Last week I attended a gathering of women and men who identified as slaves or submissives for an evening of learning and discussion. I was nervous about attending, because I didn’t know a soul. But I arrived with cookies fresh from the oven and figured no one could possibly dislike someone who brought dessert.
A round of quick introductions brought my attention to the woman across from me. She wore a steel collar, a steel cuff on each wrist and one on each ankle. LH and I had been discussing that exact style of day collar and cuffs. I could barely restrain my excitement, and I asked her if anyone ever inquired about her “jewelry.” She told a funny story about the one woman who did, and when she talked more about her background, she revealed that she had been trained as a Gorean red silk slave.
SHIT! my brain shouted. Fuckity fuck fuckit, I whispered.
For several awful moments all I could think about was the unflattering things I said about followers of Gor in a “Dear Heather” post last month. Never in a million years would I have discounted the woman sitting in our circle about her training, but I had done exactly that in a blog post. And for that, I feel an apology is in order.
I’m very sorry for my careless words. I’m NOT sorry that I advised Would Be Slave to ditch the suspicious Dom she was considering. However, I retract my Gorean/Scientology comparison, because let’s face it, no one I like should be compared to Tom Cruise’s spiritual practices.
My darling vagina readers, here comes my lesson for the week. My kink isn’t necessarily your kink, but that doesn’t mean that you’re doing it “wrong.” If you have enthusiastic consent from all parties, are using sane practices and are safe (This is a widely debated definition, but I’m not getting into that now.) then you’re doing your kink right. It’s true that I have absolutely no interest in creating a BDSM fantasy around a series of science fiction novels, but that doesn’t lessen my slave friend’s service in any way or any other slave who follows the Gorean ways.
One of the best pieces of advice I ever read was, “if someone tells you that they know THE right way to do kink, they’re lying.” There is no right way. It all depends upon the individuals playing. This goes for all sorts of protocols too. Capitalizing Sir and using lowercase “i” as a pronoun for slaves and submissives is pure preference. It’s a decision made between a Dominant and submissive within their dynamic. Just because LH and I don’t use that in our written communications doesn’t mean that we’re not Master and slave. We just happen to be a Master and slave who adhere to the grammar rules of the Chicago Manual of Style.
To the slaves that follow the trainings of Gor, you have my sincerest apologies if I offended you. All submission is a gift, and I need a reminder of that sometimes. I’ll even bake you peanut butter chocolate chip oatmeal cookies if that makes me a better candidate for forgiveness, and we’ll declare the slate wiped clean. Or I can send some feed for your bosk. Ha! I kid.
Boob smooshes,
Heather
