RSS Feed

‘Dating’ Category

  1. Pecan Pie and Old Patterns

    September 26, 2017 by Heather Cole

    Pecan Pie and an old Pattern

    Catsquatch inspect’s Guy’s handiwork. We both approve.


    Guy and I had a pattern. We engaged in fierce flirtation that would culminate into sex, and then he’d fall off the face of the earth. Most of the time the experiences together were blisteringly hot, but inevitably I would fall into quiet frustration when he disappeared. The first time I felt upset and disappointed when he went silent for weeks. We had made a rare connection during a dungeon session, and I had broken a bunch of personal rules to pursue the sizzling attraction.

    We were out to dinner to celebrate his birthday with southern cuisine and spicy bloody Marys when he brought up the pattern between us. He said that we had never really talked about it, and it took me a moment to pull up the memories of that first disappearance.

    “I broke several of my rules with you, to pursue something outside the carefully controlled parameters of the dungeon. And after a couple fantastic dates, you ghosted.” I didn’t elaborate on how hurt I had been by his silence. That going from an intense physical connection to absolutely no response had been a blow to my ego and confidence. But even though I had sworn to myself that there would be no further personal liaisons from work, I hadn’t wanted to write Guy off completely.

    That chemistry stuck with me. Eventually he would resurface, always unexpected and welcomed back into my orbit. After our third interlude, I realized over Texmex and margaritas, that we would probably always be exactly what we were in that moment. If I was smart, I wouldn’t expect him to change his behavior to suit my idea of “dating.” If I learned from the pattern, I’d enjoy what we had and leave it at that.

    The last time I saw him was the Texmex and margarita evening. We ended up in bed, of course, and I wrote about it here. He disappeared shortly thereafter, which I expected, but I decided this time that I wasn’t going to dwell on it. Then the summer happened where everything changed, and suddenly Guy’s unexpected appearances and disappearances were the last thing on my mind. We exchanged texts a couple times, but my responses were half-hearted. I couldn’t siphon enough energy to try and figure out what his intentions were.

    Two weeks ago, he unexpectedly messaged me about an Instagram photo I had posted. I had been cooking a lot, feeding my body healthy, slow cooking and whole foods as I learned to live with the grief about my mom. I snapped a pic of the shakshuka I had made, and a conversation began. Next thing I knew, he was ringing my doorbell.

    We both remarked how odd it was to be face-to-face after four months of no communication, and not once did I think I should pretend that I didn’t really, really want to fuck him. The spark was still there, and our glasses of wine were soon abandoned and replaced with hungry kisses and wandering hands. He pulled off my jeans and told me to turn around for a spanking. He had decided that he was going to top that night, and I could only laugh and oblige him. It felt good to feel his capable hands against my skin. It had been the better part of a year since I had been on a date with anyone other than Guy, and even longer since I had had a play session with anyone romantically. Even though it was only a hook-up, I felt greedy for Guy’s body on mine, his teeth grazing my skin, and his fingers digging painfully into my flesh. I dove headfirst into the experience, wishing to consume the muscular planes of his body like the richest chocolate. We were electric.

    We had two dates after that night, and during the span of two weeks, I was glowing. One rendezvous was unexpected birthday sex early on a Monday morning on the day he turned thirty-one, and the second was a handyman date where he hung a large, mirrored cabinet for me. We had discussed me topping him that Saturday, but he arrived horny and ready to play me.

    He was unshaven and dressed in jeans and a t-shirt that clung to his muscular frame. He carried his tools directly upstairs to my bedroom, and I couldn’t resist squeezing his perfect ass on our way up the stairs. Guy made it clear that my plans for our afternoon didn’t matter, and to my delight, he had me mostly naked and on the bed before I could pretend to protest. I wrapped my legs around him, welcoming the press of his jeans against my clit. He pinned my hands above my head with one hand and pinched a nipple with the other. Guy promised that I’d have his cock once the work was finished, but he’d make me orgasm with his fingers to tide me over the interim. I whimpered when he bit the curve of my waist and begged him to fuck me. We were sweaty with desire, and all my intentions to do something house-related fled. I wanted that man inside me.

    Guy prevailed and three hours later I had a new cabinet. My hands were all over him as soon as we had admired his handiwork properly, but we were forced to curtail our sex plan to make our dinner reservations on time. I had baked him a pecan pie to say thank you for the cabinet and also because it was his favorite. We would go back to my place for pie and sex later, but his question about how I was feeling had brought reality crashing into our dinner date. I hadn’t expected him to ask it, and I was unprepared with a response. I could talk logically about our pattern and the first time it presented itself. I was able to articulate how I had felt those many months ago, but now? I didn’t know what to say.

    He had been sweet, and funny these past couple weeks. We had talked about all sorts of things, laughed a lot, and talked more about our pasts. I would be a liar if I said that a tiny flame of hope hadn’t sprung in my heart that maybe Guy would stick around this time.

    He continued his train of thought and said that he was open to dating other people, although he wasn’t seriously looking, and he asked how I would feel if he went out with someone else. I tried to put my words in order.

    “I guess it would depend if she wanted to be monogamous and if you wanted that too. If it was serious between you and the other woman, I suppose I’d feel sad?” I fumbled around the realization that was slowly crystallizing in front of me.

    My heart sank. I wasn’t that girl. I wasn’t the one he really wanted to date. I was someone fun and sexy, someone whose kinks matched his and who he enjoyed fucking. I wasn’t the girl to date though.

    I fell into silence as I rolled the realization around in my head. I wasn’t good at feeling and explaining my feelings in the moment. I usually needed time to process before I could talk about them and be coherent. What I did know was that I was surprised at how much it stung. My ego didn’t want to be just a fun hook-up. I wanted him to want to be with me a lot more than he was comfortable, and a dark part of me suggested that I could make our hook-up into something better even if he wasn’t on board at first.

    Luckily I had had enough therapy to recognize my own patterns, and that was one of my more unhealthier ones. The idea that I could change a relationship based on personal grit and focused determination was delusional. All the emotional relationship work in the world on my part would not make another person love me more if they didn’t intend to.

    He wasn’t ready to focus on a relationship, and he was being honest about where he was. He was also being kind. The time we had shared was enough for him, and his honesty gave me a choice too. I could continue and hope for the next time or I could say goodbye once and for all, and close the chapter of our pattern for good.

    Dinner ended, and we headed back to my place. Great sex followed dessert, and Guy eventually left with the remains of the pie. I was left with feelings to sort through. In the morning light I sifted the tangle of my emotions to acknowledge the bittersweet position I found myself in. Guy had handled our conversation tactfully and with every attempt to avoid hurting my feelings. And when I got to the essence of it, I was emotionally OK with our odd pattern of fireworks and silence even if it wasn’t always comfortable. I could wish for more, but at least I knew that the chances of it happening were slim. I felt glad to know it. Ultimately I felt happy to have Guy in my life, however long that was.

  2. The Proposal

    August 10, 2017 by Heather Cole



    The luxury car roared up the hill, its engine’s vibration thrumming through my seat. I was full of expensive wine and gourmet food, and I couldn’t help but think about what I was going to do with the man beside me. The proposal danced through my mind. My silk skirt inched up my thighs as I settled back to enjoy the ride. His broad hand fiddled with the console, and I could feel his gaze flirt with the hem that had fluttered below the juncture of my thighs.

    “May I turn up the music?” he asked.

    “Yes,” I said and moved his hand. I placed it on my upper thigh, forcing him to choose whether to crank the music or keep his hand tantalizingly close to my wet panties. He didn’t know they were wet at the moment, but I considered allowing him to.

    “Would your proposal really work?” I mused out loud.

    “It’s a simple plan really.” His hand inched higher.

    I thought back to the stories we had shared over our five-star meal and the confidences we had traded. He knew about my broken heart and had promised to never hurt me. He swore that he would always be honest with me, but I didn’t necessarily believe him. What I did believe was that he thought we were perfect for one another with our compatible kinks and lust for sexual adventure.

    His proposal was to foot the bill and fly me to whichever city he was working in for the weekend. I would have time to sightsee or write if I wished while he was occupied with corporate concerns. My only task was to find a suitable man for our sexcapades. Then at night we’d meet that willing man who would fuck me while my friend watched. He might participate or he might not. His fantasy was to watch me take big cocks and have loads of orgasms. I couldn’t deny the appeal of the scenario. I did love taking big cocks and having a plethora of orgasms. I even had a swingers’ website in mind to use.

    My friend had brought a vibrating egg with him to dinner and had challenged me to insert it before the waiter returned with our chocolate soufflé. I accepted of course, and then spent the next hour blushing furiously as he increased the vibrations and a loud whir filled the space between us. I was certain that the waiter heard, but by then the wine had had its way with me and I cared less and less about the small humiliation.

    Accepting the challenge of the egg was simpler than agreeing to run away with him on the weekends to fuck strangers. But I was too horny and too tipsy to think any further about it. I wanted release. The vibration of the bass teased me through the seat, and I squirmed, pulling his hand closer to my goal.

    “I almost forgot,” I said with a sigh. I lifted my ass and pushed my panties down. Then I spread my legs with my heels braced on the dashboard.

    He groaned. “God, that’s hot.”

    “Am I the first girl that you’ve fingerbanged in your Ferrari?” I didn’t wait for an answer but pushed his fingers inside me. “Make me come,” I ordered.

    He didn’t disappoint me.

    I had two orgasms, my body mirroring the crests of the hills that we flew over. I didn’t know how I was going to answer him, and luckily my body didn’t care. His fingers swirled inside me, muting my thoughts.

    Did I want a Daddy, a man happy to take me traveling and feed my voracious sexual appetite—protecting me while nurturing my kinks? It sounded too good to be true even though he swore there was no downside.

    Despite those incredible orgasms, I’m still deciding.


    Interested in reading my other anecdotes for Swingtowns? Check them out here:

    The Pink Unicorn

    5 Tips For Your Dungeon Experience

  3. Date Night

    April 30, 2016 by Heather Cole



    I have been experimenting with kissing girls since I was in grade school. I used to sneak into the woods with my friend Christine, and we’d try different ways of kissing on an old picnic table beneath the screen of a drooping dogwood.  Although I found women attractive and really, really wanted to kiss them as I matured, it wasn’t until I was in my forties that I finally acted on any of those impulses. (It’s funny how I didn’t do a lot of things until I was in my forties.)

    Running into Mims at a party one night seemed destined from the moment I walked through the door. Only minutes before I had been perusing her profile (and that of her boyfriend) on Fetlife. I entered the house, and three minutes later I stood face-to-face with the couple I had been digitally ogling. I made some silly, and probably dorky, joke about stalking their Fetlife profiles, and they laughed, kindly taking my exuberance in stride.

    Mims was tall with a mane of gorgeous red hair and wide eyes that you could drown in. I don’t remember what we talked about or what we were wearing, but somehow we ended up in the upstairs master bedroom having sex. While her boyfriend filmed it.

    The feel of her skin beneath my fingertips was branded in my brain that night. The memory of her scent and the feel of her hair sweeping my face is enough to make my pulse quicken. She climbed my body like some exotic, silken cat, kissing and nipping her way into my embrace. Even though it has been two years since that night, she possessed a presence that lingered with me.

    After that erotic evening together, Mims and I periodically double-dated, her with her (now ex) boyfriend and me with sir. Inevitably we ended up naked and kissing, sometimes after a flogging or an interlude with a violet wand, but it was always with a male audience. And although I had fun with the four of us, part of me wondered how things would go if it were only me and Mims again.

    Since sir moved overseas, Mims and I have seen each other every couple months. She house sat while I was overseas and chaperoned Catsquatch. I have invited her to dinner at my place and sometimes we’ve gone out. And always we have flirted, dancing around the question we both silently entertained. Would we? Wouldn’t we? I tried to mentally map out a not-too-obvious approach to ask if she would like to have sex again, but I lacked the skills to articulate something even halfway coherent or seductive. I seemed to be able to talk about everything but sex. It didn’t help that half the time one of us had our period or had a head cold.

    The sad fact was that I had no game when it came to women. I haven’t had an actual date since before sir left, so I lacked practice too. I was a bonified goof around women in general. My game plan fell to pieces when confronted by their feminine charms and flirtatious smiles. So I would plot and plan about what I would do to Mims when I saw her next, and then fail to actually do any of it when she was within arm’s reach.

    That changed one night last month.

    I don’t know if it was because I had a couple glasses of wine to bolster my courage or if the joy of eating Lebanese food buoyed me forward into propositioning her. Instead of going for an after dinner drink I suggested that we go to my place to watch Supernatural and make out on the couch. Yes, dear readers, I am that suave.

    Thank goodness Mims liked me despite my clumsy wooing, and we ended up half-naked on my couch while Sam and Dean discussed something about the end of the world in the background. We tore off each other’s clothing while our tongues tangled, eventually getting so frustrated with the process that she gave up and pulled me to my feet. I protested even though I knew she was right. There was no sense fighting the clothing and the couch when I had a perfectly functional bed upstairs. My heartbeat ratcheted up a notch when it finally hit me that we were going to have sex again. It was finally happening!

    She led me to my very messy bedroom (I still hadn’t unpacked from my month with sir) where we shed the rest of our clothes easily and crawled beneath the quilt.

    Have I mentioned that Mims was an amazing kisser? Her lips were soft but firm, and she knew exactly how long to hold a deep kiss. This time her kisses held the sting of teeth, and she left marks over the freckles dotting my chest. I squealed and squirmed, gathering a thick chunk of hair in my fist to raise her face to mine. The floral scent of her hair lingered in my nose as the long tresses rained down around me in a private canopy.

    Her body was luscious with curves in the very best places, and I flipped us over so that I was on top. I kissed and lapped at her tender skin, sucking her nipple into my mouth and gently biting it until she moaned and writhed beneath me. I felt high with sexual connection; that golden place when the energy sparked between us and held us together in a hue of physical and emotional desire. I don’t get to that place often, so when I felt it with Mims, I released the last of my restraint. I devoured that woman, smeared her juices all over my mouth and cheeks trying to taste and consume as much of her as I could. And I reveled in the moment, drinking deep the smells and sounds that we created together. I relished it all.

    Mims left several hours later. I considered asking her to stay the night but ultimately decided not to. As much as I adored Mims, I was in no place where I felt prepared to handle another relationship. Spending the night in my bed felt like relationship zone, so we said our goodbyes and kissed one last time. I’m now thinking about what I want to do to her should the opportunity arise again and crossing my fingers.

    I really hope it does.

  4. Finding a Casual Date for the Holidays

    December 25, 2015 by Heather Cole


    It’s hard to believe that the holidays have once more arrived in a flurry of preparation and excitement. This time of year not only sees a lot of people spending time with their friends and families, but also on their own. And as I’m sure many of you will vouch for, Christmas is a time best spent with someone else rather than alone. Just because you’re single, doesn’t mean you can’t have a little kinky Christmas fun with someone out there.

    Whether it’s Christmas day, the New Year, or whatever holiday you observe, all it takes is a little effort on your part to get chatting with someone and meeting up in person. Sure you can venture into your local bar and chat to women or men there, but this technique can often prove tough. Not only is it hard to find the right person who is also looking to meet for sex tonight, but people in general seem to be distancing themselves from the scene itself too. Online dating has been on a constant rise with new members joining every day to a number of sites – you’d be hard pressed not to have someone in your life who has or is currently using the internet to meet people.

    Whether you’re into meeting older people, younger people, those who are married or even want to filter down to specific fetishes and interests, the internet will have you covered. If you can think of it, chances are there will be a site specialising in it. All it takes is to take the first step and sign up for a profile. What’s more there’s never been a better time to sign up – with it being the month of December, you’ll find many places offering holiday discounts.

    First things first, always make sure to be as honest as possible with your profile. After all you’re trying to meet others who want the same sort of thing as you. So whether it’s something as small as your interest in movies or perhaps s more important such as your intent from meeting someone, honesty is key.

    Keep messages simple and sincere. You want to try and stand out from the crowd and merely copying and pasting the same message over and over isn’t going to win anyone over. While you may want to jump straight into the dirty talk, it’s often worth waiting to get to know someone a little better first. At least make sure you have some common ground between you before asking what he or she likes in the bedroom.

    When you’re both ready, plan to meet in person – ideally in a public place you feel comfortable with. Drinks in a bar is always a good start that can then always lead onto a hotel for a little more intimate fun. If you both enjoy the experience enough you can do the same again over the Christmas holidays. Who says you need to be alone over Christmas after all? Of course if you prefer you can always hit the sites again in search of more sexual partners.

    Whatever the time of year, finding someone for casual fun is simple. Who says you need to be nice this Christmas when you can be naughty instead?

  5. Online Dating: Finding What You Want

    July 6, 2015 by Heather Cole

    Online love button on the keyboard. Toned Image.

    When venturing into the world of dating, it seems like the activity can be broken down into two primary categories. You have your standard, traditional form of dating that can begin with something as simple as a casual coffee, then graduate to dinner, and possibly more. Then there is the more casual, dare we say recreational, style of dating–the hook-up. Both types of interactions offer aspects that might suit certain people and turn away others. Regardless of which you choose, there are some fundamental rules y’all should be following when looking for potential matches online.

    First and foremost:  READ THEIR DAMN PROFILE. Don’t skim it. Don’t just look at their photo on the profile and decide they’re the penis or pussy of your dreams. (By the way, don’t ever make a photo of your love log or love cave your profile pic–even if it’s your favorite part of your anatomy. Yes, we said ‘love log.’) Read every word they’ve written. Hopefully they’ve mentioned the qualities they’re looking for in a prospective date, one of which should be they type of relationship they’re looking for–something casual, long-term, or somewhere in between.

    Casual dating brings to mind non-commitment–a sense of freedom. You aren’t attached solely to one person, but instead can go as you please, meeting and dating as many people as you like. It’s this carefree, relaxed nature that some individuals prefer. Furthermore the term “no strings attached” implies that sex is the main focus of the encounter. It’s a hobby to some, and there’s nothing wrong with that as long as everyone is upfront and communicates their objectives. Finding singles who want no strings sex can prove as challenging as meeting the mate of your dreams, but for different reasons. In both instances you have to do some research on the person (it’s called Google, y’all) to ensure that you’re not dealing with a psychopath, and regardless of whether you want to see them again or not, play responsibly and ALWAYs practice safe sex.

    Secondly: Send a grammatically correct, interesting first message. It doesn’t have to be long, but you should comment or include a fact that you learned about them based on reading their entire profile. Even if it’s only to hook up for one night of wild monkey sex, make that first message count.

    Do THIS: “Dear Wild Monkey Sex Man: As it turns out, I happen to share your passion for bananas. I would love to talk to you about it sometime. Do you text? xxxx”

    DON’T do this: “How RU”

    And definitely don’t do this: “What’s up?”

    And really don’t do this: “Kneel before me and worship my ____!”

    Third: Be upfront about what you want in a relationship or in your sexual encounter. This circles back to our first topic. Throughout the search process, being honest about the type of person you’re searching for will save everyone time (and a massive headache) in the end. Even if your focus is sex, be open to discussing the characteristics that you want. Are you looking for a certain size? Height? Ability to enact all of the Kama Sutra? Talk about it or you’ll never have a chance at finding what you desire.

    What? You don’t want to talk about your expectations? While many find it difficult and embarrassing to discuss what they might like to try with a partner, it will be easier to bring up your wildest fantasies with someone who is a match for your experiences. You can both pitch ideas back and forth and find out more about yourself sexually and emotionally. You never know, you may discover a few things about yourself in the process.