did. You just don’t know it yet.”

    I don’t know how many kids would feel comfortable enough to talk to their parents about anal sex, but I can’t imagine that those numbers are high. My kid was, though. She was afraid, not so long ago, to confess her first kiss, but after that hurdle, she trusted our relationship enough to come to me about a topic that even she recognized as a sensitive one. Will I ever tell her that I’m a super-huge fan of anal sex? Probably not. But I will tell her that if she ever decides that she’s curious about it, she should wait until she has a partner whom she trusts implicitly, and that regardless of what misinformation the kids at school are spouting, opting for anal sex over vaginal penetration does not classify you as a virgin. Nor should it ever be thought of as means of birth control.

    Dumbass kids.

    For anal advice, check out


  3. Ask Heather: Where Are Anal-Loving Ladies?

    November 12, 2013 by Heather Cole

    Orange candy heart that reads ask me against white background.

    I have a question for you that I don’t quite know how to ask, so I will be as polite as I can.

    You are a rare treasure of a woman, and as a man that loves anal sex I have been hard pressed to find a woman that even remotely enjoys it. It’s usually seen as taboo, or nasty even though I know all of the ways to keep it sanitary. So here is my question. Are women who enjoy anal really so elusive, or am I not looking in the right places? I admit, even men’s gully holes are starting to look good to me at this point.

    ~Dark Passenger

     

    Dear Dark Passenger:

    Thank you very much for the politely worded question and the compliment. I appreciate both. Now let’s talk anal sex.

    Finding a person who shares your fantasies or kinks can feel like trying to find a needle in a haystack sometimes. And I’ve never understood why people place anal sex in the taboo category or see it as scandalous. In my eyes, anal sex is a part of regular, vanilla sex. CRAZY, I know. There are other women out there who feel the same <points at Nikki> and it will take patience to find them. But I know that they’re out there. I’m absolutely positively sure that they exist. Wearing a scarlet ‘AS’ on our shirts would be helpful, I know, but since many of us are undercover taking-it-in-the-ass lovers, patience is more practical. Keep the faith, Dark Passenger!

    Have you tried looking at a fetish site? Anal play is popular with many kinksters. In fact, there are anal groups that you can join to discuss your mutual adoration of ass play. But even more important than zeroing in on a certain website or concentrating all your focus on a woman who loves anal sex, I think it’s most important to find someone willing to explore it. Sometimes all it takes is someone willing to try something new or explore a concept again with a new partner. I’m speaking from first hand experience, because I didn’t always love anal.

    In college my first anal sex experience was super hot. It was like discovering a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow–unicorns and glitter abound! But many of the men I later dated didn’t even broach the subject of anal. Eventually I married, and I entered a nine-year anal sex dry spell. My ex-husband proclaimed that as far as he was concerned, I didn’t possess an asshole and he thought it was disgusting to even contemplate touching a sphincter during sex. So like I said, I went a looooooong time without anal sex. After my divorce, when I re-entered the dating world, anal sex became a hot topic again especially when I began dating kinky people. The challenge was that for a variety of reasons, anal sex had become painful for me.

    This is the part where I think finding a willing woman can be as great as finding one that is an anal whore (and I mean that as a huge compliment) right out of the box. When I started dating the man who is now my Dominant and master, I realized that if I wanted to please him in all the ways that I could, I would have to find a way to enjoy anal sex again. Sure, I could bite my tongue and take it up the ass like a good girl, but as much as sir enjoys anal sex, I knew I’d be having it a lot. Luckily for both of us, my soulmateclone Nikki Blue published a fantastic guide to anal sex and I started doing my homework.

    I learned a lot from Nikki’s guide, and sir and I have tried anal sex in different positions, with different lubes and under all sorts of conditions. Stairs are tricky. *cough* I’ve had some amazing anal sex again, but the biggest lesson I learned was that having a willing partner to explore new sexual territory is the most important component. Because as much as you think you know about a sexual topic, you could probably learn more. At least, that’s how it was in my case. All I needed was a little direction and a gentle push from sir. <snort> I’m totally restraining the cock jokes here. ANYWAY…

    It takes patience to find a willing partner, and then more patience as you explore anal sex together. Guides like Nikki’s are very helpful, and if you can show your partner that you’re willing to take it slow and that you’re focused on her enjoying the experience as much as you do, then I predict many pleasure filled times ahead of you. Don’t lose hope, Dark Passenger. We anal sex loving girls are out there. Keep in mind that sometimes we don’t realize how great it can be, but we’re willing to try if you are.

    Here’s a song to .

    Hugs,

    Heather

     


  4. Dear Ladies of Vagina Antics: what are your thoughts on ‘making love’?

    August 28, 2013 by Nikki Blue

    What’s your thought on the phrase ‘making love’? Do you ever ask someone to ‘make love to me’? & is it possible to “make love” anally? My girlfriend says no, as it’s a more submissive act, and raunchy. Great blog, thanks!
    craig

     

    Dear Craig:

    Neither Nikki nor myself knew that when we read your questions, you would be sparking a revelation. Although we’re soulmateclones and have talked about practically everything under the sun and have seen each other naked and, um… <cough> Anyway… Nikki didn’t know that I avoided using the term “making love.” BOOM! Revelation rendered. It was an unintentional attack of shock and awe. OK, so not much awe, but I know that Nikki gasped. Maybe once. But let me explain why I hate that phrase.

    I refuse to use the term “making love.” So much so that I’ve told the people I fuck that if they utter that phrase during our naked time I’m kicking them out of my bed. To me, the phrase “making love” conjures the poignant moment in the Romantic Comedy when the lights dim, the sweet music starts and couple shares a physical joining that somehow encompasses all their love and dreams and life’s purpose culminating in mutual orgasms timed precisely at the same time so that they think, breathe and feel a magical communion of body and soul. It’s a happily ever after moment that’s great for film and telling a story effectively. But it comes nowhere close to what I believe are realistic expectations in the bedroom.

    “Making love” seems to say that for sex to be emotionally significant, it must be tender and delivered in a gentle manner. I say bullshit. I also don’t want my partners to feel like every time we have sex it must be done in a romantic way in order to communicate that they have feelings for me. I don’t want Prince or Princess Charming in my bed. I want a real person and an authentic sexual experience for everyone involved.

    Instead of making love, I’m fond of saying “fuck.” In fact, I love to say fuck, and I love to fuck. I choose to use this word to describe the sex I have, because I feel that it best communicates the intensity of what I feel with my sexual partners. It’s a visceral emotional and physical interaction that leaves us breathless and as close as two (or three) people could be. Fucking can be tender and gentle or rough and slaphappy. In my vocabulary book, it’s a flexible word that can be used to describe all sorts of sexual configurations independent of gender and sexual preferences.

    In my humble opinion, the English language doesn’t have enough words to describe sexual intercourse. If the Inuit dialect has at least 53 words* to describe the nuances of “snow” then why can’t the English language have the same for “sex?” The fact of the matter is that there’s no inbetween word that lies between the romanticized, over-emotional ‘making love’ and the hard-hitting word ‘fuck.’ You’re either dressed as a knight and wooing your fair maiden to bestow her favor upon your codpiece or you’re backing her up against the wall and getting down and dirty with her. These are just two words that mean sex. What counts is how you and your girlfriend feel when you connect physically and emotionally in a sexual way. Call it fucking badminton if you like; what remains is that you love each other, right?

     

    Heather

    ********************

    It’s true. I gasped when Heather confessed her strong dislike for the act of, and even the term ‘making love’. I may have even stuttered. I mean seriously, we’ve been besties for nearly three years now and we know everything about the other, OR SO WE THOUGHT.

    *ahem*

    We do know quite a bit about each other, though. Heather has a lifetime subscription to my Vagina Report, and I’ve seen her nekkid, a lot. But we had no idea we had such different views on making love. It truly was a revelation.

    A ‘sexelation’!

    Yes? Yes? Pfft, whatever.

    Katie Kamara said:

     

    “Love making is the matrimony of physical desire, spiritual elevation, and emotional alignment and synchronicity.”

     

    That’s some pretty heavy stuff, but let’s talk a little about ‘fucking’ before we dive into those deep waters.

    In the past, ‘fucking’ was an unemotional act for me. It was a no-strings, get your rocks off, get the fuck out of my bed kind of thing. My feelings on ‘fucking’ have changed greatly, though. ‘Fucking’ can be rife with emotion, but in my opinion, it fills a different, more primal need. And if love is part of the equation, it doesn’t disappear when fucking. I just think it’s channeled differently.

    ‘Making love’, however, is very different for me because of the elements of pure emotion involved. It fills the needs of my softer side.

    Yes, I have one. Shut up.

    Anyway, I never hesitate to ask, or even beg Mr. K to make love to me. I’m not afraid to admit I need moments of tenderness, or that I need to hear I love you in my ear. He needs those moments, too. He needs to feel my legs wrapped around him, holding him impossibly close. And then he needs to flip me over and fuck my brains out because it’s how we roll.

    To me, anal penetration is no different than vaginal penetration, really. Okay, there’s a whole lotta difference as far as holes are concerned, but the psychology of it is the same. While there are those who view anal sex only as an act of submission, or “raunchy” fucking, there are others, like me, who don’t limit its definition. Unlike the anus itself, the definition of anal play is flexible and can be molded to fit the ‘headspace’ of the moment. Anal sex can be whatever you want it to be. It can be the ultimate act of submission, it can be rough and raunchy, and it can also be the rawest form of making love.

    So the bottom line is yes, you can make love anally, which means your girlfriend is wrong. You can even tell her I said so. Just kidding. *I’m totally serious*

     

    Nikki

    **********************

     

    David Robson. There really are 50 Eskimo words for ‘snow’. New Scientist. The Washington Post, 14 Jan. 2013. Web. 28 Aug. 2013. <http://articles.washingtonpost.com/2013-01-14/national/36344037_1_eskimo-words-snow-inuit>


  5. Nikki’s New Guide is on Kindle!

    July 15, 2013 by Nikki Blue

     

    Are you curious about anal sex? Do you want to know what to do when your butt plug goes missing IN YOUR ASS?

    Shut up, it happens.

    With tips both men and women will find useful, this guide explores the basics of anal play including anatomy, hygiene, why butter should be left in the kitchen, the importance of safe backdoor bangin’, and much more. Think of it as the bible of butt sex. Or the butt sex bible!

    See, Heather? I totally made ‘butt sex bible’ work. 

    No you didn’t.

    *stomps foot*

     

    The Fundamentals of Fabulous Anal Sex now available on .