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My teen sat cross-legged on the center of the island while I made coffee a few days ago; masturbation and the importance of it was the topic of morning conversation. It was a successful chat that I’ll share another time, but the detour the talk took opened up a disturbing can of worms.
“Guys don’t believe I’m a virgin,” she said.
My immediate thought was aaaaand another generation takes the torch, but I wanted to know the reason behind their disbelief. Was she purposely leading them to think otherwise? Had something happened that she had not shared with me?
I quirked an eyebrow. “Are you?”
“Really, Mom?”
“I had to ask.”
“Yes, I’m a virgin, but they don’t believe me because they say I’m too pretty to not be having sex.”
The fuck?
“To begin with, it’s none of their fucking business whether or not you’re a virgin. And second, they assume you’re having sex because you’re pretty?”
“Yup.”
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. And you realize that’s slut-shaming, right?”
She nodded.
Then it hit me- regardless of how a female behaves, dresses, or looks, she’s automatically a target for slut-shaming for simply being female, and this is unacceptable.
sigh.
It’s so true. And it’s so fucking stupid! No matter what you do as a woman, there’s something wrong with you. Goes back to the whole Madonna/Whore dichotomy. People, as a society, suck. Period.
But it makes me SO happy to constantly see how open you are with your daughter, and how damn smart she is. <3
Thank you, Britt! I’m determined to raise open-minded, non-judgmental, conscious kids. Two down, millions to go.
*hugs*
Seems like that’s the difference between those that are getting it and those that aren’t. The “I sure would if I could” male mindset, and the “There’s more to life than sex” female mindset.
My daughters are little, but I talk to them like human beings, so I love this post.
When I became single again and started dating, I was astonished by the slut shaming that was happening to me. I thought… I’m a grown woman who can sleep with whomever I want, however and wheneverI want! What I realized was that a few of the men I saw didn’t see me as anything more than a “slut.” When I realized that I became more careful about who got to see the more intimate sides of myself. Which sucks. Woman should be respected for all that they are…. the double standard makes me furious! It has to be changed!
Thanks for reading and commenting, Martha!
The double standard is infuriating. Divorced men are expected to have sex when they get back into the dating pool; spread their wings, so to speak, but when divorced women embrace their sexuality after divorce, we’re sluts. Women are categorized as ‘sluts’ or ‘not-sluts,’ if that makes any sense at all. (It totally does in my head) Why can’t we just be thought of as ‘women’ for fuck’s sake?