It’s a pet peeve of mine that few men take the time to read my ‘about me’ section on my Fet page before shooting a message my way. This is particularly bothersome because it took me hours and two vodka tonics to write about the qualities that make me me. Instead, they choose to ‘love’ one of my photos, usually a naked one, and send me a note saying, “I think you’re hot.” Or “hey, what’s up?” Another one of my intellectual favorites. Then there are those who barely skim over my carefully crafted…okay, booze induced profile, only connecting my heteroflexibility to my love for my soulmateclone. The assumption is often made that we come as a sexually packaged deal, like Pop-Tarts or HoHos. I roll my eyes, a lot.
This has been a hot topic for Heather and me lately. Partly because we find it amusing. Being best friends doesn’t automatically make us bed buddies. But the main reason our presumed two-fer status is upfront and center is because we’ve been squeeing loudly about my approaching visit and the probability of play parties and other debaucherous behavior. In other words, we’re planning for a lot of nakedness. With so many bare-skinned activities on the agenda, we felt compelled to broach the subject of group sex. We realized that we needed to explore what this means for the two of us and where our boundaries lie, because in Heather’s words, that’s what best friends do for each other.
In my twenties, the group sex I participated in usually wasn’t planned. It just happened. There was no forethought, or voiced limits, or concerns about safety. We flew blind and I thought nothing of getting naked with a group of people. I was even sober for some of the pile-ups. But regardless of my level of intoxication, I knew precisely what I was doing and had no regrets. Well, except for that one time I drank so much I couldn’t keep track of who was who, but that’s a story for another time.
I’m a sexually adventurous woman. I always have been, and I take full responsibility for my actions. But I’ve found that some aren’t as bold as they claim to be. A friend of mine, my best friend actually, chose to shove every bit of the blame on me once the haze cleared and the reality of what we’d done the night before set in. She conveniently forgot that it was her face buried between my legs while her boyfriend used my mouth. I was the slut in the situation, and she walked away unscathed. Our friendship was damaged beyond repair.
Bad judgment cost me a friend, and I felt the effects of that loss for a long time. We’d known each other since high school, and I felt our connection was a solid one. I found out the hard way that some bonds have limits. She didn’t abort our friendship because I knew her boyfriend wasn’t as well endowed as she claimed. She cut me out of her life because she was embarrassed that it was her tongue in my vagina. I wasn’t the one who initiated the disrobing that night. I was the only one who had experience with group sex though, and I should have known it was a mistake. I was the one who was thrown under the bus and left for dead and because of that, I look at group sex differently now. I understand that it’s not something that everyone is capable of handling. I’m more cautious, and less trusting because of the fallout that painted me as the licentious one. It’s now something I put more thought into and I tread lightly. If I suspect the slightest hint of doubt from anyone involved, I’ll call it without hesitation.
The question is will we or won’t we, if the opportunity presents itself, get naked with each other in a group setting. Fuck yes we will. But only because we trust each other immensely. That faith in our friendship is what allows me to let my guard down and indulge in situations that I might not otherwise. Heather is the most significant relationship I’ve had in my entire life, and I would never do anything to jeopardize what we have. Because of this, we have talked about it up one side and down the other. We know exactly where we stand.
Heather is the only person whose sincerity I’d never doubt. I’d trust her with my life. I trust that what we do when the clothes come off won’t affect our amazing friendship. We have a unique relationship that allows us the flexibility to indulge in what we enjoy without apprehension. Does this mean that when we’re alone we’ll strip down and get busy? Nope. I don’t roll that way and she has a girlfriend. But will we get down and dirty together if people are in agreement and circumstances suggest a hot mess of orgasms? You bet your sweet ass we will.
