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Posts Tagged ‘vagina antics sex blog’

  1. Fifty Shades of NO: The Movie

    July 9, 2015 by Heather Cole

    Image courtesy of Salvatore Vuono at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

    I watched Fifty Shades of Grey the other night. I haven’t read the books, mostly because of the lackluster (poorly written) excerpts I read online. Sir watched it last week, though, and his feedback surprised me. He said there was a D/s contract and negotiation, and even though I was openly incredulous, I knew I had to watch it for the sole purpose of being able to discuss it with him. Plus, sir said that Mr. Grey’s playroom was kickass, and I’m a sucker for a well-appointed dungeon. I settled into bed after my child fell asleep, and watched the movie with my phone in my hand, so I could text Nikki about all the failings of the movie and its portrayal of D/s.

    I discovered that Fifty Shades of Grey, the movie, is about a woman who doesn’t want to be a submissive. She wants a billionaire boyfriend that treats her to amazing, spectacular adventures like flights in a glider, a helicopter, and buys her fab things. She wants love and romance, to be courted and swept off her feet. And there’s nothing wrong with that. The crux of the problem is that the billionaire boyfriend is a dominant and a sadist, and what he wants is a submissive with a signed contract that commits to a D/s relationship, which doesn’t guarantee emotional intimacy. At least, not the kind of emotional intimacy that a more traditional dating relationship would entail. Christian Grey also has a tendency to creep, stalk, and lurk. Add to these conflicting, fundamental differences the fact that BOTH characters are positively shitty communicators, and you have the basic gist of this movie.

    But… but… Heather, you say, aren’t you always going on and on about the physical and emotional intimacy you enjoy through BDSM? How can Mr. Grey be anything but a cad and a blackguard for wanting Anastasia bound and naked yet not wanting to cuddle with her overnight?

    My perspective of this movie is from the viewpoint of a woman who signed a D/s contract without the promise of romance. I committed myself to a dominant without the knowledge that we would fall deeply in love and that our partnership would expand into “regular” life. What I desired most of all was a man that would hurt me in all the ways that I wanted, who would use me, control me, and degrade me in the most delicious ways I could imagine. I wanted bondage, and pain; an outlet for those nameless things that clamored inside me–I wanted to serve. And I knew that sir was a decent man, one who would keep me safe while I explored all the dark, twisting turns of my desires. I knew he would be a caretaker for me in those times of domination and submission, but in the beginning, I didn’t have aspirations that our D/s would follow a path to romance and courtship. I had no expectation that we would live together, that my submission would turn 24/7, or that we would continue together despite an overseas relocation and months of separation.

    So no, I don’t think Mr. Grey is fucked up for being a dominant or a sadist. He lacks the ability to communicate his feelings to the unwilling, yet grudgingly submitting Anastasia. He utters the words “due diligence” to her, yet they fail to do anything except some light bondage and fucking six-ways-to-Sunday in the playroom. That’s all well and good, but she needed to do actual research on D/s (it’s called Google, Anastasia). Contracts in D/s can be a big frickin’ deal, and even though they aren’t legally binding, I would never enter into one without a lot of thought and consideration beforehand. But that’s a rant for a different day.

    Where Mr. Grey did fuck up (besides the stalking, lurking, and non-consensual control) was that he didn’t say anything regarding the trauma of his past (talking to someone when they’re asleep doesn’t count), or how it’s possible to be a loving sadist/dominant. Probably because he’s completely unfamiliar with what a functioning relationship may feel like.

    With such fundamental differences between them, you know the movie isn’t going to end well. It really doesn’t. In fact, it’s the last twenty minutes of the movie that made me hate it. Because nothing infuriates me more than a play partner begging for a certain thing, hating it but not using their safewords, and then when it’s all over, shaming the other person for doing the exact thing that they requested earlier. This sort of interaction is precisely why BDSM gets a bad rep when our lifestyle is actually based upon a foundation of consent and trust. And the simple act of writing about it has pissed me off all over again.

    sigh…

    I need a glass of wine and funny cat videos to forget this clusterfuck of a movie.

     

    For an eloquent fact-checking article regarding the “kink” (yeah, I placed that in quotes) in FSoG, Nikki found a great article written by actual kinky folks who engage in actual Dominance/submission. Read it HERE.

    ~And since Heather watched the movie, sharing with me a bazillion texts regarding its ridiculousness as it unfolded, I’ve agreed to finally read the clusterfuck of a book. Oy.~ Nikki

    Category BDSM | Tags: ,,,,,,,, | 4 Comments

  2. Online Dating: Finding What You Want

    July 6, 2015 by Heather Cole

    Online love button on the keyboard. Toned Image.

    When venturing into the world of dating, it seems like the activity can be broken down into two primary categories. You have your standard, traditional form of dating that can begin with something as simple as a casual coffee, then graduate to dinner, and possibly more. Then there is the more casual, dare we say recreational, style of dating–the hook-up. Both types of interactions offer aspects that might suit certain people and turn away others. Regardless of which you choose, there are some fundamental rules y’all should be following when looking for potential matches online.

    First and foremost:  READ THEIR DAMN PROFILE. Don’t skim it. Don’t just look at their photo on the profile and decide they’re the penis or pussy of your dreams. (By the way, don’t ever make a photo of your love log or love cave your profile pic–even if it’s your favorite part of your anatomy. Yes, we said ‘love log.’) Read every word they’ve written. Hopefully they’ve mentioned the qualities they’re looking for in a prospective date, one of which should be they type of relationship they’re looking for–something casual, long-term, or somewhere in between.

    Casual dating brings to mind non-commitment–a sense of freedom. You aren’t attached solely to one person, but instead can go as you please, meeting and dating as many people as you like. It’s this carefree, relaxed nature that some individuals prefer. Furthermore the term “no strings attached” implies that sex is the main focus of the encounter. It’s a hobby to some, and there’s nothing wrong with that as long as everyone is upfront and communicates their objectives. Finding singles who want no strings sex can prove as challenging as meeting the mate of your dreams, but for different reasons. In both instances you have to do some research on the person (it’s called Google, y’all) to ensure that you’re not dealing with a psychopath, and regardless of whether you want to see them again or not, play responsibly and ALWAYs practice safe sex.

    Secondly: Send a grammatically correct, interesting first message. It doesn’t have to be long, but you should comment or include a fact that you learned about them based on reading their entire profile. Even if it’s only to hook up for one night of wild monkey sex, make that first message count.

    Do THIS: “Dear Wild Monkey Sex Man: As it turns out, I happen to share your passion for bananas. I would love to talk to you about it sometime. Do you text? xxxx”

    DON’T do this: “How RU”

    And definitely don’t do this: “What’s up?”

    And really don’t do this: “Kneel before me and worship my ____!”

    Third: Be upfront about what you want in a relationship or in your sexual encounter. This circles back to our first topic. Throughout the search process, being honest about the type of person you’re searching for will save everyone time (and a massive headache) in the end. Even if your focus is sex, be open to discussing the characteristics that you want. Are you looking for a certain size? Height? Ability to enact all of the Kama Sutra? Talk about it or you’ll never have a chance at finding what you desire.

    What? You don’t want to talk about your expectations? While many find it difficult and embarrassing to discuss what they might like to try with a partner, it will be easier to bring up your wildest fantasies with someone who is a match for your experiences. You can both pitch ideas back and forth and find out more about yourself sexually and emotionally. You never know, you may discover a few things about yourself in the process.

     

    Category Dating | Tags: ,,,,,,, | No Comments

  3. Ask Nikki: Will a vibrator help when there isn’t enough sex?

    June 19, 2015 by Nikki Blue

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    Photo via Depositphotos

    Hey Nikki,

    My relationship is great. He is the sweetest and most loving man I’ve ever met. There’s just one problem. In my opinion there’s not enough sex happening. He’s the only man to ever make me orgasm. Hell, I’ve never even made myself orgasm. Sure, I’ve masturbated, but I always just get bored. I’ve often wondered if I should get a vibrator, but I don’t know the first thing about them. I understand that his sex drive is not as high as mine. I understand that we can’t be having sex all the time. So, my question is do you think getting a vibrator would help? If yes, there are so many kinds, where do I begin? I’d love to go out with my best gal pal and pick one out, but I don’t have any close female friends. Please help me.

    Hugs,

    R.

     

    Oh, R. How I wish this was a conversation that we could have over a cup of coffee–half caff, almond milk latte with a shot of coconut–because heart-to-heart girlfriend chats are uber awesome.

    Falling in love with someone whose libido doesn’t run parallel to yours is fairly common, and that’s okay. I mean, variety is the spice of life, right? A varying sex drive doesn’t have to be a pothole on the road to happiness, because there are so many ways to satisfy yourself with or without your partner. All you need is a little open-mindedness and a whole lot of honest communication about your needs, and your partner’s needs.

    You’ve probably heard the saying “It’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.” Well, I agree with it, mostly, but let’s be honest, sometimes we just want the fucking destination. It doesn’t make us selfish or uncaring–it makes us human. And whether it’s with their penis, fingers, tongue, or a toy, a lot of men derive a great deal of pleasure simply from the act of pleasing their partner. An open line of communication is imperative. If you tell him I NEED MORE ORGASMS, I would be willing to bet he’ll be all over it. Heh. And a vibrator, I think, could definitely help bridge the gap between your libido and your partner’s. When you find the one that you’re comfortable with, you can bring yourself to orgasm alone or while your man watches you pleasure yourself, which is always incredibly hot. And he can please you with the toy even if he’s not in the mood for a full-on romp.

    There is a veritable smorgasbord of vibrators on the market, and it’s easy to succumb to over-information. There are bullets, finger massagers, G-spot vibrators, eggs, Rabbits, wands, vibrating cock rings and dildos, smoothies, anal/prostate, and many different styles of clitoral stimulators. See what I mean? Mind…blown.

    Before embarking on a quest for the perfect Battery Operated Boyfriend, I suggest you think about the stimulation your body responds to the best. Is it clitoral stimulation? Vaginal penetration? Both? If it’s clitoral, the vibrator world is your oyster, because anything that vibrates can be used to coax your love lava into flowing. Most vibrators have varying speeds of intensity, and some, like the Hitachi, shouldn’t be used too often, in my opinion. I’m a super-huge fan of this magical orgasm stick, but it only has two speeds:

    1. Holy Mary, Mother of God, and;
    2. The Clit Destroyer

     

    With that having been said, remember that our bodies tend to adjust to the stimulation we provide it, which can possibly make it more difficult to orgasm by manual stimulation. So if you notice reduced sensation after using a vibrator for an extended period of time, back off for a little while to let your body re-assimilate to the personal touch.

    The Rabbit is another one of my personal favorites because it provides wicked clitoral AND vaginal stimulation. The vibrating rabbit ears tease the clitoris toward orgasm while the gyrating shaft that is filled with rotating beads throw you screaming into oblivion. It’s SO dreamy. I mean, if you’re into that sort of thing, of course.

    Lubricant isn’t a must with a vibrator, but I do recommend it, especially if your love cave isn’t good and juicy before insertion. And like vibrators, there are a plethora of lubricants on the market to choose from. Except during anal play, you can rarely go wrong with a water based lubricant because it’s both body safe and toy friendly.

    If you have a reputable adult toy store near you, I highly suggest a field trip. And including your partner in the naughty shopping excursion will likely stiffen his manhandle. Look at the toys together, tell each other in explicit detail what you will do with it when you get home, or into the car. It’s like foreplay in public. Again, if you’re into that sort of thing.

    I would totally go with you if we were neighbors, because vibrator shopping with girlfriends is also super-fun.
    Hugs,

    Nikki

    Category Ask Nikki | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,,, | 3 Comments

  4. Spanking From A to Z: ‘C’ is for the C-word

    June 3, 2015 by Nikki Blue

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    If you’ve read Vagina Antics, followed me on social media, or spoken with me in person, you are well aware of my filthy mouth. ‘Fuck’, in particular, is a word that flows freely from my lips. I don’t have an explanation for it, other than it just feels natural on my tongue, like my southern drawl and my obsession with donuts. ‘Pussy’ is another one of my favorites. Probably because it can be used in so many different ways. Heh. To most people, it probably seems as if my mouth has no limits (heh, again). Surprisingly, it does. And it begins with the letter ‘C’.

    The C-word is something I never particularly warmed to. I can’t say or type the word. Hell, just reading it makes me all prickly, even when it’s referring to a juicy love cave. On that note, please, for the love of God, stop writing “love cave.” I beg of you–STOP.

    I don’t know the reason that the C-word is a hard stop for me. I’ve thumbed through the traumatic experiences of my life and not once did I discover a moment to which the resistance can be attributed. It doesn’t sound sexy to me, or nice, for that matter. Maybe it’s my southern roots that prohibit me from embracing the C-word. Or maybe I’m just weird.

    The fact that I’ve written this Spanking A to Z blog challenge all ninja-like was no accident. I planned for breathing room to prepare my delicate-self from the C-word flood I know Heather will soon drown me with. As a matter of fact, she won’t even know the topic I’ve chosen until I’ve shared this document with her. And if I know her as well as I think I do, she’ll laugh hysterically while using the C-word as many times as aesthetically possible to drive me bat-shit crazy, because we are best friends for life, and that’s what besties do.

    ~This post is cunt-a-liscious! And has my (and my cunt’s) seal of approval. xoxox Heather~

    *groan* I hate her.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Category Randomness | Tags: ,,,,,,, | 2 Comments

  5. It’s my birthday-want a present?

    May 24, 2015 by Heather Cole

    I’m a very lucky girl. First, I get to wake up here…

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    …with my sir.

    Second, it’s my birthday today.

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    If you’re my friend or follow me on , then you already know that our brunch celebration on Friday can only be described as true debauchery. And holy hell it was fun. Four hours of gourmet brunch and a never-ending supply of champagne ushered in my special day with a bang. Followed by a very long nap.

    This entire month has felt like a celebration. Being reunited with someone I love passionately and reawakening the kinky fires between us has been bliss. And spending time with sir has been my best present of all.

    Today, my actual birthday, has been made auspicious by some deep throating in the shower and a long spanking that has left my bottom burning. I feel impossibly happy and doted upon, and I’m soaking up every second to take home with me next week. And so, I wish to pass along some happiness to you.

    I’m writing a new shapeshifter erotic romance series called the Lakeview Wolves. Book 1: A Recipe for Trouble will be released next month.

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    The first book is FREE if you sign up for my newsletter at heathercoleerotica.com. Expect to receive one newsletter a month, on average, with sneak peeks of new chapters, the latest information on new releases, and giveaways. You will never be spammed.

    Here’s an excerpt from A Recipe for Trouble:

    She didn’t know what exactly made her think family, but that was the word that popped into her mind. Jennie put the truck into park and sat for a second observing the strangers. They were all tall, even the women, and attractive. Not stunning in a way that made people sit up and take notice, but they were wholesome-looking. Jennie shook her head. They didn’t seem like regular folks at all, but there was no specific quality that she could pinpoint exactly as to what made her think that.

    “Stop daydreaming, J, and be helpful,” she muttered to herself.

    Jennie patted her ponytail absentmindedly, knowing that there was no hope of salvaging her appearance. She hadn’t thought to double-check her reflection before leaving the shop. More than likely she had flour smudges on her nose or forehead, and dried muffin batter stuck to her skirt. Her t-shirt had the company logo on it, but it was faded from countless cycles through the laundry. She sighed as she looked down at her kitchen clogs. She was most definitely dressed for a behind-the-scenes day in the kitchen and not a meet-and-greet with handsome strangers.

    By now the tourists had noticed her and were waiting for her to approach. She waved as she got out of the truck, hopping a little to make sure that her skirt was in place and not stuck to the high seat. She wondered what they saw. A curvy girl who had perfected her craft with lots of taste-testing? Or a frumpy local who might be as lost as they were? Jennie shoved the thoughts from her head and smiled. Ultimately it didn’t matter, because she needed to be on her way, the sooner the better.

    “Do you folks need some help?” she asked and came to a halt outside their group. From a distance they looked fit and capable, and upon closer inspection, they were downright intimidating. Jennie pushed her shoulders back and smiled brightly. If they caused her any grief, she’d leave their asses stranded in the woods.

     

    Thanks to all our readers and fans for contributing to my amazing year here. I’m grateful that I’ve been able to connect with some of you beyond these pages, and your comments and interactions are some of the bright spots of each day. Vagina Antics readers are the BEST!

    Now from the look on sir’s face, I may be in store for another spanking. Pardon me while I continue to celebrate. *giggle*

    Category Announcements | Tags: ,,,,,,, | 2 Comments

  6. Mother’s Day and Mommy Issues

    May 10, 2015 by Nikki Blue

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    It’s no secret I have mommy issues, and Mother’s Day stresses me out over the relationship I have with my mother. Trying to find an appropriate card makes my head hurt because they say way too much. She hasn’t been the best mother in the world, or my role model, or even my friend. And she didn’t show me how to be a strong woman either. I looked to my grandmothers and aunts for that inspiration.

    If you follow me on or , you’ve probably read my status updates regarding my mother’s foray into online dating. Technical issues aside, she now considers herself an expert, offering unsolicited advice about my own dating life. Or lack thereof, I should say. She’s afraid I’m going to spend the rest of my life without a man to take care of me. What she doesn’t understand, even though I’ve told her numerous times, is that I don’t need—or want—a man to take care of me. I’ve got that. What I do want, eventually, is a supportive partner. It’s a concept she is unable to grasp.

    My mommy issues began long ago when she cheated on my father with a family friend. The scandalous affair ended publicly with law enforcement and a handwritten note in our mailbox containing a threat to rape “the green-eyed girl.” I was thirteen at the time.

    Her second husband, who was an alcoholic, chronic liar, and a compulsive gambler, was an even bigger gem than the spineless asshat who helped my mother blow my family apart.

    I’ve written a little about the strained relationship with my mother in , but it’s just the tip of one fucked up iceberg, really. Maybe one day I’ll reach the point where I’m ready to talk about how we went for months without speaking when I told her my husband-to-be was a black man, and how she didn’t come to my wedding or make any attempt at reconciliation until she found out I was pregnant with my daughter.

    Her idea of motherhood has been conditional, apparently.

    So Mother’s Day has been dicey for me for many years; many reasons, but today, I am able to look at my own children knowing that I am the best mother I can possibly be, that they look to me as a role model AND their friend. And I know without a doubt that I am the one who is teaching my daughter how to be a strong woman. For those reasons alone, it is definitely a happy Mother’s Day.

    Category Randomness | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,, | 6 Comments