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‘Interviews’ Category

  1. The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50: An Interview with Joan Price

    January 30, 2015 by Heather Cole

    When we were asked if we would be interested in reading Joan Price‘s latest book, The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50: How to Maintain – or Regain – a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life, HELL YES was our response. But because sex and aging is such an important topic to us, we didn’t just want to review the book, which is incredible- no, no -we wanted to interview Joan. Hey, it’s how we roll. So read, enjoy, and trust me when I say you need this book. Also, if you purchase a copy directly from her website, she’ll autograph it. How sweet is that? And if you haven’t already, please check out Joan’s blog, Naked at Our Age, where she’s talking about and celebrating the joys of senior sex.

    ~Nikki

    *************************

     Dear Joan,

    Before I begin my interview questions, I have to say THANK YOU. Your words helped me uncover a piece of myself and my expectations about sex as I grow older. It has been a very interesting couple of days as I read your guide and asked my partner questions about the topics that presented themselves.

    When I started your guide about sex and aging, I considered myself outside of your target audience. I’m in my early forties, so I was “safe” from those misconceptions and myths, right? Oh was I so, so wrong. As I began reading through the myths listed at the beginning of the guide, I felt uncomfortable, like I was poking a tender place that I hadn’t known existed.

    It turned out that sex and aging is actually an issue for me. I’m a sex blogger and erotica author. My sexuality and sex life get a spotlight on a regular basis, and the idea of aging, even though I know that everyone is doing it, worries me. I’m in my forties now, but what happens in my fifties and beyond?

    The idea for Vagina Antics was born in the demise of my marriage. I was almost 40 and about to embark on a new world of dating and sex. I begged Nikki to go on the sex blogging journey with me, because what set us apart was that we are older, single mothers, who had stretch marks and an unholy love of donuts. And we were going to do all this for the second time around, and it was all new again. That identity has become central to how I see myself. So now as my body changes, and boy howdy has it in some significant ways, I feel a fear for what’s to come. Well, I felt a fear but didn’t want to admit it until I read your book.

    (And now I’m laughing at myself)

    I read your guide in parts to my partner in bed. He seemed completely surprised that I was worried about getting older and what would happen to our sex life. We are kinky and live a BDSM lifestyle, and at one point in our discussion I exclaimed, EVERYTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE. His reply was… of course it is. His solution was that we would buy even more lube and that we’d rule out the sexual positions that hurt our joints. Ah… the practicality of men. 🙂

    I really can’t thank you enough for writing your guide and agreeing to be featured on Vagina Antics. You’ve opened up a new realm of discussion for us here on the blog and personally. So thank you again, and on with my questions. (apologies in advance for my rambling)

    Hugs!

    ~Heather

    Interview Questions:

    In the beginning of your Ultimate Guide to Sex Over Fifty, you list common myths and misconceptions about sex and aging. It was this quote that made me first sit up and really listen. “I used to think that if we all banded together and refuted the ick factor, we’d change society. We’d lead the parade of women and men proclaiming our right to joyful sex, and soon everyone would acknowledge that we can be sexy at any age. We’d celebrate aging, rather than bemoaning it.”

    1.  This was a huge revelation to me, because up until this point, I had refused to even consider (or envision) sex in my sixties and beyond. I was very unconscious about this decision, and your guide was a pleasant slap in the face that I needed to wake up and pay attention. (I’m the type of woman who enjoys that type of thing.) Anyway! *cough* How does one begin looking at age and sex differently and challenging the messages that society and the media give us? Obviously buying your guide is a great place to start. But how do you revise the vision, and empower yourself, for your sex life after 50? When did you do that for yourself? Or did you always know that you’d be sexually fulfilled no matter the age?

    We start by challenging the message from society and the media that sex is the domain of the young, that we’re weird or pathetic if we’re still sexually joyful after 60, 70, 80. We do that by talking out loud about it. I don’t mean that we have to disclose intimate details to the world – just that we stand up with the sex-positive attitude, “Hey, we don’t have an expiration date. We can enjoy sex through our whole lives. And so can you.” I’ve had interviewers tell me that they don’t like to picture their aging mothers/grandmothers as sexual beings. I say, “At what age do you plan to retire your genitals?”

    No, I never thought about older age sexuality when I was young. I actually never thought much about getting older at all!

    1. Myth #3 is “If I’m not feeling the drive to have sex anymore, it’s not worth the bother, so I might as well just let it go.”

     

    Hell, I know women in their thirties that say this. Our hormones change as we age, so how do you recommend that we manage those feelings of, “this is beyond my control and happens to all women/men at my age?”

    We can acknowledge that it happens, but as you read in The Ultimate Guide to Sex after Fifty, there are many ways to address the lack of drive. We may not feel the biological drive that we felt when our hormones raged, but that’s not the only reason to enjoy sex! It’s good for pleasure, for health, for intimacy, for stress relief, for a sense of wellbeing. It makes us feel good, makes us laugh, and helps us sleep better! The point is to learn ways to overcome the sexual inertia that we may feel when the drive slows down. We can make a commitment to nurturing our sexuality.

    3.  Myth #5 is “A man who can’t have a dependable erection cannot satisfy his partner or enjoy himself.

    Preach! I started hearing apologies about “lackluster” penis behavior from men in the 40’s, and instead of worrying about what we would do in the bedroom, I felt a deep compassion for what they had deemed shameful and embarrassing. You quote sex journalist Michael Castleman and define this as “erection dissatisfaction.” In fact, you devote an entire chapter to Sex Without Erections. This is a super-sensitive area of discussion for many men. What do you recommend as the best way to begin a dialogue with your partner regarding erection dissatisfaction? There are many other options besides erection pills. Would you talk more about that to our readers? (You wrote about using a strap on and I squealed with joy!)

    I’m delighted that I made you squeal for joy! Bringing up the topic is very hard for men. If we’re partnered with a man, we can ease into the conversation by letting him know that we understand that erections aren’t dependable at our age, and that’s really okay, because we can have great sensual and sexual pleasure with hands, mouths, and sex toys. Rather than introduce the anxiety over whether the erection will happen or stay hard long enough for penetration, let’s just have sex in all these other ways.

    If this is a new relationship, the penis owner may be especially anxious. It’s helpful to say while stroking his body (all over, not just genitals, but not excluding genitals either), “Are you enjoying the sensations from my touch? Then just relax and enjoy.” Welcome him to explore how to please you without an erect penis, too. The better you can communicate what you like, the more relaxed he’ll be.

    Of course there’s a lot more in the book about sex without erections – as you said, an entire chapter!

    4.  Sex and Safety – This is a HUGE hot button for me. It should be a hot button for everyone! One would assume that barrier sex would be assumed for all ages, but it’s not. You state some scary statistics that point to the opposite in your guide. Toys need to be safe too when using them with other people! What ways do you find it’s easiest to bring up protection when dating someone new? What are your guidelines regarding keeping toys safe?

    Bring it up after the first hot kisses and wandering hands, but before the clothes are off. Being direct is simplest, like, “Let’s talk about safer sex. I always use barrier protection.” If it’s clear that sex will be happening very soon, “Let me show you the condoms I have – do you have a favorite?”

    Toys that go into more than one orifice or into more than one person’s orifice need to wear condoms and the condoms need to be changed between orifices. Wearing the FC2 receptive condom (aka female condom) is another way to stay safe when using a toy (or a penis) with more than one vagina or anus at a time, without having to change the condoms, since there’s no exchange of fluids.  

     *************************

    Hi Joan!

    I’ll get straight to the nitty gritty.

    “As a woman nearly sixty, I can say with certainty that there are days when I feel like the “hot thang” who stopped traffic back in the day – other days I feel like the detour sign.”

    I’m knocking on the door of 45 and I can totally relate to that statement. It’s so easy to let that detour sign beat us down to where we are stuck in the rut of feeling far from the sexual being we once were.

    I recently read where Erica Jagger wrote that she requested an STD workup during her well-woman visit at her gynecologist. She was stunned, as were her readers, when her female doctor told her she wouldn’t need to worry about that for much longer because women usually stop having sex around the age of 65. Why do you think doctors discount or even disapprove of sexuality in aging women?

    I’m furious about Erica’s doctor’s comment. I have a whole chapter on doctors – why they’re uninformed, how to ask questions, how to get the information you need. Doctors not only don’t get the training in older-age sexuality, but they’re people, too, with their own misconceptions and prejudices. We have to let them know that yes, we are still sexual beings, and no, it’s not okay to dismiss us.

    And finally, I’m curious. When you speak at engagements, are there a large number of men in attendance? What is the most common question you’re asked by them?

    Oh yes, men want to learn. They want to understand their own changes and their partners’ changes. I’m asked about erections, desire, how to please a long-term partner when the sex has grown stale, whether they should be worried if a partner can’t orgasm without a vibrator, how to communicate, what new things they can try, when and how to bring up sex when dating – and so much more.

    As Heather said above, thank you for speaking out so passionately about such an important topic. I’ve often wondered how I will approach sexual issues as they arise in the future, and now I know.

    *boob smooshes*

    ~Nikki

     *************************

    Thank you both for treating this topic so seriously and for including your own personal reactions. I love that the conversation is now open!

    Joan

    Joan Price headshot Joan Price Sex After 50

    “Living ‘happily ever after’ may be the stuff of fairy tale endings, but in this forthright and important book, Joan Price shows us how ‘sexy ever after’ can be a new beginning for the senior set.” —Ian Kerner, New York Times bestselling author of She Comes First

    Available for purchase here: JoanPrice.com and Amazon


  2. Kayla Lords is here!

    October 11, 2014 by Heather Cole

    Today we’re chatting up Kayla Lords: mother, author, sex blogger, and kinkster, not to mention a hundred other titles, including submissive to a loving Dominant. This is the time when we’re voting for our favorite sex bloggers, and I admit that I’m constantly lured to Kayla’s blog, A Sexual Being, on a regular basis. That woman knows some kinky fuckery. Let’s give Kayla a warm Vagina Antics welcome!

    Heh. Warm vagina. I SAID IT!

    ~A Further Note from Heather~

    Kayla sent me the press kit for her latest book released today, Bound by Love, which included two excerpts. I posted one of them, towards the bottom of this post, but the second one… well, it was so smokin’ hot that I had to leave my computer for some *cough* alone time. That girl can write. *fans self* 

     

    Heather:  On your bio, you hint at your sexual rebirth which happened in the aftermath of a divorce. You’re a mother of two as well. Nikki and I can both relate to that second-half-of-life overhaul. Can you tell us a little more about your sexual transformation?

    Kayla Lords: Ok, first of all…mmmmmm, warm vagina, mmmmmm. Sorry, I had to bask in the idea of that for a moment. Now, down to business.

    It happened slowly and yet, at the same time, it happened all at once. I have lived in my head for my entire life, always thinking, planning, processing, and making up stories. Since puberty hit, a lot of the stories in my head were sexual. While I was married, I figured it was normal to constantly fantasize about men other than my husband. During the divorce, I was basically an asexual hermit. I didn’t think much about sex, and God knows, I didn’t worry about it. Once I received the divorce papers, I went a little wild. I hooked up with a man 20 years my senior who only wanted weekly booty calls (which was fine with me). After that ended, I met up with an old flame from high school. He and I were SO wrong for one another (hindsight being what it is) but he’s the one who pointed out that I never climaxed with him. He could tell I was close, but I always held back. (The first guy didn’t notice or didn’t care.) He told me point blank that my lack of orgasms was a turn off.

    I was crushed. I had real (albeit fleeting) feelings for him, and I enjoyed sex with him. I turned the problem over in my head for a while. I’d been blogging in the vanilla world for a year or so, and I’d learned that I could blog my way through my problems, thoughts, concerns, and even obsessions. I decided I wanted to figure out how to have an orgasm (since as far as I could tell, I’d never had one) and that I would write about it because I knew I couldn’t possibly be the only one with this problem. I knew I couldn’t use my own name in case I was found by people in my professional world. I also decided I would use this opportunity to get the sexual stories in my head out of my head.

    From there the rest is sort of history. The more I “practiced” masturbating and learning how to let go enough to have an orgasm and the more I wrote and read erotic fantasies, the more comfortable I became with my own sexuality. Now, I forget that the me that lives in the vanilla world isn’t really supposed to talk about kinky sex and masturbation in public. (Oops!)

    Heather:  Is your story, The Adventures of Sir and Babygirl, similar to your journey with your current partner and Dominant? When did you know that you were kinky?

    Kayla Lords:  The identifying details are fairly different but yes, the story is the tale of John Brownstone (aka Southern Sir) and myself. I base Sir’s emotions on what I see from my own Sir/Daddy and what I want him to feel and experience, too. But every emotion that Babygirl has is something I’ve felt at some point – even if the situation is completely different. Writing the books is both cathartic and extremely difficult. I feel like I open myself up even more than I do in my own blog within the book. Writing and then publishing the books makes me feel very vulnerable.

    I had an inkling I might be kinky (even though I didn’t know enough to use that term) when I was still blogging under my real name. I was lurking on all kinds of erotic blogs – refusing to comment but soaking it up. Once I started my blog and created my pen-name, I was free to read and comment where I wanted to. When that happened, a whole new world opened up to me. I loved reading blogs and stories that were BDSM in nature, especially Dominance and submission. I found myself on Tumblr staring at the most extreme photos, squirming in my chair, blushing, and looking over my shoulder to make sure no one could see what I was doing (note: it was midnight in my own home and my kids were asleep!). I’d only been blogging a few months when I finally admitted to myself and the world I might be submissive. When I met my first Dominant and had that experience, there was no doubt. I finally gave myself permission to admit that I like rough sex, I like pain, and I need to submit to a Dominant. The rest since then has been like going to Disney World and trying to decide what ride to go on first – I want to try it all (well, almost all).

    Heather:  What inspired you to start Masturbation Mondays, and how can bloggers/authors get involved?

    Kayla Lords:  Masturbation Monday, as a thing, came about because I’m obsessed with two things – people getting off and my website’s statistics. I get a rush when someone tells me my words made them masturbate or have sex (or at least want to do those things). I like writing something so hot I turn myself on, too. These days, I don’t masturbate without permission and I rarely ask because that’s taken care of for me – when He wants to. LOL

    But I also noticed that the days with the highest views on my site are on Mondays – when I use the hashtag #MasturbationMonday. And the posts with the most views throughout the week were usually Monday posts. I knew it wasn’t because I’m that good of a writer. I knew it had to be something about the hashtag itself. I worked with John (aka SouthernSir) to create a site for Masturbation Monday and admittedly copied a lot of how Marie Rebelle formats Wicked Wednesdays each week (with slight differences).

    The idea is to give writers and bloggers a way to showcase their hot posts plus a reason to blog. The biggest lament from writers and bloggers is that they don’t know what to blog about – a foreign concept to me because I have too much content in my head and not enough time to write, lol. To participate, all anyone has to do is write a post about masturbaton or a post so erotic it makes someone want to masturbate, add a Masturbation Monday badge and link to their post, and then go to the Masturbation Monday weekly post and add their link. I encourage authors to join in by sharing a hot excerpt from a current release – but the focus needs to be on the content not just on selling a book.

    In return, I spend time each week promoting the Masturbation Monday site to writers and readers, and then I go through each post every Monday. I read, comment, and share each post with my own followers on Twitter and Facebook using the hashtag that started it all. I want people to discover new writers. I want writers to get new readers. And, above all, I want to get more people hot and bothered and wanting to masturbate. (For the record, the only “downside” to reading 10-15 erotic posts in one sitting is that I’m decidedly squirmy by the end with no permission to take care of business.)

    Nikki:  As a mother of two young ones, how do you balance parenting, writing, and your kinky lifestyle? Especially since you now live with your Sir.

    Kayla Lords:  The hardest balance is between writing and parenting. The kinky lifestyle isn’t hard at all to balance except that there’s never any time for the really kinky stuff. Let’s start with being kinky and parenting.

    I get this question a lot and I figure some of your readers wonder too (even though both of you do an excellent job of balancing it, from my perspective). Here’s the deal, y’all. I don’t crawl around on the floor, wear a collar, or flash my boobs when my children are around. That’s all private stuff – just like vanilla sex is private and shouldn’t be done in front of children. What my kids see is that I’m respectful to my Dominant, that I take care of him, and when he asks me to do something, I do it. If I disagree, it’s always in a respectful manner. They have no clue they’re seeing kink or a different lifestyle – they see two adults being courteous, respectful, loving, and even playful with one another. The rest is kept behind closed doors or for those really rare occasions when he and I are home but the boys aren’t. We’re already talking about the possibility of the boys visiting their grandparents for part of the summer when school lets out. If that happens, no one will hear from us for weeks because I’ll most likely be trussed up, ball-gagged, and strapped to the Hitachi just to make up for all the times we can’t be kinky.

    Ok, parenting and writing? Oh holy hell, that’s a major balancing act. In order to really write and feel good about it, I have to have complete silence so I can get lost in the words and simply create. I get about three hours a day of uninterrupted time to work – and unfortunately, most of that is spent on the vanilla writing that pays the bills. I have created elaborate ways to get my kinky writing done. Video games are my best friend, and I’ve taught my oldest how to get himself a drink and a snack. On Sunday’s, John plays interference for a couple of hours while I sit down and schedule all my blog posts for the week. After dinner, I might sit and write if it’s something I’ve told myself has to be done immediately – guest posts, contributor stuff, etc. In the afternoons, I might get a few hundred words written, but not even that if even one child is feeling rowdy or ornery. Case in point, answering these questions took 45 minutes longer than I thought it would because of homework, juice, Mario, and kids being kids. Next year will be easier because both boys will be in school all day.

    Nikki:  What is your long term vision for Kayla Lords, author and sex blogger extraordinaire?

    Kayla Lords:  Hmmm, long term? Well, I’d like to actually deserve the title “extraordinaire,” lol. I really enjoy writing and sharing my view of D/s, my erotic thoughts, and all the rest. I can’t imagine that ending any time soon.

    As an author, I hope I’m able to write, publish, and sell enough books that it becomes a viable income. I’m not trying to make a million dollars – simply help pay the bills. Right now, I make so little as an author that I simply pump that little bit I get back into the few costs I have as a writer – graphics, covers, etc. I have plans (very long term) to attend conferences and learn from my fellow writers – and maybe one day share what I’ve learned, too.

    As a blogger? I’d like to help teach people about what D/s looks like in a loving relationship. I’d like to be able to show people that it’s not scary or weird or deviant to want what we want. I’d like to be a good representative to the outside world of what kink can mean. I’m constantly seeking out writing opportunities (free and paid) to write about BDSM for different audiences. I am interested in speaking about it within the lifestyle – not to instruct someone on how to be submissive but to let them know that it’s not just fantasy, it’s real, and this is what it is from my perspective. I also want to help build a community of writers and readers who can learn from one another while still turning each other on.

    As a sexual submissive who lives and creates in the online world, I think I have a responsibility to the D/s community to be a good steward for the community. There’s so much really bad, dangerous information out there that those of us who write about the lifestyle have a duty to share the truth as we know it and to be examples for people. I hope, long term, I can continue to do that, but possibly on a larger scale.

    Nikki:  What are your thoughts on BDSM erotica’s staying power?

    Kayla Lords:  I think BDSM erotica is here to stay. As with anything, it’s popularity will ebb and flow. I’m not a huge fan of 50 Shades of Grey but even I can admit that it brought a lot of people to the lifestyle that might never have otherwise realized what BDSM is. I don’t mean the posers, fakes, and abusers (they were out there already, BDSM just gives them temporary cover until they’re outed). I mean the people who thought their kinky desires were somehow wrong or deviant, that there was something wrong for them for being who they are. There are always going to be people who enjoy some degree of kink – even if they don’t identify as kinky. There will always be people who see BDSM as a forbidden fruit – making it that much more tantalizing. Because of that, BDSM erotica will always be around in some form or fashion – just like it was before 50 Shades debuted. In a couple of years when the 50 Shades frenzy dies down, it’ll be something else, but there will always be someone writing about BDSM somewhere. Hell, I might still be writing kinky shit when I’m 90. You never know!

    Warm, squishy boob hugs to both of you for letting me come play in your freaky corner of the world today! And for giving me a reason to both read, write, and think the words “warm vagina.” Hugs, kisses, and boob flashes to you and all your readers!

     

    Congratulations, Kayla, on your latest release! I thoroughly enjoyed the first Sir and Babygirl story, so I’m super excited to read the next in the series. Thanks so much for talking with us today!

    Click below, y’all, and pick up your copy today!

    Bound_By_Love_cover__Finished (2)

     

     

     

    In the second set of adventures, Sir and Babygirl’s relationship, built on a mutual love of kink and a need for the dominance and submission lifestyle, must move forward or stagnate. Can Babygirl set aside her fears of heartbreak? Will Sir convince his sweet submissive that he loves her completely? And just how many erotic adventures can these two get into as they navigate their growing relationship?

    Find out in the sequel to The Adventures of Sir and Babygirl. This time, Sir and Babygirl are Bound by Love.

    Purchase Links:

    Amazon US: http://amzn.to/YifPW5

    Amazon UK: http://amzn.to/1rz6tku

    Barnes & Noble: http://bit.ly/1CG6zds

    Smashwords: http://bit.ly/ZgNxwb

    All Romance:  http://bit.ly/1xj8vWn

     

    Excerpt:  

    The door bell rang. Sir! Katie felt a mixture of relief and stress.

    “I’m so glad you’re here. But I’m so sorry too. The place is a mess. Olivia’s had one tantrum after the other this after – no nap, which is all my fault – and I don’t even have dinner started. I know you expected some-.”

    Sir placed one finger over Katie’s lips, silencing her. “Can I get in the front door, please, Babygirl?”

    Katie nodded. At the sound of Sir’s voice, she felt a sense of peace fill her. One wish had been granted at least. She was his Babygirl from the first word. He smiled as a look of calm washed over her face. Sir replaced his finger with his mouth, kissing her softly.

    Babygirl looked into his eyes, leaning in for more. Chuckling to himself, Sir wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, and devoured her mouth with his. Her lips parted, her tongue meeting his. He lapped at her tongue. Sharp teeth teased her lips. She responded with her entire body, wrapping her arms around his neck, standing on tip-toe, as if she would crawl inside of him if she could.

    Sir pulled away, smiling at Babygirl’s swollen lips. He gazed into her eyes, taking in the distant look that replaced the stressed one that greeted him moments before. Taking her hand, he lead her into the living room.

    Sir whistled between his teeth. “Damn. I didn’t realize one little girl could do so much damage.”

    With a slightly calmer tone than before, Babygirl recounted the afternoon’s adventures. As she spoke, tension filled her voice again. Sir snaked his hands over the back of her head, into her hair, and pulled. Her voice trailed off into a whimper.

    “Shhhhh, sweet girl. Sir is here now. We’ll deal with this together, ok?” She nodded, squirming and fidgeting. “Is something wrong, Babygirl?”

    She blushed a deep red. “You make me squirmy, Sir, when you do that.”

    “Do what, Babygirl?” He didn’t hide the amusement from his voice. “This?” He gripped her hair tighter and pulled her head back until she was looking into his eyes. She nodded, whimpering again.

    “You like that, huh? I’ll have to remember that for later.” Sir released his grip on her hair. “Now, let’s deal with the situation at hand, shall we? Can Olivia come downstairs?”

    Babygirl sighed. “I can’t leave her up there all night, I guess. Although finding some gypsies to sell her to isn’t the worst idea ever, either.” Sir tipped his head back as he laughed, long and loud.

     

    Social/Follow Links:

    Website: http://kaylalords.com

    Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/submissivekaylalords

    Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/KaylaLords

    Tumblr: http://a-sexual-being.tumblr.com

    Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/KaylaLords

     

     

     


  3. Writing Process Blog Hop

    April 28, 2014 by Heather Cole

    I was tagged by the naughty minx, Bella Bryce, an author in the domestic discipline fiction genre, to talk about my writing process. Bella and I became acquainted through Facebook and have had some hysterical interactions where she was mischievous, funny, and a talented writer. She also takes excellent photos of food. And we all know how I feel about food.

    I’m pleased to participate in this particular blog hop because Nikki and I don’t talk much about how we write. Usually we’re talking about sex or other people having sex or come in our eyes. Er, my eye. Today I have the opportunity to talk about what goes on behind the writing scenes, not only for our blog posts but also our books. Thank you, Bella! I hope we don’t disappoint. xoxo ~Heather

    1. What Am I Currently Working On? Currently I’m writing the TRILOGY THAT WILL NEVER END. Just kidding. It will end, dammit. Just not quite yet. I’m in the third short novella in a religious/BDSM trilogy: Sins, Penance, and the final installment, Absolved. The problem is that in the third book I’m at the edge of the denouement, and the hero declares that he doesn’t believe in God. <headdesk> The setting of my story takes place in an obscure Catholic sect that explores sexual congress as a path to discovering the divine. So to have my male lead volunteer that he doesn’t believe in God… well… sigh… I want them to have sex, not debate theology. To solve my stalemate, I went back to the first book to edit, hoping to find my character’s way again. I’ll let you know how that works out.

    2. How Does My Work Differ From Others in the Genre?  Well, it’s better. HA! I’m only sort of kidding about that. Erotica is a broad and varied genre, and I swear that there is something for everyone. I write short pieces, 10,000 – 13000 words, and my overall goal is to give the reader a quality viewpoint into a character’s sex life. Technically I don’t believe in Happily Ever After. Or perhaps it’s that my version of HEA looks different because of the BDSM/power exchange elements that I include. I want to offer an escape, but I want that escape to inspire genuine feeling. Sure, I want there to be orgasms, for my readers and my characters. But the thing I truly desire is for you, the reader, to walk away thinking about what a fantastic ride that was because of the feelings you’re left with. And maybe your soaked panties.

    3. Why Do I Write What I Do? I have a confession. One of my secret projects belongs in the Urban Fantasy/Paranormal genre. It’s a full-length novel, and I have a second novel-in-progress that is an older lady-detective story (imagine Golden Girls set in the south with a dash of magic). My day-to-day writing, though, is about sex. This blog is about sex, and as my master pointed out to me one fine day, I should be selling novels about sex. See? Perfect alignment. My secret projects are in medically induced comas for the moment while I capitalize on my sex life. Well, the creatively enhanced version of all the sexual adventures I would ever want to have in my head.

    4. How Does My Writing Process Work?  Writing is my job. Most of the time I love it, but there are days when every word feels like it was dragged out from underneath a giant boulder. I even wrote out a schedule to balance writing, my freelance work, my child, and my sir. Writing happens first thing in the morning for a couple hours, and then later in the afternoon, right before I begin cooking dinner. My brain, however, is always sifting through those words. My rough draft, the first version I commit to a document, is bare bones. It’s mostly ‘she went there and then she said this’, etc. It’s a framework of the idea built from the blueprint in my head. The rough draft is created to see if the building of a story will be able to stand. My next go-through is about stabilizing the foundation. I reexamine my characters’ motivations and the trajectory of the plot. There are more details that time around, and I add in more of the senses. I check to see if the feelings are portrayed effectively, and I dive into the crux of the theme. The last time through is more for tweaking and praying and maybe some crying before I send it to my editor. That’s also when I make sir read it and then plague him with endless questions, “Are you CERTAIN that you liked it? Did you think this was believable? How did it make you feel?” That might also include a caning for being annoying. Sooooo not kidding about that.

    For next week I nominate Nikki Blue. Because she’s my soulmate clone and deserves it.

    <snicker>

     


  4. A Friendly Interrogation with Molly from Molly’s Daily Kiss

    February 15, 2013 by Heather Cole

    When the screen blinks into existence, a room comes into view. A room with a large bed in the background and an armoire to one side. The lighting is subtle and it’s warm and inviting. But the most attractive part of the room is the woman seated in front of the screen. She’s wearing her collar, panties and nothing else, rope twisting tightly around her torso and legs, binding her to the chair. I try not to stare at her erect nipples. I mean, we haven’t been formally introduced. I’m not a complete savage!

    Nikki and I have been looking forward to our friendly interrogation with top UK sex blogger, Ms. Molly of Molly’s Daily Kiss, for weeks. We’ve even dressed the part. We’re wearing our knee socks and t-shirts, and I may have brought along my favorite riding crop. Not because I can physically reach Molly, but I believe in inspiration. We have ways of making her talk.

    Heather:  Molly, we are so thrilled to meet you! I can’t believe we’re getting the chance to actually talk and see one another! <girly squealing>

    Nikki:  Easy there, singing Sally. I did my hair for this.

    <leans closer to look at the computer screen> Jesus Christ. Why do I look so fucking white? I mean, I am caucasian and all, but damn.

    Heather: You’re so pale and the room’s all white… It looks like you’re Skyping from heaven. ARE YOU AN ANGEL?

    Nikki: Yeah, my halo’s sitting right here next to my butt plug. Focus, Heather.

    So, Molly. e[lust], tell us what we want to know.

    Heather: No, no, sugarpants! Let’s start at the beginning… <begins singing Do Re Mi> Sorry, I’m a sucker for Julie Andrews and nuns… BUT I DIGRESS!

    We’re dying to know, Molly, why start a sex blog? You ended your first January 2010 post with this: “Molly’s Daily Kiss could be anything from a peck on the cheek to a full on snog with tongues, so pucker up people and let’s see what 2010 brings.”

    What changes have happened to the blog, professional and personal, over these three years? Has your vision changed for it?

    Molly: I never had a ‘grand plan’ and to be honest I still don’t. I started the blog as a place to write, to give me some structure and purpose to my writing. I literally just went from one post to another, whatever flowed from my fingers is what got published. This all coincided with me meeting Sir on-line and then travelling to the USA to meet him for the first time and so that became a key part of my content for a while. It was a space to chronicle that relationship and our journey to finally being together in the same country. I guess it was our love story with all the juicy, dirty, D/s bits to colour the picture. It has always been a labour of love and it has always been instinctive. If it feels right, I do it!

    I think my plan for the future is to hold onto that and see where it continues to take me! I obviously have my own personal goals and achievements that I want to work on, but the rest is a big old exploration of opportunities and possibilities.

    Nikki: My turn. You manage a ton of different projects, including the Pussy Pride Project, Sinful Sunday, and now the recently acquired, e[lust]. Why take on a publication that seems to be a lot of work for very little thanks? Spill your secrets! Or we’ll beat them out of you. Um… by proxy. Your Dom’s on call, right?

    Molly:
    It is a good question and one I’ve asked myself A LOT. But at the end of the day, e[lust] is a great resource with a hell of a lot of potential. We have some exciting plans for building the site and bringing in more traffic which will benefit all the blogs that join in with the digest. I am a big believer in the wealth of talent and the force for good that the sex blogging community is, so taking on another project that nurtures that community feels like the right thing to do.

    Heather: <wishes Molly’s webcam would zoom in> You had your first photography exhibit last weekend. Have you always taken pictures? *taps riding crop against the computer screen* Tell us about some of your favorites.

    Molly: I have not always taken pictures. In fact, for many years you would not have found me anywhere near a camera and certainly never in front of it. But then dating on-line happened and I started taking images to send to him and that led to me exploring more and more. Then one day, I posted one on my blog and since then….. well, I have never looked back and I am rarely parted from my lovely camera.

    I am not sure I can pick a favourite, well, not just one anyway. I do LOVE the shots from Piccadilly Circus. They were such fun to do and the results were fairly epic. It was all unplanned, just spur of the moment.
    http://mollysdailykiss.com/2011/10/02/a-day-at-the-circus/

    Heather: Oh my, what a lovely… um, is it getting hot in here?

    Nikki: FOCUS, HEATHER.

    Heather:
    Right. <stares at Molly’s tits>

    Molly:
    Apart from that, the photos that are in my banner on my blog are probably my current favourites, but it is constantly changing, depending on my mood and also what I have recently worked on.

    Oh, and for obvious reasons, this one… http://mollysdailykiss.com/2012/08/17/my-dalek-and-me/

    Nikki and Heather: <in unison> Awwwwww… y’all are so sweet!

    Nikki: We all know you’ve been blogging for a long time, Molly, so don’t try to deny it. Now, tell us how you prevent the Provocative Jane’s of the interwebs from stealing your stuff. Do you possess a superpower? A dude named ‘Guido’ wearing a leather blazer? A bedazzled blade? We need to know. But before you answer, remember one thing: I am an Internet Ninja.

    Molly: Hahahaaaaaa! I do have a dude who guards me well. I usually call him ‘Sir’ and he is the head of my rather amazing tech department. He keeps me safe… apart from when he wants to scare me and lock me up in the garage where he does evil dirty bad things to me. My life is a hell!

    Nikki: Interesting. I’m at the helm of our tech department. <hysterical laughter>

    Heather: Well, I don’t have a garage. And no calling my girlfriend to lock me up in hers! And now, Molly, for the final question asked on every job interview ever conducted: Where do you see yourself in another three years?

    Molly: Oh my… still this married and still this happy and doing a job I absolutely adore. I spent too many years not doing any of those things and now that I have them, they are more valuable to me than anything else.

    Nikki: Wait a minute. I thought we were playing good cop/bad cop. If I’d known we were supposed to treat this as a job interview, I would’ve worn my pinstripe pants and stilettos. And a bra, maybe.

    Heather: Oops… my bad. You’re right. I’m a bad, bad cop. Wait, I’m the bad one right? RIGHT?? OK, who has handcuffs?

    Thank you, Molly, for being our willing prisoner and answering all our deep, probing questions. *giggles* I said “probe.” We love you and shall be your willing fangirls forever. We’re even starting a club with secret decoder rings and everything. Spanks for all the fun!