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  1. A Different Kind of Collar

    May 24, 2013 by Heather Cole

    I’ve written before that I take my Master/slave contract seriously, and I probably considered it more thoroughly than I ever did my marriage certificate or vows. I thought that the contract was the biggest step and that a collar would be the icing on the cake. We had signed our contract weeks ago, and although collars had been discussed, sir hadn’t made any decisions.

    He offered me the silver pocket of fabric wrapped in a white, satin ribbon, after a particularly long session of anal sex. We were both sweaty and covered in bodily fluids. I felt a wide grin spreading across my face as I opened the present. I knelt on the floor in front of him, my clothes hanging off me in sweaty abandon. A round, blue box was revealed and inside was a ring. It was composed of a wide, polished band of silver with a silver bead in the middle, pierced by a silver ring. Sir gave me a Ring of O for my birthday.

    Sir told me I could wear it on any finger that fit, but he said that his preference was my left hand. The position of the ring felt significant, and even though he didn’t say it out loud, I knew he thought so too. I stared at the silver on my hand, letting the weight of it sink into me. The last thing I had worn on my left hand had been my wedding rings. I could feel something welling up inside me, but I tried to ignore it. I was ecstatic–overflowing with joy. And I felt the echo of something else… a warning.

    The ring was bait in a trap. And the echo of warning was a reminder of what I had sacrificed years ago for a different ring from a different man. Everything felt like a jumble, but I took a deep breath and reminded myself that all my safeties were in place. I had a safeword and a contract, and my voice and my strength. I wasn’t a victim this time, and sir wasn’t here to hold me back or try to make me into a different person. If anything, our dynamic was setting us free to do amazing things together. Things we had been fantasizing about and hoping for.

    As I stared at the ring, I realized that I also had something to lose. Frankly, I had something to lose since sir and I met for our first scene. Our relationship, my feelings for him…all of it had been building since our first email exchange. The ring seemed to solidify all these feelings, bringing them home in a way that I had been avoiding. I expected sir to be the one that had commitment jitters, not me.

    Sir herded me upstairs with the promise of a shower. I gently washed his body as he talked, my tension draining away under the hot, staccato spray. There were no emotional walls between us, and when I wound my arms around his neck, I whispered how grateful I was that he had found me. There was no relationship that would guarantee me a perfect happy ending, and I would be the biggest fool if I stayed on the sidelines because I was too afraid to try.

    I would have absorbed him into my body in that moment, merged our spirits in the same way that our bodies fit together. Water droplets clung to his eyelashes as I stared up at him, and he said, “I will protect you and take care of you.”

    “And I’ll do the same for you,” I said.

    I saw his intentions for us in this silver band, his commitment to me and to our future. We called it “our game” but its meaning was more akin to “our life.” A life together. He gently moved my body so that I was leaning against the back of the shower. I thought of more things I could say, more promises I could give, but my words were lost the moment his mouth touched my clit. I lovingly memorized the path of his spine to the curve of his ass as pleasure spiraled through me. I had time, I told myself. Time to tell him everything.


  2. The Period Predicament

    May 17, 2013 by Nikki Blue

    I hate my period. I hate that I feel like I could eat my children every day for an entire week leading up to it. I hate that the flow is so heavy I need to pop iron supplements like they’re tic tacs so my anemia doesn’t kick in from rapid blood loss causing my vision to blur. But what I hate the most is that when Mr. K visits, eight times out of ten, we have a messy threesome with ol’ Auntie Flo. Her presence is annoying and inconvenient, and to be honest, I don’t feel as dominant when she’s in town. I don’t feel confident enough to sit on Mr. K’s face as he worships my ass, which is something I absolutely adore, and I don’t immediately collapse on top of him in post orgasmic bliss after using him. Instead we clean each other up, rearrange the towels on the bed, and make remarks about hotel housekeeping calling the cops. The red stained sheets are usually one blood splatter away from a full-blown crime scene.

    Fortunately my periods aren’t painful. Fibroid tumors, endometriosis, or ovarian cysts aren’t the cause of my monthly deluge. Altered hormones from pregnancies and my body changing with age are. I assumed there was no solution to my problem and actually began to look forward to menopause so the situation would rectify itself. Last month was particularly brutal, so I started asking questions. My Nurse Practitioner said that up until now, healthy women our age (“our age” meaning perimenopausal) with problematic periods tend to get shafted. I don’t need a hysterectomy because my lady parts are in good shape, and I don’t need birth control pills because my tubes have been cut, burned and tied. And an endometrial ablation isn’t an option because according to the research I’ve done, good results aren’t the norm. What I do need is a period that doesn’t control what I wear or the time between bathroom visits. These days women have more options, and after reading positive reviews about a particular non-hormonal treatment, I walked away with a prescription whose price tag damn near gave me heart failure.

    Almost a week later and $109 poorer, I was preparing for my getaway with Mr. K when my period made an unexpected appearance. My first instinct was to curl into a fetal position and sob hysterically. The second was to ask Google for a magic spell that would make it disappear, because supposedly, Google knows everything. The third, and most irrational by far, was to call my pastor for an emergency prayer circle. Don’t laugh, I’m Southern Baptist. It’s what we do. But then I remembered the whole restraining order thing and quickly shelved that idea. I came to terms with the fact that once again, there would be our definition of blood play and I eventually climbed out of my self-made pit of despair. I popped two of the pills as prescribed and hoped for the best. It was really my only option.

    We didn’t notice much difference the first day. There was still blood and messed up sheets despite the carefully laid beach towels. It was then that I began to worry I was the exception and the pills wouldn’t work for me, but I continued to take them as directed. The next morning, however, there was very little blood evidence on Mr. K, and by late afternoon, there was even less. And when we got naked again that night, my period went missing. It had vanished along with my anxieties of ruined bed linens. To say that we were thrilled is a massive understatement. Mr. K exclaimed the pills were pure genius and we shared a Julie Andrews moment, but with less singing and more orgasms.

    I’m incredibly lucky that Mr. K has no qualms about the state of my vagina during my period. He earned his red wings over a year ago during our first weekend together and he continues to amaze me with how much he loves everything about my body. And now, thanks to modern medicine, I no longer have to arm wrestle Auntie Flo to prove who is more dominant. I am, and I’ll win every fucking time.

     


  3. Judge Heather

    May 15, 2013 by Heather Cole

    I tend not to write publicly about my breakups. Instead I retreat inside myself to analyze and ponder and nurse my wounds. Being a blogger means that pieces of my life experience are on display for complete strangers to examine, but I try to choose carefully what I reveal. As much as I want to hold your attention, my darlings, I want to protect the people who are intimately involved with me. I also want to shield my bruised heart.

    I’ve been learning some hard lessons lately, one of them being about criticism and judgment. OK, that’s two things, but you can see how they’re related. I’d like to point a finger and write about how I’ve been judged by my nearest and dearest, but really, I’m guilty of this exact thing.

    Boy Scout and I parted ways amicably. We both knew it was coming, and ironically, we had one of our best conversations the night we decided to be just friends. For the first time in our short relationship, we communicated exactly what we felt. We shared our thoughts freely. It was liberating, and at the same time, sad that it took the end of our romance to really begin communicating well. I even tweeted that it was the best breakup ever, because I felt like we were starting a new chapter to be better friends. Boy Scout was looking for a new submissive and who better to give advice than his old submissive? No, don’t answer that.

    It wasn’t until a week or so later that I caught myself saying something critical about the new slave that Boy Scout was considering. He had shared a few things that they were doing, and I called Nikki to bitch about the girl. I was being catty, and I knew it. My belief about BDSM being a unique journey for everyone seemed to fly out the window as soon as Boy Scout started discussing one of his new partners. I observed my mouth and tongue forming the nasty words, but I didn’t stop judging.

    It wasn’t until LH asked me point blank if I was jealous that I actually took stock of my feelings. It wasn’t jealousy. The tasks that Boy Scout was giving her wouldn’t have satisfied me. I didn’t envy her sitting in a restaurant with her panties stuffed in her mouth. The mouthful of silk would have irritated me, not inspired my juices to flow. No, the problem was my damn ego.

    I’m better than her, a voice whispered in the back of my mind.

    The dark side of my competitive spirit was to use criticism and judgment to make someone else, the person who “took” my place, appear less. I was being petty and mean. I didn’t know Boy Scout’s slave at all, and it was none of my business how they conducted themselves. Everyone was consenting in their power exchange which was the most crucial element. As for the rest, I just needed to shut the fuck up about it. I was breaking all my personal rules about respecting others’ relationships even if I didn’t understand them, and I felt embarrassed. And yes, I was ashamed of my behavior.

    As it is with the synchronicity of the universe, it was soon my turn to be scrutinized, and the biggest criticisms were coming from some of the people I cared about the most. In a fringe community like BDSM, I’m always surprised that we can be so judgemental of one another. Just as I judged Boy Scout and his new slave, people were critiquing my new M/s dynamic with LH. The real punch-in-the-emotional-gut part was that there was some truth in their judgement, and that’s what I’ve been looking at in the darkness of my breakup cave. I had a mirror held in front of me, and I could see the parts where I truly failed. I got so caught up trying to defend myself against all the criticism flying around that I didn’t see the heart of the problem until it was too late. I was so busy trying to meet others’ expectations that I neglected to voice that my own needs were being trampled or disregarded. It was a colossal breakdown on all sides.

    I have learned the hard way that compassion defeats judgement. And when we’re trying something new, like a new relationship or a better way of communicating, there are going to be times where we stumble and fall flat on our faces. Boy Scout and his new slave have every right to figure out their new relationship and create it in ways that suit their unique needs. They’re going to have hiccups and challenges and fights, but it’s not my place to referee that or comment. I have a new found compassion for the beginning stages of consideration; I have a new perspective and empathy for those of us living the M/s dynamic in general. Because we’re not born experts. We try, we fuck up, and we get up and try again. Hopefully we do it better the next time.


  4. No Place For Judgement

    May 11, 2013 by Nikki Blue

    I studied the short profile before beginning the conversation with her, a self-titled unicorn who expressed interest in playing with Mr. K and myself this coming weekend. I’d already determined that she preferred women to men and that she’d been into the sharing lifestyle for a number of years. The cuffs decorating her wrists and ankles in one of her photographs gave me the impression she was submissive.

    “Do you know what BDSM is?” she asked.

    I snorted, reading the question to Heather who immediately tweeted what we thought was a laughable inquiry. The unicorn didn’t know me, though, and I seriously doubt she was testing my sense of humor. My response was delayed and it led her to believe I was at a loss which also made me snort. I contemplated an answer that didn’t sound all-knowing or condescending, informing her that I identify as a Switch who is much more dominant than submissive. She countered a little too quickly saying she’s “super submissive” and “super aggressive” in bed, which I found super contradictory. She also said she was uninvolved in the BDSM community but belonged to the Farm. To be honest, I have no idea what the Farm is, but I do know she has two Dommes. However, it was her confession that she enjoys sensual, erotic floggings that left Heather questioning whether her Dom has it all wrong and left me with more questions.

    “What are your hard limits?” I asked, hell bent on making some sense out of the increasingly confusing conversation.

    “What is that?”

    Are you fucking kidding me? “A hard limit is something you absolutely will NOT do.”

    “Oh! Blow jobs,” she replied.

    *face palm*

    I peeked at the words on the screen from behind my splayed fingers, unsure where to go from there. Disappointment cast a familiar shadow as the unicorn’s magic began to slowly fade, but the search thus far had been exhausting and I wasn’t ready to throw my hands up just yet. I decided to take a different approach, asking specific questions instead of generalized ones, and the answers I got in return were exactly what I was looking for. This unicorn was submissive, and like the other one I recently met, doesn’t like pain or anything that will leave marks. I told her not to worry because I’m no sadist. Well, mostly.

    Some kinksters would have judged her, calling it quits when it became obvious they were reading different editions of the BDSM dictionary, but I’m not a judgmental person. Except when it comes to dog porn, because that’s all kinds of fucked up. My point is, though, her misunderstanding of the vocabulary doesn’t make her version of BDSM any less valid than mine. That’s the thing that is so fantastically wonderful about kink; there is no rule book dictating strict guidelines. And each fetish can be characterized however your dirty little heart desires or custom fit to meet your definition, whatever it may be. Take anal play, for example. Some kinksters view anything involving the anus as scat play. But that’s their definition, not mine. To me, scat play is excrement with intent. It’s also a hard limit of mine. Like super hard.

    There are times, though, when differences in dialect mean that a person’s newbie is showing, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean they’re wrong. It just means they’re still learning the ropes. There are no workshops giving demonstrations on the correct way to be kinky, no online classes that give concrete vocabulary that’s used by all kinksters. Each kinkster goes through their own trial, error and research when trying to find their kinky way. But what makes a star student is the willingness to learn. Besides, we all started somewhere, right?

    I’ve had my fair share of judgement from the kinky community and it’s a hard pill to swallow. Whether it’s from fellow bloggers who believe my relationship with Mr. K is destined for failure because we chose a monogam-ish relationship, or from people who find it surprising I don’t have incontinence issues from anal sex; their uneducated assumptions cause my cleavage to flush around my bedazzled blade. In my opinion, criticism is an ill-fitting mask worn in an attempt to cover-up insecurities. It’s an ugly affliction to bare. Kind of like the Elephant Man, but way worse.

    It’s part of the American identity that we think for ourselves. It’s what makes us individuals. It’s also what allows us to make the choices that are a good fit for our needs, so if the unicorn’s idea of BDSM differs from mine, that’s okay. It doesn’t mean hers isn’t right. It’s right for her and that’s what matters. And if I had halted the conversation because of the communication mix up in the beginning, I wouldn’t know that she has experience and specific hard limits. She just didn’t know there was an identifying term for them.

    We’re all kinksters following our own definitions. We’re supposed to be open minded, free thinking and embracing. I think sometimes we forget that.

     


  5. I want to see you cry

    May 7, 2013 by Heather Cole

    My head wasn’t in our game, and I didn’t have a lot to say. I felt like I was waiting for something, perhaps an idea that would set free the heavy weight of emotion that sat in my chest. Or a word from sir that would unlock the chains I had wrapped around the unfamiliar sadness. I was grappling to understand the source of my upset, and even though I knew that I needed to concentrate on our game, I was stuck.

    We began on my bed, missionary position, and I suggested that he take off his button down shirt. The shirt was stiff, a barrier, and I needed skin on skin. I lay on top of the quilt, my naked body sprawled over the precise squares of blue and red, waiting for him to disrobe. When he returned, though, the tone of the game had changed. His expression was serious, the smile gone from his eyes. Resolute was the word that came to my mind, and I knew we would be exploring new territory between us. The thought made me nervous.

    He grabbed my left breast first, one large hand forming it into a fleshy mound. His other hand drew back and slapped my nipple. The pain made me gasp. It was sharp and immediate, and I barely had time to prepare for the next slap. I struggled to cope with the pain and maintain my position. My nipples were on fire as the edge of his hand dragged forward and backward over my sensitive skin. Breast torture wasn’t new to me, but sir’s intense focus on hurting me was.

    I intuited that he was thinking about slapping my face, but I hadn’t convinced myself that he would actually do it. I assumed he played like this with his other partner, but we had never specifically discussed it. Part of me was still shocked that he would want to slap me. It’s an ingrained premise that we don’t hit the ones we love which was why my brain stumbled over the thought. I had always wondered what a face slap would feel like but never had the experience.

    I almost didn’t see it coming, his open palm hitting the fleshy part of my left cheek and the backhand catching my right cheekbone and nose. It hurt more than I had imagined, the pain bright and stinging, and I saw stars for a moment. Tears welled in the corners of my eyes. I wouldn’t meet sir’s gaze as I tried to marshall my breathing.

    “Are you afraid of me?” he asked as his cock plunged into me.

    “Yes, sir.”

    For the first time I was. Not in a way that made me fear for my well-being, because I could always say “red.” I could use my safeword and the scene would halt, and I would be swept into sir’s arms for comfort. But I wasn’t ready for comfort. I loved the feeling of anticipation of the next slap while fearing it at the same time. I winced instinctively as he drew back his hand, but there was no way I wanted our scene to end prematurely. Whatever was happening in this moment between us was working loose the vice-like grip I had on my emotions, and I wanted to ride this out for the fulfillment of us both.

    When I could meet his eyes again, our game had shifted but it was because of me this time. My engaging, willful self went into the background to be replaced by my slave self. My slave self is calm like the eye of a storm, watchful and enduring. She welcomes suffering and submits over and over again. I wouldn’t describe myself as passive when I’m in this place of deep submission, but I’m less verbal and more watchful.

    Sir grabbed my face, keeping eye contact. “I want to see you cry.” He slapped me again, and I did exactly as he commanded. “Now you feel like my slave.”

    I remained silent until I asked permission to come, but even my orgasm was a quiet one. Finally sir pronounced himself finished even though he was still hard. I let him roll me onto my side, and his arms came around me.

    It took me awhile to come back to myself. Sir held me and murmured soothing words. He described the change in me when I mentally stopped struggling to comprehend the fact that he wanted to slap me and merely endured his attentions instead. Through our conversation I gradually resumed my usual persona. I agreed that our experience had been amazing, and I reassured him that the slapping had been a great experience. Because believe it or not, even sadists need reassurance that they’re not terrible people for wanting to hurt you. The intensity of our interactions had ushered me into the deepest part of my submission, and even though I enjoyed playing in the deep waters, it took me awhile to disentangle myself from the murky depths.

    Something emotional had shaken loose during our scene. The sadness that I had felt before was now in full bloom. Its exact definition and cause were still vague, but I could now embrace it. It rapidly became clear to me that the chains I had weighing down my emotional morass were now in pieces, and I was feeling it. ALL of it.

    “You seem so sad,” he said when he kissed me goodbye.

    “I am, but I don’t know why yet.”

    “Please tell me when you do. I want to talk about it,” he said.

    “We will,” I promised.

    I always try to keep my promises.

     


  6. Slave Hunt

    May 4, 2013 by Heather Cole

    slave hunt

    I was naked, my wrists encircled by thick leather cuffs and tied high above my head with rope. The sun was hazy behind the clouds, and a slight breeze caressed my naked breasts. I could see stretches of bare skin beside me, another naked woman tethered to the same wooden post. She shrieked as she shied away from her tormentors, and I glimpsed a modified cattle prod skim her upper thigh. I made a mental note to include cattle prods on my list of hard limits at next year’s Slave Hunt.

    There were a dozen of us tied to whipping posts, our hard limits printed on white cards above our heads. Mine read: no penetration, no food, no glitter, no Wanderella’s diamond plated broadsword (which was a moot point, because Wanderella had a heavy duty rubber paddle the size of my torso instead.) Everything else was encouraged, but I wasn’t afraid for my safety. LH would be with me most of the time at the post, and my girlfriend was there too. Plus I had the safeword “asparagus” that would halt everything if I became overwhelmed. No, I didn’t pick it.

    The beauty of the slave hunt was that it was the closest I could get to being hunted and captured without being in any real danger. Bounties were offered by the submissives, we were turned loose into the woods, and sadists with paintball guns hunted us. It didn’t matter that I had signed a waiver, declared my hard limits and wore a paintball mask for safety reasons. My survival instincts kicked in hard when the air gun signaled an end to our lead time. The feeling is primordial–fight or flight. Adrenaline shot through my veins and I ran.

    The hunting ground was a small section of woods on a private property, and there were few places to hide. My sneakers made little noise against the thick layer of pine tags, but my breathing was hot and loud inside the mask. I had a moment right before we were signaled to run, a feeling of crystalline awareness of internal preparation. I was readying myself, and despite the jitters I experienced on the surface, my body was preparing physically and mentally for subspace. Whether it had been conscious on our parts or not, LH had been training me for this hunt. Every scene we had gave me more experience, and as he tested my limits, he gave me the skills to go deeper and adapt better. It was our first public outing as Master and slave, and I wanted to make him proud. More importantly, I wanted to prove to myself that “pain slut” wasn’t just another pretty title.

    I had no intention of winning my heat. I wanted to avoid a paintball welt by surrendering, happily giving up my cinnamon rolls to my captor (not a euphemism). My real goal was the whipping post and the strangers that wanted to torture me. Anyone could touch me as long as they honored my limits. My true challenge was whether or not I could manage the pain they were eager to inflict.

    LH began my warmup at the post with his flogger. The rhythmic thud of the leather against my back lured my brain into silence and pushed me into the quiet place where I go in a scene. When Angel stood beside me, one of the post monitors, I barely registered her request to play with me. Her crop smacked my thighs as she smiled up at me. I think she said I was pretty right before her teeth sank into my left breast. I exhaled loudly through my nose, and I had a second to adjust before she let go and grabbed my nipple between her teeth. The exquisite pain of teeth cutting into me stole all coherent thought. I moved with her as she pulled to the left until I felt another set of teeth fasten on my ear. I was suspended on a gossamer thread of pain, rendered immobile.

    “Why aren’t you moving?” Angel demanded.

    “Because I have her ear.” The voice was a deep rumble behind me.

    She looked at me and grinned. “What do you want to lose–your ear or your nipple?”

    “You mean I have a choice?” I asked.

    The sadists laughed, releasing me, and I forced myself to breathe and move back into position. Pain lanced through my abused ear and nipple, but I refused to take stock of any injuries. This was just the beginning. The air held a carnival-like feeling, and a crowd of people surrounded the posts, talking and heckling. I had forty-five minutes to endure before the next heat was bagged and brought into camp. I permitted myself to scan the crowd to find my girlfriend, and she smiled at me in encouragement. I could do this.

    The man who grabbed my ear, Kuma, struck me with a rod that came from a set of Venetian blinds. I didn’t know that’s what it was until later. Caning, regardless of the material, can offer a sharp, cutting pain depending on how it’s applied. It can steal your breath and deliver a pain so sharp that you’re jerked to the surface like a trout from the water. I tried not to anticipate the strike, which would lead to fear and cause me to lose subspace, but focused instead on my body’s reaction. My mantra was “accept the pain and disperse it.” Kuma’s voice was low and soothing as he hit me, and he asked LH if I normally “dropped” this fast. For a second I was confused, but then I realized he was referring to the fact that I was already in subspace. I was in the zone. There were shrieks all around me, but I couldn’t watch anyone for long because a different man began florentine flogging me.

    I had been introduced to him earlier in the afternoon. He had an open smile and a leather duffel bag overflowing with floggers, canes and other toys of torment. He had a beautiful whip that he showed me, and watching his hands caress the tan hide made me think decidedly explicit thoughts about other things those hands could do. When he asked to play with me at the post, I practically orgasmed on the spot. It was my first florentine experience, but really, that man could use anything on me and I’d be thrilled.

    “Wow. You can take that?” he asked after hitting me with a silicon rod sporting a glittery rainbow core.

    I didn’t turn to look over my shoulder at him, trusting LH to gauge my reactions. When LH said, “yes she can” there was another blow to my ass. And another.

    At one point he and LH both had floggers and were hitting me at the same time, and I had the stray thought that it had become a fun competition. Who could hit Heather the hardest? I rocked forward on the balls of my feet from the combined impact, and I did a mental scan of my body. Nothing hurt too much, but I could feel the heat radiating from my abraded skin. LH’s hand came to rest at the base of my neck as his other hand moved between my thighs. His fingers rubbed tight circles over my clit until I was gasping, begging him to let me come. I leaned into him and let the orgasm take me, my mind and body overwhelmed by sensation.

    Eventually LH gave me over to my girlfriend, because he wanted to check on his play partner. It was a relief to hear Liri’s voice in my ear when she told me what a good girl I was. I wasn’t screaming or protesting. When I saw the grin on her face, though, I knew it wasn’t over. “I can’t believe they’re neglecting your tits,” she said.

    That woman slaps tits harder than any dude I know.

    After I was taken down from the post, I floated high on endorphins and the pleasure of a job well done. Eventually I found clothes, and LH and I delivered my cinnamon rolls and chocolate chip cookies to the sadist who captured me. He sent me the nicest thank you note:

    “It was quite nice slinging a real woman over my shoulder and carrying her up the hill. The cinnamon rolls are beyond fucking amazing. Like mouth watering bliss in a sticky cinnamon bun. Amazing skills right there. Thank you so very much for such a treat.”

    The entire day was a treat–a glorious day of firsts. I participated in my first hunt. I had my first public scene with new players, and we attended our first community event as Master and slave. I’m sure it must seem odd to some people that I would derive such pleasure from public submission and pain. I couldn’t tell you why that works for me, but I’m pleased as punch no matter how you slice it. I’m a pain slut, y’all. It’s what we do.

     


  7. A Field Guide to Hunting Unicorns

    May 2, 2013 by Nikki Blue

    According to the Urban Dictionary, a unicorn is a bisexual person, usually (though not always) female, who is willing to join an existing couple, often with the presumption that this person will date and become sexually involved with both members of that couple, and not demand anything or do anything which might cause problems or inconvenience to that couple. They are mystical, magical creatures, and the pursuit and capture of them can be quite tricky. For Mr. K and I it has been a time consuming and incredibly frustrating safari, and it seems we’ve encountered one disappointing let down after another. There were times we considered giving up the search for a unicorn altogether, questioning the legitimacy of their existence.

    We’ve been hunting them for awhile now and contrary to popular belief, most unicorns don’t have tell-tale marks separating them from the masses, making them easy to spot. They’re not covered in glitter, and they don’t wear pink leather chaps. They are masters in the art of camouflage, and they blend in well among soccer moms and business professionals. There are also different species of unicorns and it’s impossible to distinguish where they fall until you’ve already invested a significant amount of energy into learning their manner. Are they a true unicorn whose knowledge of the Unicorn Handbook is not to be trifled with? Or are they newbies with a holier-than-thou attitude when answering your sext?

    Mr. K longs to experience the magical properties of a unicorn. He wants to pet one and play with it and watch it bow its silky nose in deference to my kick-ass unicorn domination skills. Although I want to fulfill the fantasy for him, sifting through all of the fakes and wingnuts is exhausting, y’all. So, if you’re considering your own quest for the elusive unicorn, the following may save you wasted effort and a tremendous headache. Oh, and bulk up on patience because you’re gonna need it. LOTS of it.

     

    • Unicorns see in magic color vision, so when meeting one for the first time it’s best to wear colors that hold their attention, such as pinks and purples.

     

    • Unicorns love Skittles because they’re the colors of rainbows, obviously.

     

    • Some unicorns are attracted to shiny things and designer bags.

     

    • If a unicorn makes excuses about meeting face to face after sexy emails have been exchanged, or disappears altogether, they’re a dude.

     

    • When the unicorn’s cell phone in their profile photo has an antenna, odds are good that the selfie is WAY outdated.

     

    • Tasers work best in the apprehension of unicorns. They’re more discreet and less bloody than crossbows or so I’ve heard.

     

    • If a unicorn asks to move into your home as a nanny to your kids before ever setting eyes on you, she may have inhaled too much glitter over the years and is now cray-cray.

     

    • If a unicorn says that all play must be bareback because of her “allergy to all condoms,” RUN.

     

     
    Last week, I had a lunch date with a unicorn Mr. K and I recently met on a swinger site. We made arrangements to meet at a neutral location and I wore white jeans because hello, white jeans. And because the myth of unicorns states that they’re lured into captivity by a virgin dressed in white.

    Virgin… *snort*

    Anyway, I chatted with the unicorn about failed marriages, kids, careers and alligators. Her confession that she likes rope play surprised me and I might’ve purred when she said she is submissive in the bedroom. She was, however, quick to point out that she doesn’t like pain, which was a broad statement that I felt needed clarification. Does she consider nipple clamps pain? Spanking? Tit slapping? Being tied to a chair and forced to watch Twilight repeatedly?

    “Define pain.”

    She laughed when I asked, saying all of the above were acceptable except for anything that would leave marks. And sparkly vampires. She’s funny, she has quite a bit of swinging experience, and seems to have a firm grasp of unicorn-ing. She also understands that when Mr. K is in town our time together is precious and she respects that. She is looking forward to meeting us both for a drink to see if they click too.

    The perfect unicorn doesn’t exist (except for my soulmateclone), and the idea of a perfect one is an unattainable fantasy. The right unicorn is a reality, though, and both the hunter and the unicorn should be selective, taking the necessary time to make sure the situation is a good fit for all involved. Is this unicorn the right one for us? Only time will tell for sure, but right now we’re waiting patiently with our family sized bag of Skittles, and when all systems are go, we’ll cast our magic net made from pure fairy dust. Organic, of course.

     


  8. A Heart Project Post by Karen Blue

    April 26, 2013 by Nikki Blue

     I picked my lips for the wall of hearts because I fucking love them. I think they are my best feature. They are big and full, they are where my thoughts spill out from. My mouth articulates my words. My lips are crooked and my smile is uneven, and I love that. They are flawed in the most lovely way. ~ Karen Blue

     

    Karen Blue

     

     

    Want more Karen Blue? You can find her at KissinBlueKaren where she gives advice and insight into the life of a true swinger.

     


  9. Sex on the Battlefield: A Heart Project Post by Anna Sansom

    April 23, 2013 by Nikki Blue

    This post was written by the fantastically amazing, Anna Sansom of  The Ladygarden Project and has been reblogged from Eat the Damn Cake with her permission. This is Anna’s contribution to our Heart Project to promote positive body image and we can’t thank her enough for participating. 

    **********************************************

    I was 15. I was horny. And I knew I would never have sex. I knew I was doomed to stay celibate forever because no one – man or woman – would ever find my body worthy of love.

    The evidence stared back at me from the mirror: my body was ugly, misshapen, alien. At 15 my body was covered in angry, red stretch marks from puberty’s overnight arrival. My sacrificial body hadn’t stood a chance. Puberty had roughly torn my skin apart wherever it could: my hips, breasts, upper arms, the backs of my knees, my upper thighs.  It wasn’t just my skin that failed to keep up with puberty’s rampage: my breast tissue ballooned, the ligaments strained, gravity won the day, and the result was long, stretched breasts. I never had pert, round, youthful breasts.  My nipples always pointed down, my breasts sagged: pendulous.

    Puberty dealt me another cruel blow: acne on my chest and back that left me with white polka-dot scars across my shoulders and in my cleavage.

    I was 15 and my body looked like a battlefield.

    I was 15 and I weighed over 200lbs.

    And yet, at 15, I was horny.

    Fast forward two and a half decades and I can reflect on a series of lovers. Each one found me beautiful and desired me. Each one respected me and treated me well. How did that happen?

    This isn’t a story of miraculous transformation. I wasn’t the ugly duckling who became the swan.I didn’t have an epiphany that suddenly made me see my own, internal beauty (‘cos it’s what’s on the inside that counts, right?). My body will always wear her scars. I currently weigh over 200lbs.

    This is the story of a horny 15 year old who knew that sexuality was important to her. The 15 year old refused to accept a lifetime of celibacy (or being non-discerning about who qualified to be a lover because anyone would be better than no one).

    The 15 year old who thought she’d never get laid lost her virginity at age 18. By age 18 I’d become aware that it wasn’t the sex that was important; it was expressing my sexual self that was key. It wasn’t just about feeling horny; it was about knowing that this sexual part of me was an important part of me, and a part that should not be ignored or stifled but rather explored and celebrated. By the time I was 18 I couldn’t bear to hide and deny my true self any more.  I took a deep breath, looked past what was in the mirror, and stepped out onto the path that led me straight to my needs and desires.

    I now realise that my acute awareness of the importance of my sexual expression was (and continues to be) a gift. When I unwrapped the gift and peered inside, I saw body acceptance.

    Sometimes I forgot I’d been given this gift. I put my body through punishing diets and exercise regimes in an effort to change what I saw in the mirror. I berated it and called it names when it was too slow, too fat, too different from how a woman’s body was supposed to look.

    But each time I undressed for my lover, each time I caressed my own skin, each time I made love, I remembered the gift. I remembered that I only have one body and that I can be thankful for that body and all it enables me to do. I remembered that there is nothing wrong with me: I am perfectly and uniquely “me”. And when that is good enough for me, it is good enough (more than enough) for my lovers too.

    I’ve never lost my fascination and passion for sexuality. The 15 year old has matured and developed into a woman on a mission to support other women to enjoy their own bodies and their own sexuality. I want women to celebrate their sexual selves and I promote this through my blog The Ladygarden Project. I also want women to enjoy sex and their bodies now – not deferring it until sometime in the future when they feel slim/beautiful/sexy/worthy enough, or to relegate it to something that only exists in their past. I encourage women to be Sexy at Any Size through my website and workshops – supporting women to feel sexy and sexual whatever the size and shape of their body (this goes for age and stage of life too).

    The gift of body acceptance is not time-limited. It’s not dependent on being a certain size or shape, or of looking a certain way.  And it is a gift that multiplies. The more we use it, the more we share it, the more it grows.

    One lover beautifully described the lines on my belly as being like the ripples on a pond when a pebble has been dropped in. Body acceptance has a ripple-effect. The more we accept our own bodies, and enjoy them just as they are, the more those around us accept their own bodies too.

     

    I Heart my Belly

    Bellies are supposed to be smooth and flat. Unblemished. Youthful. But by age 16, puberty had left me with deep, angry red stretch marks that criss-crossed my belly.

    For as long as I have been a sexual adult, my body has been scarred and my belly has had its characteristic roundness. And I am perfectly happy with that.

    “Tiger stripes,” said one lover as he traced my lines. “You’re a tiger.”

    “Like when a pebble’s been dropped into a pool,” said another as she kissed my belly button.

    I heart my belly. 

     

    Anna belly heart

     

     

    I Heart my Boobs

    For my 26th birthday I gave myself the gift of nipple piercings. I’d had an uneasy relationship with my breasts: bad PMT meant they’d always caused me more pain than pleasure. The piercings heightened the sensitivity in my nipples and helped me to enjoy my breasts much more. I designed jewellery for them and wore it with pride.

    I took the piercings out two years later – it was simply the right time.

    Now, with or without piercings, I heart my breasts.

     

    Anna boobs heart


  10. Opinion: Sisters and Slaves

    April 18, 2013 by Heather Cole

    I love Dan Savage, so when Zen sent me this link today, I eagerly read to see what Dan had to say in this letter regarding a woman’s sister and her new slave:  SAVAGE LOVE Letter of the Day

    Clearly the focus of Dan’s response was about the sister’s assertion that her coming out as a Domme to her family was similar to someone of the LGBTQ community revealing their sexual orientation. In this regard, both Dan and I are in agreement. I don’t think it’s the same thing at all. In my experience, it was a thousand times more difficult for me to tell my mother that I was bisexual and in love with a woman than it was to tell her I was kinky. Maybe at some point down the road I will choose not to be in a M/s dynamic. I can never not “choose” to be bisexual. It’s my fervent wish for public tolerance when I hold my girlfriend’s hand at a concert, and I hope that someday our government recognizes our rights as a couple some day. I don’t expect that sort of recognition from the law for my BDSM lifestyle. (Although it would be nice for my state to acknowledge and honor that I’m consenting in writing to a caning.) But contrary to what Dan wrote, I’m not looking for permission from the general public to have sex in front of them.

    That’s where Dan and I disagree. I don’t think that a Master/slave dynamic is all about kinky sex. Of course it’s a huge part, and naturally, there are dynamics where that is the primary focus of activity. What lies at the heart of a M/s dynamic is obedience. Some of us hope for love, trust and loyalty as well, but above all there is obedience and submission. Humiliation can play a part, sometimes a big part, but all of the Masters and slaves that I know act like traditional couples everywhere. Because here’s the kicker, the power exchange exists in every day life in all sorts of couples, kinky AND traditional. As much as we get off playing our roles of Master and slave, we also want to have a life beyond our play space and that means complying with society’s rules, not to mention the law.

    What’s unclear in the letter is if the sister was bringing her slave in his latex gimp suit with a collar and leash or if they were attending the family gathering in reindeer sweaters and khakis. Was she going to ask him to get her more stuffing or was she going to dump the stuffing on the floor and order him to lick it off her shoe after she stepped in it? I have a lot to say about the gimp suit and stuffing humiliation, because through my own experiments with submission in public, there is a boundary when my fetish in public forces you (a passerby) to participate. The latter isn’t consensual which is a huge no-no in the BDSM community. She shouldn’t force her parents to safeword over the green bean casserole, because she’s making the slave her footstool. And that’s the biggest question here for me: was she forcing her kink on others?

    I understand wanting acceptance from those nearest and dearest to you. I wanted the same thing from my mother when I first told her I was kinky, but I told her my definition of kinky in broad strokes. I also sent her a book to help her understand where I was coming from. However, I don’t tell my mom the naked details about what I do with Zen, my traditional bf. I’m just as reticent about describing my role as a slave. What I do in the privacy of my bedroom is saved for you, my darling Vagina readers. Mama can always subscribe to our RSS feed.

    ~Heather