I have a terrific partner, and as I’ve said before, we have few limits. When he expressed his desire to find a fucktoy for us to play with, I was in full agreement. He wanted someone to see the intensity of what we share. And he wanted the experience of watching me Top a woman. How could I deny him that?
We discussed limits, agreeing that there are things about our sexual relationship that are sacred, and we want to keep them between us. Condoms will be worn, and anal is out of the question. Not to sound too territorial, but that’s mine. We also had some requirements for our ideal plaything. My partner wanted a younger woman with perky breasts and erect nipples. My requirement, and it is a huge one, is that she’s more submissive than I am. Otherwise, it won’t work.
With limits set and an idea of what attributes our potential toy should possess, we reached out to kinksters on FetLife and opened an account as a couple on OKCupid. We read profile after profile of bisexual women who might be interested in couple play. I read the details of each one of them looking for their curiosities and limits. I messaged each woman with a personalized “hello.” Fuck, women are complicated.
Our first inquiry was from a woman who I liked immediately. That is until she began calling me just to chat. She led me to believe she wanted to play with me alone and that’s not my thing. I consider myself to be heteroflexible. I love the complexity and curves of a woman’s body, but I only find delving into the soft folds between a woman’s thighs appealing if there is a man involved. I need that male stimulation to get my *ahem* creative juices flowing. I know, I know. I’m complicated.
The next back and forth took place with a hot little blonde who said she’d never played with a couple before, but she was up for the experience. But that ended when she asked if I was worried that my partner would like her better and I would lose him. Oh hell no. If she had been within arm’s reach, I would’ve crotch-punched her and choked her with the bikini she wore in her profile picture.
There were others too. They were either too far away, too young, not our type, or decidedly too inexperienced. As flattering as it is, I’m not mentor material.
Why was it so hard to find someone who understood the situation for exactly what it was with no expectations beyond a night of fun? Were we asking for too much?
Then it dawned on me. My partner found me on FetLife. And even though he had an agenda of sorts initially, he still wooed me. He knew that whether it’s cerebral or physical, a woman still needs to feel an attraction. That’s what I feel we were omitting from our search. We were expecting someone to climb into bed with us and remain completely disconnected. I don’t know if that’s possible.
I was bellyaching about our disappointing search to one of my girlfriends. I was frustrated. I wanted to please my partner, and I was failing.
“I’ll do it,” she said, very matter-of-factly.
“I’m sorry. What?”
My partner and I had discussed the possibility of approaching her in the beginning, but I was hesitant. She was my friend, one of my best, and I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. But that’s what I was missing while I was pouring over profile after profile. She is my friend and would do anything for me. She would never question my limits. She understands and accepts them. She knows how important it is to me to please my partner. Plus, her husband enjoys sharing her. It’s a win/win.
Our night of lascivious behavior hasn’t happened yet, but when it does it will be so much better than a random hook-up on a fetish site. It will be with someone we can both trust. Someone who understands it for what it is and wants nothing more. She doesn’t need it. The emotional connection is already established, but on a higher level. And the best part about our experience up until now is that my partner wasn’t disappointed with me for not being successful in my search for a playmate. I proved my willingness to please him, and in the end, that’s what matters.
