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January 30, 2014 by Nikki Blue

Like a lot of women I know, I felt pressured during my twenties. I was enslaved by the traditional beliefs of marriage, expected to settle down, and I wanted children. And because of that, I made choices I probably wouldn’t have otherwise. I chose a man who would give me my dream house in the suburbs, a SUV, and financial security. However, a deep emotional connection, equality, and great sex weren’t part of my Phase One package. I greatly underestimated the importance of their roles in a happy union. But Phase One ended the day I signed my name on the divorce papers. Now I’m in Phase Two of my life, and so far, my needs differ greatly from Phase One. Truthfully, I’m still discovering what they are.

I was fresh out of Phase One when Mr. K found me and falling in love was something neither of us anticipated. But it happened, and the past two years have shown us that we’re more than just like-minded lovers who rock in the bedroom. We’re equal partners who get each other in a way none have before.

During a recent jaunt down memory lane, Mr. K questioned the direction of our future. He wondered if we will continue down this same long-distance path, but I didn’t have an answer. It’s something I’d never really allowed myself to think about because there were just too many uncertainties.

The thing is, our everyday and professional lives are deeply rooted one hundred something miles away from the other. They’re complex and not easily untangled. We come together once a month — sometimes more –and our time is no less than phenomenal, but there are parts of him I don’t get due to the distance between us. It’s the one place where he feels like he fails me. There are times the miles seem to stretch farther than others, moments when I would give anything just to breathe in his scent, and nights I lay in my bed missing him terribly. But because I’m the best girlfriend ever, I try super hard to shield him from the windfall of my emotions. And I succeed, mostly. There are, however, moments where I fail spectacularly because I’m human.

When I asked myself what I needed from my relationship with Mr. K, what popped into my head first were the things I don’t need. I don’t need for him to define who I am as a person because I already know. And I don’t need him to secure my financial status, or aid in bringing children into the world. Those goals were accomplished in Phase One. Surprisingly, society still has pretty traditional views in regards to how I should live my life, but I say fuck society. This is MY time.

So what exactly do I need in Phase Two? I need Mr. K to be proud of the woman I am, stimulate me intellectually, satisfy me sexually, and love me not in spite of my flaws and history, but because of them. Do we need to be married or in a full-time situation for that to happen? No, we don’t. We haven’t been thus far and he meets my needs every day. Whether he’s by my side or two hours away, he makes me happy.

We are realistic, though. We know that if fate finds us together things would be a bit different from the way they are now. For example, he would see how glamorous I really am when I do laundry. He’d notice my eye twitch when the teen pisses me off, and he would see me eat peanut butter straight from the jar with a spoon. We also wouldn’t fuck for hours every night until his dick is chafed and sore, but our passion and desire for each other would remain unchanged. We’ve agreed we would still sleep naked, wake each other to fuck in the middle of the night or in the morning, delight in all sorts of anal play, and spontaneously fuck like teenagers whenever possible. Who knows, maybe I’d finally be able to pee on him.

Only time will tell if there is a happily ever after in our future, and if so, it’s up to us to determine what it will encompass. Whether it’s full-time or just more time, Phase Two is our story to write. At this point in our lives, we no longer feel the squeeze of society, family, or the tick of our biological clocks. Those pressures are a thing of the past. In this phase it’s about satisfying every facet of the other person in ways we never imagined were possible. That’s exactly what we’re doing and we’re enjoying the fuck out of it.


  1. Agatha-luise says:

    Thank you Nikki. For a twenty three year old person, this is an insightful post. It’s nice to hear someone’s experiences and challenge myself about how I can live my life too–whether it be on other people’s expectations or on my own.

    I wish you a happy life! May that phase 2 fill in the gaps you so long to be filled!!! xx

    • Nikki Blue says:

      I’m so glad you enjoyed the post, Agatha-luise! I absolutely hate the phrase “Way back when” and the like, but I find myself using us often. Especially with my kids. But the thing is, twenty-some odd years ago, expectations society placed on women were different than they are today. Just as they were for the generation before me, and so on. But the undertone is always the same– women should be wives and mothers. In my opinion, women should just do what makes them happy. As long as there’s no bloodshed. :)

  2. Gooblaster says:

    Ain’t that the way it is! All these “weird” couples and people I met when I was younger are so oft the people who get it. Live life on your terms. Sure you have to function in society. But you do not have to be societies bitch!

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