When Mr. K and I added swinging to our sex resume, we were excruciatingly specific about our wants, limits, and expectations. Simply fucking another man and woman in a full swap, different room– or same room –scenario held no appeal to us. We wanted a tangled pile of body parts, shared orgasms, and a pleasurable daisy chain of sorts. And what we needed was to always touch and be a part of whatever it was the other was experiencing in that moment. And because our wants and needs are what they are, “dating” other couples can be tricky. Setting out to mesh two personalities together is challenging enough, but working with four of them can be extra sticky. Heh. Extra sticky… Get it?
<ahem>
With that having been said, swinging is really no different from dating. In fact, it’s the same thing. Even with another couple, you will still have first date jitters, naked blunders, and sometimes, people just don’t click. And that’s okay. All of it. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to swinging. However, if you are taking the sexy skillset into consideration, there are a few words of advice I would like to offer. Of course, it should all be taken with a squeeze of lube. And a condom. Definitely a condom.
1. Having snacks and beverages of some sort on hand is a super fantastic idea for that sustenance intermission from group sexy-time, and trust me, you will need one. But, do NOT refer to a pause in the action as a “first quarter food break.” Or any sports related analogy, for that matter. And for fuck’s sake, let the woman eat without her boob in your mouth. It’s just weird.
2. Orally sharing your man’s cock can be loads of fun, but it’s a difficult concept for some to grasp, apparently. And while I understand not all men are fluent in the language of cock, if you consistently try to stick your tongue into my mouth while I am enjoying Mr. K’s wonderfully hard cock, I will reach a point where I shove your mouth on it until you gag. Probably.
3. If you play with a couple you have met in an online community for swingers, chances are they’ve taken the time to write a detailed profile, listing their experiences and fantasies. The point of it is to establish common ground and mutual desires. It’s not to be treated like a sexual bucket list. Remember, sugarbritches, Rome wasn’t built in a day, and the amount of trust required for double penetration isn’t either.
4. Respect everyone’s limits. When a couple says ALL anal play is off limits, it’s not an invitation to push it. Whether it’s sneaking licks of her asshole or trying to shove an unwelcome vibrator up his ass, stop that shit.
5. It seems some who enjoy the lifestyle don’t care to fuck their respective partners during group grope sessions. And that’s fine. But others, like Mr. K and myself, immensely enjoy coming together often throughout playtime. Pun totally intended. If you’re not into that, though, if you are full swap, different room players, disclose that information upfront so prospective playmates can decide whether or not you are a good fit for them.
6. When a couple says it’s time for them to leave, don’t beg for just two more minutes. It’s kind of creepy. And when your partner whispers “fake an orgasm” into your ear, flex those acting skills, baby, and go for the gold.
7. And finally, we all know how expensive sexy things are, so when redressing at the end of the night, double check to make sure the lacy, black panties are the same ones you walked in with. Just sayin’.
Also, on a first date, I strongly caution against inviting your new friends for a sleepover. As fun as it may sound to frolick into the wee hours of the night, it’s just too much way too fucking soon. Keep in mind that they will probably need time alone to reconnect with each other, reflect on the evening, and re-hydrate with a big-ass Coke with lots of ice from the 7-11, erm, maybe.
When the Mrs and I had our brief dance into the swinging lifestyle we always took a “let’s see what happens” attitude which I now see as highly problematic but we were kids who really didn’t know what we wanted. Turns out what we wanted was the freedom to express our sexuality with other people when our regular day to day friends weren’t into that. Having a guy approach me to ‘negotiate’ the terms of some time with my (then) girlfriend was so odd to me. “Dude, go ask her yourself.”
though i’m not a swinger myself, all of this seems like good advice.
Ask First
Play nice with others
No trespassing
and lots and lots of lube.
Words to live by
Beautifully written piece, and sound advice in there
Sound advice based on real life experience…big-ass Coke and all. Full swinging isn’t something I’ve considered, but what you say makes sense…especially about the tongue and cock thing.